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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

to NOT let my DC go and stay with a woman they have met once?

169 replies

donners312 · 09/08/2017 18:36

My narc ex took my to court for access for my 2 DC.

He saw them twice in 18 months before that and long story short has let them down a million times.

In court he asked for 50% of the school holiday. I agreed.

They are now returning from holiday tomorrow from Spain leaving all their cousins and family behind to spend 3 weeks with the 'D'F.

He has just told me "Sharon"will pick them up and have them because he has to work away. The have met her once.

This basically leaves me up shit creek without a paddle as i have to work but i can't send them to stay with a woman they don't know (he has never confirmed she is is GF) I have no idea where she lives? But it is not in this county approx 3 hours away I think.

Can see this back i court as i will say i am blocking contact but the contact was supposed to be with him not his latest victim?

OP posts:
Ketchup123 · 10/08/2017 20:46

It's a bit weird to assume danger...

Hassled · 10/08/2017 20:51

There's not a cat's chance in hell I'd send my DCs off to stay for 3 weeks in a place I don't know with a person I don't know, especially if they didn't want to go themselves. I'm really struggling to believe that anybody would actually say "yup, that seems entirely normal and reasonable, off you toddle, kids". The OP is not the crazy one here.

notevernotnevernotnohow · 10/08/2017 20:53

No, its VERY weird to give your children to people you don't know for weeks.
You do understand that, yes? You are clearly just trolling for shitz and giggles, nobody would gleefully admit to being such a shit parent, would they?

lunar1 · 10/08/2017 21:00

No way on earth would I hand my children over like this. Contact is for the children so see their other parent. If it was an established step mum who wanted the children there and everyone was happy then fair enough. But this woman is a random!

holidayqueriwifi · 10/08/2017 21:06

Ketchup you are really crap at trying to provoke people here with your frankly stupid comments. The sensible sane voice says of course you don't send your children off with an unknown person for 3 mins let alone 3 days. I pity you and your experiences if you think this is normal. It's not. Far from it.

cowssheephens · 10/08/2017 21:08

No way would I hand over my children to strangers!! Your ex is a twat.

yellowsun · 10/08/2017 21:16

My friend's child is 10 and didn't want to see his dad at all for contact. The solicitor said that by this age, courts take the child's voice into consideration and it would be highly unlikely they would force him to go.

nigelsbigface · 10/08/2017 22:10

Ketchup are you the op's ex?

notevernotnevernotnohow · 10/08/2017 22:11

Perhaps ketchup is Sharon?

Joysmum · 10/08/2017 22:44

The DC are 10 and 12 and burst out crying when my mum told them Sharon was going to collect them because Dad had to go to work. They didn't like her when they met her

So much for your theory Ketchup Hmm

Threenme · 10/08/2017 23:37

Everything holidayqueriwifi said!

Swynwraig · 11/08/2017 07:57

There is no way I'd let my kids go - it sends the message that their feelings don't count. Stand up for them - stuff the consequences

OllyBJolly · 11/08/2017 08:12

The hardest thing about splitting up is realising that for some of the time, you have no say in what happens to your children. My DCs DF did loads of things I didn't agree with. He did things the DCs weren't happy with. However, it was his time and I (and they) just had to accept that.

This scenario does sound a bit odd - from two angles. Is he really working away for the whole of the three weeks? What is the point of access then? And why would a GF agree to babysit children she doesn't know for THREE WEEKS. She'll regret that for sure!

Bluebelle38 · 11/08/2017 08:47

I feel sorry for Sharon....

Brown76 · 11/08/2017 09:43

I wouldn't hand my children over. OP doesn't even know Sharon's full name and address. Kids don't know her and don't want to go.

ThePinkOcelot · 11/08/2017 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

hidingusername · 11/08/2017 10:08

Ketchup I think you are absurd

No way in hell I would allow my son to go with someone he didn't want to for three weeks whilst his dad popped in inbetween his work schedule

Priorities

I don't see how any court in the land could agree with this

secretnutter · 11/08/2017 10:24

No way in hell I would let my kids stay with someone they or I don't know, why can't he just pick them up at the weekends for those weeks he's due to have the DC, zero point them staying with a stranger if he's not even there!!! I feel for you OP, I think I would be scrambling to find childcare/changing work schedule if I were you!

cowssheephens · 11/08/2017 10:50

OP, what happened? Did you hand them over to a stranger?

reallyanotherone · 11/08/2017 11:00

I always find this funny.

I posted once, having known dh about 4 weeks, having never met his children or his ex. She knew nothing about where i lived, if i liked children, or knew anything about them. Bearing in mind they were both under 5 and one had severe LD.

She asked dh if i could do childcare in the summer holidays as i worked shifts so could provide weekday care.

The unanimous replies were that i was BU refusing, and she was not at all U asking. She obviously trusted DH, and therefore trusted everyone he associated with well enough to care for her children. If you are happy to let your ex have your kids unsupervised, then who they get left with is up to him.

notevernotnevernotnohow · 11/08/2017 11:03

I don't believe a word of that.

And why would you find distressed children and an upset mother funny?

Joysmum · 11/08/2017 18:19

She asked dh if i could do childcare in the summer holidays as i worked shifts so could provide weekday care

A little different to spending 3 weeks living with a stranger don't you think Hmm

nigelsbigface · 11/08/2017 18:57

Possibly her kids weren't distressed at the thought of spending time with you for whatever reason real? Perhaps their mum was of a similar level of idiocy to the op's ex and also didn't give a shit about how her kids were feeling.
These kids are distressed by this though....and fortunately for them their Mum is bothered.

Original poster
donners312 · 14/08/2017 10:40

Thank you so much for all the replies and i do really appreciate them all.

Well where to start!!

In a complete change of plan my ex has made huge grandiose promises of all the amazing things they will do with Sharon and that he would come back to see them as much as he could and then guess what - they wanted to go.

I have actually been very hurt that the children would do that and that they have been so easily bought but the reality is she is a millionaire and doesn't work and can devote time to them and i am a stressed out working mum with nothing to offer them. I delayed the date they went and took time off work (at much cost to me). I got her full name and address but ....

I don't know if i have done the right thing or not. I feel very upset about it and wish my summer holidays with the children were all full of fun and adventure and not work. All feels very unfair and i just don't know if i have done the right thing or not??

OP posts:
Neverknowing · 14/08/2017 11:01

I think you've done the right thing. Your kids will have a good time with her. It's annoying but it had to be done op Flowers