he wanted a lie-in, he got sex....am i silly to apologise?

[funnylittlefloozie]

My BF stayed over last night. We have a slightly unusual relationship, where we only see each other every other week because of work commitments, but its really good when we do see each other. He's been working insanely hard recently, doing hours and hours of overtime and he is really tired (and a bit grumpy).

We went to bed early last night, had a cuddle and crashed out, because he is working today as well. I woke up early this morning and felt, erm...amorous. I dont think you need the gruesome details, but suffice to say, i instigated sex and even though he wasn't really awake when i started, he didn't push me off He cuddled me afterwards and it was nice, but he didnt seem as "up for it " as usual.

But now, I feel a bit guilty, like i was a bit of a sex pest. i genuinely love him, and physically i can't get enough of him.... and i do think he feels the same about me. I think i just feel bad because he has done such an exceptional amount of overtime this week and he is tired.

It could just be tiredness that made him not up for it, couldn't it? Would i be silly to send him a text apologising for being a bit OTT this morning (not grovelling, just joky)? Am I a sex pest?

@Mysterious If I didn't want to engage or reciprocate, I'd say no and that would be the end of that. The OP has said she would have done the same had her partner indicated he wasn't willing. The issue here is not consent. Is this so hard to comprehend?!

RebornSlippy

I have already posted a response to that.

Can you see the stereotypes that have been put forward?
Can you spot the same ones that have been used by rapists and rape apologists?

Don't worry too much it's all dependant on your relationship if my partner did it I'd be more then happy. She knows it wouldn't be "rape" or being a "pest" as we both know the extent of our sexual relationship. Don't listen to the naysayers you know your situation best.

RebornSlippy

The OP has said she would have done the same had her partner indicated he wasn't willing.

Another excuse

The issue here is not consent.

Part of it clearly is.

I can see posters who are determined to make something out of nothing to suit their misplaced 'message'. That's what I see.

I'm not trawling through the thread to read your response. Tell me or don't, whatever. If you think she's a rapist, you're wrong in my opinion. If you think she isn't, I don't know why you're arguing about this!

Stereoptypes? I think that's the exact problem with threads like this actually. People read a thread like this and immediately jump in with shouts of 'rape'. It's absolutely fucking ridiculous.

Rape apologists? Where on this thread have you seen a single rape apologist? There was no rape.

@Boney, what are you talking about? The OP said that is her partner asked her to stop she would do so immediately. How is that an excuse? And an excuse for what exactly? Your'e making no sense.

I think if you started with kissing and cuddling and he responded in kind then that is fine. If you started with a BJ when he was still asleep then there is a consent issue.

Some of you need to learn (and then understand) the difference between "instigating" and "rape". All sex is instigated, or it would never happen.

He could have 'froze' and that might be why he didn't say no or push you away..... it's perfectly acceptable to the MN jury that this happens to women ...
If you performed a sex act without his consent that was wrong

@Rebornslippy, I couldn't agree with you more. So many times on MN I get amazed at how the word rape is used. It's shocking.

There have been times I wasn't necessarily in the mood, but have got into it and enjoyed it, but no doubt my DH would have been accused of rape.

They see each other once a fortnight and despite wanting a lie in, I'll bet he was quite pleased being woken up in such a pleasurable manner.

He would be the envy of many a man.

PMSL . Oh. My. God.

Sorry, that wasn't for you @Sandy. The whole thing just made me laugh, particularly the bit where 'he froze'. Seriously

really insulting to anyone who has been pinned down and violently raped.

And plenty of women have been raped without being pinned down or violence used. Or do they not count?

reborn

I am not going to re-post because you can't be arsed to look or learn how to find things on a thread.

Stereoptypes?

Lets start with
"he should be apologising to you for being grumpy" (para)
apart from another indication that he didn't want sex, he should be grateful to get it.

"my husband would love it" (para)
he isn't your husband

"I don't know of any men that wouldn't enjoy this"

all stereotypes of men wanting sex.

I personally found this one
"he didn't say no"
To be particularly interesting, in that posters have just thrown years of informed consent and enthusiastic consent under the bus.

The OP said that is her partner asked her to stop she would do so immediately.

How many times on here has duty sex been done?
Or
Just because you enjoyed it before doesn't mean that you want it this time.

Or are these just things for women?

I'll bet he was quite pleased being woken up in such a pleasurable manner.

He would be the envy of many a man.

Do posters really not see the shit that they are posting?

Obviously having a penis means you're always up for it. Pun intended.

*I'll bet he was quite pleased being woken up in such a pleasurable manner.

He would be the envy of many a man.*

What the actual fuck?

Being not really awake is massively different to being asleep. Don't worry about it.

@Boney

One of us is on the wrong thread here. I thought I was on the one that was discussing a woman who felt guilty for waking her partner for sex this morning when he was tired.

You're on the one that is dealing with a multitude of issues relating to rape, stereotypes, victim blaming and consent. One I wouldn't touch with yours without your consent on a Sunday morning basically. I just didn't want to ghost you.

I'll make it very clear lest there be any confusion. I couldn't give a flying fuck about getting into a debate with you about your misconceptions, opinions and wider agenda in relation to this thread/rape culture as a whole. This is not the thread.

How many women who woke up to a sex act would be afraid to say no? There is a power difference here and it doesn't work to just just reverse the sexes. Her boyfriend woke up to a blow job and left her to give him an orgasm. Do you believe honestly he was afraid to say no?

He wasn't being penetrated. He wasn't taking on a huge sexual risk of PIV. You can discuss the consent issues, but PLEASE don't attempt to turn it on its head. It does not work that way.

Most rapists don't wake their victims up with oral sex intended to give them an orgasm, they wake the women up with their dick intended to give the rapists an orgasm. lots of women wouldn't want to be woken with oral sex anyway, as we've programmed women to be paranoid about taste and smell.

Most men don't have the hang up about taste and smell, and aren't thinking a woman who is smaller than them is raping them with her mouth.

RebornSlippy

You are ware that threads develop its what they do.

If you don't want to engage them feel free to ignore.

But all you have proven is that you are prepared to ignore the issue because it doesn't fit your agenda.

But just so that you are aware I will, should I wish to, continue to quote you on the continued stereotypes that you post about how men are apparently always up for sex and should be grateful to get it.