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Original poster

to NOT let my DC go and stay with a woman they have met once?

169 replies

donners312 · 09/08/2017 18:36

My narc ex took my to court for access for my 2 DC.

He saw them twice in 18 months before that and long story short has let them down a million times.

In court he asked for 50% of the school holiday. I agreed.

They are now returning from holiday tomorrow from Spain leaving all their cousins and family behind to spend 3 weeks with the 'D'F.

He has just told me "Sharon"will pick them up and have them because he has to work away. The have met her once.

This basically leaves me up shit creek without a paddle as i have to work but i can't send them to stay with a woman they don't know (he has never confirmed she is is GF) I have no idea where she lives? But it is not in this county approx 3 hours away I think.

Can see this back i court as i will say i am blocking contact but the contact was supposed to be with him not his latest victim?

OP posts:
fuckingroundabout · 09/08/2017 19:15

I would seek legal advice as technically what he does in his time is up to him but not even being there to pick them up is pretty iffy and especially as the children dont know her.

hiphopcat · 09/08/2017 19:17

I wouldn't like this and I would tell him so.

If he wanted them for half the hols, why has he buggared off out of the country.

Very poor.

Is there anyone who can help you? (With the kids?) How old are they?

And yes, I would go back to the court, as he is not sticking to his end of the bargain. Sounds like he it letting them down. Again!

MrsDc7 · 09/08/2017 19:18

You need to speak to your solicitor. How old are your children? There's no way in hell I'd be letting that happen. Who the frig is Sharon!

LoyaltyAndLobster · 09/08/2017 19:21

YANBU your children do not know her.

Neverknowing · 09/08/2017 19:49

Fuck that.
I'd hate this as a child and be very surprised if a court would back this? The woman although maybe your ex's partner could really be anyone? I wouldn't feel comfortable letting her pick up the kids, i hope it'd make him look bad in court. Almost like he just fought you for them in court to upset you. It makes him look like he hasn't got the kids best interests at heart. Although, definitely speak to someone who actually knows something about lawBlush

Mychildcouldnotbreaatfeed · 09/08/2017 19:50

He has every right to decide who looks after them in his time.

Unpalatable but true.

MandateMandy · 09/08/2017 20:03

How old are the children? It is not unreasonable for them not to want to stay overnight alone with a women they have only met once. I personally would not allow this. The contact arrangement made in court was between you and your ex. If he is unavailable at a time he specified he can not transfer this right to A.N.Other!

Have you asked how the children feel about it?

ollieplimsoles · 09/08/2017 20:07

No fucking way.

You dont know her, kids dont her. Its iffy she even thinks its ok tbh.

kooshbin · 09/08/2017 20:08

I'm no expert on such matters but my limited understanding is that you have to make the children available for contact with him in order to promote a relationship between the children and their father. You're not failing to do that. He's failing to turn up.

Yes, it's up to him to decide who looks after his children when they are in his care. But they're not going to be in his care as he's somewhere else.

I'm assuming your children are young because if they were teens, and sensible teens, you'd be able to leave them on their own while you work, or make their own minds up.

If they are younger than that then you have to look at what is in their best interests. Would it be in their interests to hand them over to someone who is almost a stranger and be taken to some place they don't know? I wouldn't think so.

Maybe phone social services - presumably there would have been SSD involvement in the custody case - and check with them what would be appropriate.

Timefortea99 · 09/08/2017 20:09

This does not feel right. Why should your children be left with someone you and they don't know.

Mychildcouldnotbreaatfeed · 09/08/2017 20:10

Koosh your understanding is wrong.

And there won't necessarily be social service involvement don't be ridiculous.

sweetbitter · 09/08/2017 20:13

Much as I generally think you have to accept that he gets to decide who looks after them on "his time", my god I can see how difficult it would be to actually send them off yourself with a virtual stranger on his say so.

You do say though that they have met her once - as in they stayed with her before (am guessing she lives with their dad)? Have you asked neutrally if they'd be OK being picked up by Sharon and being looked after by her (presumably for a fixed time until their dad gets back)?

MandateMandy · 09/08/2017 20:18

Mychild can you explain why you are so certain that Op is legally obliged to hand her children over to a woman she has never met to stay in a house that she doesn't know the address of.

Op check your court order - does it mention hand overs and who is responsible for these. Does it state an address where the children are expected to stay when they are not with their resident parent (i.e. you).

There is no way in hell I would be sending my children off to stay the night with a woman they have met once, who lives three hours away from their home. Mostly because they would be incredibly upset at having to do so. And no father worth his salt would expect them to either unless he was merely trying to prove a point about his "rights" rather than actually giving a shit about his kids.

Speak to you solicitor first thing tomorrow donners.

Mychildcouldnotbreaatfeed · 09/08/2017 20:20

The father will say that he is entitled to decide who looks after his kids in his contact time. There are no concerns such that he is in a contact centre with supervised contact.

I think it's crappy but it's the way the system is set up.

MandateMandy · 09/08/2017 20:21

In saying all of that you haven't given much detail in the post -

How long is he expecting to be away with work. A few hours or a few days? From your OP it looks like they do not live together is this right so she would have them overnight in her house?

You could also offer him more days at the other end as a compromise.

Mychildcouldnotbreaatfeed · 09/08/2017 20:22

Also. He's told you Sharon is picking them up.

He hasn't said they're going to her house.

Sheila56 · 09/08/2017 20:31

No fecking way would I let my kids go with a woman they, or I didn't know..My ex used to leave my kids with his teenage girlfriend, while he went out with other women..She was ok, but not who I would choose to look after my kids..In the end he lost interest in the kids, and went on to have lots more with the girlfriend..And called his new kids the same names as our kids..So, no!..

Miserylovescompany2 · 09/08/2017 20:32

Does it stipulate in the court order who picks the children up?

How long will he be working away?

Miserylovescompany2 · 09/08/2017 20:35

Sheila56 that takes fucked up to a whole new level! [shocked]

DeannaTroika · 09/08/2017 20:38

He has every right to decide who looks after them in his time

Yes and no. If he were to pick them up for contact time and then hand them over to someone else there would be little OP could do, yes. But she does not legally have to hand them over to a complete stranger knowing he is out of the country.

DearMrDilkington · 09/08/2017 20:39

And called his new kids the same names as our kids..

Really?! What an absolute cunt. Why on earth did his girlfriend agree to do such a bizarre thing?! Shock

user1497863568 · 09/08/2017 20:39

I'd let them go ... and go, and go... chances are she won't appreciate being used by him as the babysitter Wink

Pigflewpast · 09/08/2017 20:40

Ring your solicitor, first thing tomorrow. Don't go by people guessing on here, ring them. Personally I'd be saying "not a chance in hell" but legally I've no idea

Sheila56 · 09/08/2017 20:43

Miserylovescompany2 Oh, also one of my children died not long after birth, and he also called one of his new children the same name..He was a lot fucked up..

Sheila56 · 09/08/2017 20:46

Yes, he is an absolute cunt..His girlfriend was a bit simple shall we say..Naive is another word..

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