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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

to NOT let my DC go and stay with a woman they have met once?

169 replies

donners312 · 09/08/2017 18:36

My narc ex took my to court for access for my 2 DC.

He saw them twice in 18 months before that and long story short has let them down a million times.

In court he asked for 50% of the school holiday. I agreed.

They are now returning from holiday tomorrow from Spain leaving all their cousins and family behind to spend 3 weeks with the 'D'F.

He has just told me "Sharon"will pick them up and have them because he has to work away. The have met her once.

This basically leaves me up shit creek without a paddle as i have to work but i can't send them to stay with a woman they don't know (he has never confirmed she is is GF) I have no idea where she lives? But it is not in this county approx 3 hours away I think.

Can see this back i court as i will say i am blocking contact but the contact was supposed to be with him not his latest victim?

OP posts:
beanabonce · 10/08/2017 07:09

We have a court order which states the father has to be present or contact isnt allowed, because of a meddling new 'mummy' to ds. Stick to the facts and kick ass.

JetBoyJetGirl · 10/08/2017 08:31

How is it any different to the mother arranging childcare while she works in the holidays?

Yes, she needs legal advice, but this is what he will argue.

Original poster
donners312 · 10/08/2017 08:33

wow thanks for all these responses.

He is a total narc and has proven time and again he has no care for the children - i have a million threads on here.

The DC are 10 and 12 and burst out crying when my mum told them Sharon was going to collect them because Dad had to go to work. They didn't like her when they met her but i know that is too bad.

He is proposing they stay with her for 3 weeks and he comes back at W/E I think. But he is a compulsive liar so i honestly don't know what his real plans are.

I am sure if it went back to court they will rule in his favor, i ve been shocked by the courts lack of care for children every time i go (a lot) and wouldn't be surprised by anything the court ruled but know for a fact it wouldn't make sense or be in the childrens best interests.

OP posts:
NoRetro · 10/08/2017 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
donners312 · 10/08/2017 08:35

and selfishly it cocks things up for me big time, I had planned a weekend away (not had a holiday myself for years) and am also working ALOT because of course he doesn't pay a penny in maintenance either!!

But he would be pleased if i told him that.

Sharon must be a complete fool and i do feel like letting her do it but its not fair on the children, they seriously don't want to go. I don't even know her surname, I think i would look negligent if i sent them TBH?

OP posts:
Mychildcouldnotbreaatfeed · 10/08/2017 08:35

Why are you involving your mum ?

Original poster
donners312 · 10/08/2017 08:37

No retro - I don't have a problem with his GF, but the contact was meant to be with him not someone you are presuming to be his GF? Actually i have a boyfriend kids met him once guess they can just go and stay with him for 3 weeks (errrrrrrrr no!!!)

OP posts:
Mychildcouldnotbreaatfeed · 10/08/2017 08:39

But legally. If you decide they can and send them there is nothing your ex could do about it.

Why do you think it doesn't work the same the others way around?

TimetohittheroadJack · 10/08/2017 08:40

Surely Sharon doesn't really want to look after two kids she doesn't know for three weeks either?
Could you speak to her? Suggest that she brings them back after their father is away again?

Original poster
donners312 · 10/08/2017 08:43

I don't care about legally? I would rather go to jail or do community service than let down my children by letting them go and stay with a stranger?

If someone then say raped them, legally i could get charged with neglect? Did you know this person (no) what is their name (dunno) what is their address (no idea) where in the country do they live (hampshire) wouldn't exactly make you look like a caring or responsible parent would it?

OP posts:
Original poster
donners312 · 10/08/2017 08:45

Time- I know i am sure she doesn't want to look after my two why would she? But because they are in the first flush of love and he is soooooo charming and persuasive she is quite happy to be a mug. She is also loaded and has a nanny for her children and probably housekeeper too so she probably won't be looking after them anyway?? I dunno and thats the point.

OP posts:
Original poster
donners312 · 10/08/2017 08:47

and i think he is suggesting he has them for 'his' 3 weeks but they stay with Sharon and he will be working away except i presume the weekends.

And i have asked him a million times the obvious questions but he is a slippery fucker and never answers anything and even if he does its unlikely to be true.

OP posts:
Mychildcouldnotbreaatfeed · 10/08/2017 08:47

Hyperbole, much?

MrsBertBibby · 10/08/2017 09:40

OP if you don't care about legally, what is the point of this thread?

nigelsbigface · 10/08/2017 11:19

No way would it be the right thing to do to send kids to stay with someone they've never met.
What a fucker your ex is op.Im sorry it's going to mock up your holiday and work etc..

nigelsbigface · 10/08/2017 11:22

Cock up. Not mock up.

Hissy · 10/08/2017 11:28

Get legal advice fast.

If the kids are not happy with this arrangement, that is your leverage.

I would be the first to say, 'they are with their father and that is all you need to know'

but that is not the case. Can they stay in Spain? with the cousins?

Threenme · 10/08/2017 11:35

How can anyone possibly be having a go at op? No way would I send mine with Sharon! People would be reluctant to let them go for a sleep over around the corner if they'd only met friends parents once so 3 weeks with a stranger miles away is ludicrous imo. She's probably involved her mum because she's stressed n wants support! Always amazes me that people seem so determined to come down on the side of someone who's clearly wrong!

Mrscropley · 10/08/2017 11:41

As Sharon's has no PR and is clearly intending to be the carer for long periods of time - what happens if they have an accident in her care? How far away are you? Will df be able to get home quickly. . Because Sharon can't check them into A&E for example or permit medical attention /treatment. . .

Mychildcouldnotbreaatfeed · 10/08/2017 11:51

The pr is a red herring. On a situation where they need medical treatment the hospital will contact a parent and if the can't and it's an life or death emergency they will do the treatment anyway.

Taylor22 · 10/08/2017 12:11

Don't do it OP. Even if he took you back to court the most they'd do is reprimand you and tell you not to do it again.
But they won't. Because you're right.

NoRetro · 10/08/2017 12:34

You're being so overly dramatic. This is clearly about your issues. It's up to your ex who the kids are with when it's his time with them, you don't get to control that. You sound awful.

Taylor22 · 10/08/2017 12:41

And what kind of scumbag father takes his children away from a holiday with people they love to dump them with someone thy don't know?
In every interaction regarding children a parents first thought should be the rights of the child.
They have the right to feel safe and secure. He is not doing this. And so OP has the obligation to step in and protect her children.

LoyaltyAndLobster · 10/08/2017 12:53

And what kind of scumbag father

You have no right to call a man that you've never met, a scumbag, yes I know he may have done some wrong things, but your comment is uncalled for.

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 10/08/2017 13:00

What a horrible situation.

A friend of mine was in a similar position. She had to let the kids go because if her ex was responsible for the kids at that time, he could also pass that care to someone else he deemed suitable.

At least if they are being cared for by a nanny, they will be being looked after professionally, who should know what they're doing and how to treat them etc.

I really empathise though.

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