Hi folks I haven't posted on here for ages, and not at all on this thread. My partner of 22 years was unfaithful 3 years ago. We were going through a shit time and had been since the birth of our youngest child 2 years earlier, he was a non sleeper, say no more! If there was a scale of 1 - 10 for infidelity, his scored fairly low, it was a ONS at a wedding abroad that didn't go all the way. He fessed up 6 weeks later after attempting to woo another lady on a drunk night out (He failed this time, she wasn't interested then he fell asleep) he couldn't stand the guilt and was confused as to why he could do this and did it mean he didn't love me?
Foolishly I agreed to try to rebuild, providing he was totally honest about what happened. Suffice to say it was 6 months before he told the full truth. He minimised big time, at first he told me he had met someone he felt really strongly about, all very heartfelt and innocent. I was devastated that he would consider leaving me, our 18 year relationship and 3 children for a woman he had met once. I presumed it must be true love.
Of course this was bullshit. The truth was he was pissed, she was pissed, they talked for about 20 mins and ended up in an 'end of the night, grubby, groping snog fest'. For me this would have been much so much easier to understand and forgive. It was the lies that did me in, the loss of trust and integrity. At one point he swore on his childrens lives. He is not sure why he lied so much, he just couldn't bear to say what he had done. I have read that men consider physical infedilty as worse than emotional. Twats.
Initially I was heartbroken but very positive we could get though it, HB didn't help. I then had about a year and a half of absolute roller coaster. I could do this, no I couldn't. My self esteem hit the floor, I was obsessed with her being younger, and prettier etc I went on Ads and anti anxiety meds and lost 3 stone. I even considered ending it all. Then it sort of plateuxed and the pain began to lessen, I like the lethal plain of flatness description. It's so true.
I am not sure what to do now. I dont really give a shit about her now. When i think about it i feel sad and dissapointed rather than pain. We get on well. We still have sex, I am not unnatracted to him, we genuinely share household and child caring duties, we have similar sense of humour and values. We have a lovely home and business together which would have to go if we separated.
I have this hardness around my heart now. I can't allow myself to let him back in. I don't like to kiss and be romantic (dirty banging sex only). I have lost some respect for him and like an earlier poster, I feel jealous of other women who partners have not been unfaithful. I have thrown myself into hobbies to get happiness.
I wonder if this will pass or if this it. It's not terrible, but not what I had hoped. We had so many wonderful years together when we were head over heels in love. Why did he have to be such a weak wanker and spoil everything. He admits it was all about his ego and feeling wanted.