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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone else read the threads on here and think 'I'm going to stay single forever?'

269 replies

Lovemusic33 · 04/08/2017 15:51

So many people dealing with cheating husbands and partners, emotionally abusive partners and cocklodgers.

Reading these threads makes me so scared of getting into another relationship. I have been single for almost a year after my ex partner (whom I met through OLD) was abusive towards me and eventually cheated on me. I go on a few dates but I'm scared of getting hurt so I don't usually get past the first 2 or 3 dates. I read so many threads on here where people who were happily married have found their dh/dp/do have been cheating on them and it makes me feel so sad and angry. Why do people feel the need to cheat? If your not happy in a relationship then walk away before you tempted by someone else, before you destroy your partner by making them feel they are not good enough.

I would really like to meet my Mr right but at the moment it's so much easier being single and not risking getting hurt.

Does anyone else read the threads here and think 'thank god im single'?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 07/08/2017 11:56

I think quite often with hobbies people get a bit addicted to them and they take over, I can be like that, at the moment I could easily spend all my spare time in the gym but that is my spare time and at the moment I have no one to share that time with so nothing wrong with me being in the gym. When your in a relationship, living together then you need to make sure your hobby doesn't take over meaning you are not spending enough time helping your partner with the kids and the house.

OP posts:
IfNot · 07/08/2017 12:04

Also, the lycra
Haha! I know!!

I'm not anti cyclying. I love hurtling accross the moors on a mountain bike once in a while, or cyclying around somewhere set up for it, like Copenhagen. Over there bikes are just a means of transport. People get from a to b in normal clothes often on old knackered bikes.
MAMILS ride 2 abreast on windy country lanes in the middle of nowhere in their stupid fucking outfits and 2 thousand quid bikes. They go " ding ding!!!" behind me on the canal footpath as they zoom past at 40 miles an hour, regardless of dogs and toddlers.
One day...one day I will poke my stick in their tires and send them flying into the water.

user1488575338 · 07/08/2017 18:39

IfNot - do it!!!!! Bloody pain in the arses they are. No consideration for anyone but themselves. I had to overtake two of them once as they were riding side by side, one of them threw a conker at my car!!!! Cheeky sod.

SpicedGingerTea · 07/08/2017 20:04

Been single for 5 years nearly,..... very happily settled now with DS and 2 cats (!), but occasionally dabble in OLD. I have recently been talking to a man, nearly 50, who is a MAMIL. All of his photos were of him on his bike, riding through streams, up mountains etc. He even had one where his lycra was undone to his lower stomach, which bemused me a bit.

Anyway, we were talking about hobbies and his answer was something like 'I cycle all the time, especially at this time of year. All weekend, and several week nights. If I'm at home I'm on the exercise bike. When I see my son we always go cycling,........' and on and on it went, cycling blah, bikes blah de blah.

Dunno, it just put me off somehow. And after reading this I think that was a good call! Grin

HelenaDove · 07/08/2017 20:59

"I've also seen this with step parents, usually it's the man who assumes the woman will be available to look after his kids"

This is why i would have HUGE HUGE reservations about dating a man with kids

TeachesOfPeaches · 07/08/2017 21:14

Can anyone remind me of what the benefits are of a relationship please? Seems to me like it's all compromising and sacrifice.

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 07/08/2017 21:45

The only beniffits I can see are
-sex

  • hugs
  • someone to catch spiders

Can't think of anything else Grin

OP posts:
MozzchopsThirty · 07/08/2017 21:56

None of those things would make me want a man right now

I have a vibrator
Hug my friends & dcs
I don't love spiders but they do not make me want a man

MoreProseccoNow · 07/08/2017 21:57

I think if you can find a decent bloke like finding a needle in a haystack the benefits are: kindness, companionship, support, sex. It just seems a very hard thing to find & keep hold of.

runningyogabooze · 07/08/2017 22:12

No I am v happy with my husband but don't post that as how boring would that be?

There are lots of good men out there, I promise.

runningyogabooze · 07/08/2017 22:14

IfNot your mamil post made me LOL!

I too am a cyclist but I fucking hate those lycra clad, entitled twats.

