he wanted a lie-in, he got sex....am i silly to apologise?

[funnylittlefloozie]

My BF stayed over last night. We have a slightly unusual relationship, where we only see each other every other week because of work commitments, but its really good when we do see each other. He's been working insanely hard recently, doing hours and hours of overtime and he is really tired (and a bit grumpy).

We went to bed early last night, had a cuddle and crashed out, because he is working today as well. I woke up early this morning and felt, erm...amorous. I dont think you need the gruesome details, but suffice to say, i instigated sex and even though he wasn't really awake when i started, he didn't push me off He cuddled me afterwards and it was nice, but he didnt seem as "up for it " as usual.

But now, I feel a bit guilty, like i was a bit of a sex pest. i genuinely love him, and physically i can't get enough of him.... and i do think he feels the same about me. I think i just feel bad because he has done such an exceptional amount of overtime this week and he is tired.

It could just be tiredness that made him not up for it, couldn't it? Would i be silly to send him a text apologising for being a bit OTT this morning (not grovelling, just joky)? Am I a sex pest?

Knock yourself out, @Boney! You'll not find any such quotes though since I didn't say anything of the sort.

Oh and just wondered, can I ignore "the issue" as you put it, if it doesn't exist? There was no rape, remember? Laters.

A person of consenting age has to feel they have been sexually assaulted for a sexual assault to happened. Ask the OP's bf if he was raped

Assuming that she is in the UK, women can't legally rape men

We have those laws in place to erase the grey area for rape victims and make it easier for them to seek help when they need it. Not to convince people they have committed an assault when both parties enthusiastically enjoyed it.

Yes, yes to the OP asking her partner on his opinion on what happened this morning. Ask him to read this thread. Does he feel he was raped? Unless of course he's too afraid to speak up. PM me, OP's DP. I believe you.

Unless of course he's too afraid to speak up. PM me, OP's DP. I believe you.

You're a dick.

It is a defence to a charge of sexual assault to prove that you had a reasonable belief that the victim consented. If the "victim" was asleep at the time, the starting point is that they didn't, but that can be overcome in situations such as a settled loving relationship where both parties have previously initiated sex in such circumstances and neither has objected. Another question will be whether "victim" was really asleep and the accused believed them to be; where the alarm has gone off, the person has woken up and is simply drowsy or dozing and well able to say no and push the accused away, the chances of it being sexual assault become very low indeed.

And you're too serious. You're assuming I'm talking to an actual rape survivor, RebelRogue. I'm not.

Reborn, do tell us in detail precisely what you believe? Has OP's husband confided in you?

RebornSlippy
Oh and just wondered, can I ignore "the issue" as you put it, if it doesn't exist? There was no rape, remember?

With regards to the rape, go see what I said (oh you CBA). as for the issues, you are ignoring the stereotypes that are being perpetuated on the thread.

Not yet, @Ceto, but I'm hoping he will after work tonight. I'm here for him. He's not her husband by the way. Read the thread.

As for what I believe, I've pretty much said what I believe happened. If I'm wrong, I'll eat crow and apologise. I really, really don't think I am though.

No, @Boney, I'm ignoring fantasists and sensationalists who are creating an "issue" where there is none. I have no interest into engaging in the type of thread you're trying to steer towards. I'm going to focus on the actual "issue" if that's ok with you?

Fuck me, she did not sexually fucking assault her partner! I really hope I never end up at the same party with sone of you lot. I repeat, get a fucking grip! Jesus fucking Christ

I don't think it was sexual assault, but I wouldn't think it was sexual assault if a man performed oral on his semi-conscious girlfriend either. That whole idea of "drunk / sleepy sex = assault" is ridiculous IMO, regardless of gender, and particularly in a LTR. We all have mouths and vocal cords; we can all say "stop" if someone's doing something we don't like.

I suspect if the OP's partner was genuinely horrified by what had happened and took her to court, the court would rule in his favour and find her guilty of assault by virtue of the fact that he wasn't really awake and couldn't properly consent. The same as it would if it was a man performing a sexual act on a half-asleep woman. But in real life, as PPs have said, context is everything, and every relationship has its own system for implying / withholding consent.

Ah, @Wanderlust, my second LOL of the day goes to you Yup, don't see myself dancing around my handbag with some of these gals any time soon. Too busy sitting in a corner debating whether the drunk guy at the bar winking at them is actually a sexual deviant who should be reported toot suite.

GoldenOrb How many clients do you have, that are men who claim that they were raped, because their wife started kissing & stroking them, when they were dozing after pressing Snooze.

SERIOUS QUESTION

@GoldenOrb, with respect, you know nothing about my 'job', what I do and what my experiences, both personal and professionally are. I'd imagine you'd be quite surprised actually!

What I do know is that every situation requires a reaction that is appropriate. NOBODY here calling the OP a rapist, with the knowledge of the scenario they have geen given from the only person who was there, has reacted appropriately. NOT ONE. And that, in my "dick"ish opinion is dangerous and irresponsible. And you, as a person who deals with real life situations with people who have really been assaulted, should know that and advise accordingly.

Some of the comments here have been so outrageous and offensive to the OP, I can't quite believe I've not missed a page of posts admitting sexual assault somewhere along the way!

Well, there are millions of men in the UK.....are you saying you haven't even got one on your books with this complaint?

Says it all really.

Because, quite frankly you are projecting.

A bit worried by the assumption that its okay to perform a sex act on someone who isnt awake.

As for the he should be grateful - I dont know where to start

What a lot of rot about sleepy sex.

I'm just surprised by some of the stereotypical comments as they have come from posters that I recognise and I honestly thought that they'd know better.

If my wife woke me up with a blowjob, I would say to her what the actual fuck do you think you're doing?