he wanted a lie-in, he got sex....am i silly to apologise?

[funnylittlefloozie]

My BF stayed over last night. We have a slightly unusual relationship, where we only see each other every other week because of work commitments, but its really good when we do see each other. He's been working insanely hard recently, doing hours and hours of overtime and he is really tired (and a bit grumpy).

We went to bed early last night, had a cuddle and crashed out, because he is working today as well. I woke up early this morning and felt, erm...amorous. I dont think you need the gruesome details, but suffice to say, i instigated sex and even though he wasn't really awake when i started, he didn't push me off He cuddled me afterwards and it was nice, but he didnt seem as "up for it " as usual.

But now, I feel a bit guilty, like i was a bit of a sex pest. i genuinely love him, and physically i can't get enough of him.... and i do think he feels the same about me. I think i just feel bad because he has done such an exceptional amount of overtime this week and he is tired.

It could just be tiredness that made him not up for it, couldn't it? Would i be silly to send him a text apologising for being a bit OTT this morning (not grovelling, just joky)? Am I a sex pest?

Boneyback, you are making incredible and quite offensive assumptions. I do not believe that my BF is up for sex at any time. He isnt my blow-up sex doll, he's an autonomous person who i love and respect. He is also someone that I fancy to death and like having sex with -and he likes having sex with me. I do not control him or abuse him. We dont live together, we are jsut BF and GF. He could have said no at any time, and if he felt i was too demanding he would just walk away.

If he didn't enjoy early morning sleepy sex, I WOULD NOT ASK HIM FOR IT.

To make comparisons with abusive teachers is just ludicrous and deeply offensive.

Op you've done nothing wrong this thread is insane

Well, if on one morning my previously 'up-for-it' partner decided that our previously acceptable foreplay was no longer acceptable and was, in fact, sexual assault, I would hope he'd be laughed out of court. Assault me arse. Cheeky bastard.

On a personal note, I'm so single it's fucking sad and all I want now is lazy, Sunday morning sex. Consensual obvs. Man, I'd consent all over that shit. Sigh.

Reborn

Well that was fun. What's on next?

@Reborn - I dont agree with everything you said, but just love the last line.

OP he may feel tired an be annoyed that he didn't get the sleep he expected but I very much doubt your BF feels violated.

That said you have blurred the lines of consent so if he feels horny you've basically given him the green light to wake you with oral or inserting a finger etc.

This thread has gone haywire .

Daily fail will pick up on this now

I don't think this is a "if a man did this" or a "rape" situation. Everyone is different and actually many couples find waking up to fondling etc. wonderful.

I'm sure you're DP would say if he wasn't happy with what you did but maybe send him a little text to say you couldn't resist him but sorry for disturbing his sleep.

Daily fail will pick up on this now

Of course they will. And their tone deaf "readers" will weigh in and wonder why the OP hasn't been arrested. And "if the genders were reversed" as if no man has ever instigated sex with his partner in the morning before.

Reborn I'll get the pints in. We can work together on a standard contract we can get potential shags to sign confirming their consent whilst int pub Then I'm gonna go hand myself into the police as I've woke my OH up with a BJ on several occasions. Suppose I should book him some therapy too!!

OP, ignore the fucking weirdos on this thread. What they're saying is fucking insane and I'd love to hear their 'pre-sex' conversations to ascertain consent, bet it's sexy as fuck

funnylittlefloozie

I haven't made any assumptions about you or your BF.

If you read back you will find that my posts have been about other posters and the stereotypes that they have put forward.

If you read really closely you will even see what I have said about you.

RebornSlippy

you're reinventing the fucking thread! Most of those phrases have not been used here. Seriously, pick your audience.

I haven't invented anything, I have quoted, I have paraphrased, and put forward explanations as to how stereotypes don't help.

If you refuse to see then there is very little that I can do.

Wow. Talk about mass hysteria. My dh always used to initiate sleepy sex and it was something we both enjoyed. I would wake up with him touching me- we'd both be half asleep when it started. This is something that is seen as fine in our relationship. If I had said no at any point then he would have stopped.

This is a very different situation than falling asleep next to a friend, acquaintance or stranger and finding them fondling me whilst I was still asleep.

This isn't a black and white situation because you can't say what is seen as acceptable in another person's relationship. Some people may hate being woken up by being touched, others like it. Let's quit with the rape accusations unless the OP's dp has given any indication to suggest he was hurt, angry or upset by what happened. It's ridiculous.

OP, I don't think you did anything wrong. I don't know how deeply some of you sleep, but I believe most adults, who are not drunk or drugged, would wake up sufficiently after a few cuddles to realise what's going on and say NO if they disagree. I doubt the OP had her boyfriend pinned down or that he was completely unconscious. It sounds like he was sleepy not under the effects of morphine

I can see what you mean. I think it was the not so enthusiastic that's made some worried.

But yes I have dons this before myself so by no means think you are a rapist.

I like being woken up for sex but then again I hate being woken up. I don't generally expect an apology in these situations but it's only polite to apologise when you wake someone up whatever the reason.

I'm not a morning person but if my dh ( and he does ) were to wake me up like this I'd love it. This morning he did but I was worried sour the kids being up and told him to put it away but more times than not it's resulted in much more. I've been horny all day tho thinking about this morning.
Kids are asleep or out now so he can't escape!

Op, you have nothing to apologise or feel,guilty for, Shag on!

OP , more to the point what does he think? Has he replied?

I love sleepy morning sex, it's my favourite. And I love waking up to DP's hands a wandering and him kissing and nuzzling my neck. He knows I don't like him to go further than that, until I'm at least slightly roused and if I ever nudge him away or say no, he stops straight away.

He actually gets really turned on at getting woken up with a bj! And will ask for it on occasion, we've just had a night away and he asked if I woke first would I do it! Only time I wouldn't, would be if we'd argued the night before and not resolved it or if for any reason he was off sex or unwell or something.

He works away at the moment mon-fri and sets off very early mon morning, so tries to go to sleep early on Sundays (he's currently snoring next to me!) I have on occasion woke him when I've come to bed later, he's never said no, if he did I'd stop. But the next day I'll text something like 'hope you're not too tired today' he usually just sends a jokey 'I am actually, can't imagine why'. I don't feel guilty OP and I wouldn't if I were you. Have you heard back from him today?

I think initiating sex during sleep is something a couple needs to discuss before it happens (not every time, obviously, but as a general rule). I love it and so does DH but my ex would have absolutely hated it and felt incredibly violated.

Have a chat with him next time you see him, OP, and figure out if it's something he's up for in the future. Apologise for initiating it before having this conversation.

Aw jeez why am I even on mumsnet, how can this even be suggested as rape fgs

For anyone who cares, he did reply, and was basically delighted it had happened. I told him about the thread and he was bewildered and now thinks i am a complete fruitcake. He still loves me though and says he would be gutted if i ever stopped waking him up this way. I am sure that some men would hate to be woken up like that, but mine is adamant he thinks its great....

Thanks for the support, everyone, even the people who gave me pause for thought.

Great news. I didn't expect it would be any different.

Sometimes the posts on MN make me feel like I'm in the Twilight zone.

Totally full of projection and drama.