Brilliant.

dorindadoriano · 07/08/2017 23:16

Only 33 but i have given up ever getting a partner or marriage. I do not enjoy dating at all and rather remain single than ever do online dating ever again.

sugarlost · 07/08/2017 23:49

Online dating can be painful...there are so many single people out there but to find a decent partner is like winning the lottery! Yes you need to develop a thick skin but even with that it can be soul destroying.

Its like I feel at peace not being in the online dating pool..I can't believe it's so hard for many of us to meet a lovely life partner..they say everything happens for a reason I guess!
We have to look on the bright side and make the most of our situations and it's good that many of us appear to be doing just that Smile

dogfish1 · 08/08/2017 03:00

user while I can't know the facts I suspect that was because your overtaking was dangerous.
Some of you could use a little tolerance. Nothing wrong with cycling in lycra per se. Most of them go for a couple of hours at the weekend. Who cares what they wear? A lot of women wear Lycra for yoga etc and a guy ranting about that would sound a bit moronic.
Helena if you don't want to look after someone else's kids just say no. Easy.

HelenaDove · 08/08/2017 03:04

Im married so im talking entirely hypothetically. The difference though is its just expected of women.

TeachesOfPeaches · 08/08/2017 07:37

I work at a headhunting firm and many of the executives we work with live apart from their wives during the week. The wives are living the glamorous lifestyle but have no clue what their husbands are up to. These middle aged men are reliving their student days but with a much healthier budget

emilybrontescorset · 08/08/2017 07:39

2 of my very close friends have recently got married for the second time. Both of the men have never been married and are both childless.
I think that makes a difference.

KarmaNoMore · 08/08/2017 07:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emilybrontescorset · 08/08/2017 07:48

Why is there something wrong with someone who doesn't have children?
To be fair both men are younger than the women too.

ShatnersWig · 08/08/2017 07:54

Karma Thanks. I'll just throw myself of a bridge and have done with it shall I because I'm a 43 year old bloke with no children and haven't been married. Presumably living with the same partner for 11 years doesn't count?

How about men who have had kids but not got married? I mean, what about those blokes on Jeremy Kyle who've had three kids with different women but never married any of them? They're perfectly lovely bloke but me because I don't have kids has something "VERY wrong" with me?

Nice. Apparently decent men are like finding a needle in a haystack according to other posters. But decent, according to Karma presumably means they must be divorced and/or a single father who probably spends only weekends with his children.

Good thread, this.

NurseButtercup · 08/08/2017 08:00

@KarmaNoMore

How old are you?

I'm 44 next month, don't have any kids and never been married and there's nothing wrong with me!

Elendon · 08/08/2017 08:25

This is a great thread to read.

I've been divorced twice, now in my fifties. I've NO intentions of ever living with someone else. If I meet someone it will be them in their house and me in mine. Holidays/weekends together fine, but that would be it.

I would never judge either if they had never had children (in fact it would probably be a bonus).

Perhaps nursebuttercup and shatnerswig should pm each other? Smile

ProphetOfDoom · 08/08/2017 08:37

I'd be more wary if someone had never married or never had a relationship lasting longer than a couple of years by the time they were in their late 30s/40s. My current guy has no kids but is a great uncle to his nephews & younger cousins & that suits me perfectly. Another reason why I'm probably single is that I have no desire to be a step-parent. It's not the children but the argy bargy that comes with it. I do think being on my own and largely liking it makes me less tolerant than I was.

user1488575338 · 08/08/2017 08:48

Karma - I can assure you there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. I have high standards and I won't drop those standards. Maybe I overvalue myself, but I've seen enough shit relationships to know that is not how I want to live my life.

NewDaddie · 08/08/2017 08:52

I spent the night away from my wife last night... There wasn't another woman I was sanding and caulking a stairwell

Dw & I develop property together and our dd was ill last week, so we were looking after her and now we're behind schedule. I also managed to forget to buy teabags so I'm reusing my last 2 together for another for one more cheeky cup.

None of my friends were told nor am I going to start a thread about my mundane life events. My point is that most people live boringly happy lives, abuse and infidelity isn't the daily norm for most people even if it is the daily news.

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