Anyone else read the threads on here and think 'I'm going to stay single forever?'

[Lovemusic33]

So many people dealing with cheating husbands and partners, emotionally abusive partners and cocklodgers.

Reading these threads makes me so scared of getting into another relationship. I have been single for almost a year after my ex partner (whom I met through OLD) was abusive towards me and eventually cheated on me. I go on a few dates but I'm scared of getting hurt so I don't usually get past the first 2 or 3 dates. I read so many threads on here where people who were happily married have found their dh/dp/do have been cheating on them and it makes me feel so sad and angry. Why do people feel the need to cheat? If your not happy in a relationship then walk away before you tempted by someone else, before you destroy your partner by making them feel they are not good enough.

I would really like to meet my Mr right but at the moment it's so much easier being single and not risking getting hurt.

Does anyone else read the threads here and think 'thank god im single'?

No no no no no. I left my bloody awful ex after finding this site. The strength and support was amazing. Absolutely brilliant. But I'm now with a new DP who is the kindest, sexiest, jovial man I've ever ever met. There really is hope after shite x

JK i find kindness and compassion in a man an incredible turn on.

OP we seem to follow -lurk- in my case lately on the same threads. So much of what you and others have said rings true.
And for what it's worth, I had 8 men message me on Facebook when I became single. All attached. Left me feeling sick as most were in so called 'perfect' relationships.
I don't use Facebook any more. It's actually quite damaging.

Well the question was around what you think when you read Relationships threads. And that's what I think when I do. I rarely comment on them these days.

God I totally recognise so much of this thread. I was married to a MAMIL. We both worked f/t but he buggered off most of the weekends riding his bike. And don't get me started on the cycling holidays. He was a narcissistic arsehole though and it if it hadn't been cycling it would have been something else.
He met someone else within weeks of us splitting, and he has stopped cycling since he met her. Fucking hypocrite

What is it with men who cycle?
Glad it's not part of my dps interests.

There's nothing wrong with cycling per se. Plenty of women cycle. It is probably though, not compatible with having a very young family as it can be very time consuming.

Its the opt-out of family life via a hobby that men who do it think their wives can't blatantly see, thats the issue

Mistress.........i strongly suspect these are the type of men who have children in order to complement their portfolio.

Married men with kids............more likely to get promoted.
Married women with kids.........much less likely to be.

I think this is why some men are threatened by childfree by choice women.

I follow a young woman on twitter who (like me) is childfree by choice and has been on tv to talk about it and the misogynistic abuse she gets from men on there is disgusting.

I did the tv thing too but back in the late 90s pre social media.

Sorry for slight derail.

Yes as I said in my post if it wasn't cycling it would have been something else. My ex simply wasn't interested enough in me and our kids. Now he's got a new woman he's suddenly dropped cycling as he wants to make an effort for her, which he couldn't fit me.

This thread has introduced me to term MAMIL, which is handy shorthand for what I've been wondering about for a few years now. A pp says that "plenty of women cycle" but from what I've observed that's not actually the case. Or if women cycle, they do so in a different environment and reasons - maybe in the park with their DCs. For 4 years I lived in an area which was very popular with MAMILs - many of them were members of cycling clubs and they often would cycle round the local area in packs of 10 - 20. So, plenty opportunities to observe them, and two things struck me. First - women were conspicuous by their absence - I reckoned less than 5% of the cyclists I saw were women, and I'm being generous with that 5%. Second - these cycling men were of an age to have young children at home, and yet there they were, cycling around in lycra, with very expensive bikes and all the other kit and gadgets that seem to be part and parcel of it.

Women, I noticed, tended instead if they were out and about at all without children, to be running. Half an hour, maybe an hour, to themselves - low tech, less gear required, and less expensive. Quick run while the kids are at school or nursery or in their beds.

MAMILS - yep!

i strongly suspect these are the type of men who have children in order to complement their portfolio

Helena - yep. It looks good doesn't it? Its the right thing to do, to "tit in"

Also think there are some men who are simply bored by married life, inc the domestics, the childcare, doing activities with the DCs etc . They are the taking hobby to the extreme types..

NearlyFree17 "My ex simply wasn't interested enough in me and our kids. Now he's got a new woman he's suddenly dropped cycling as he wants to make an effort for her".

Its all lovely and exciting isn't it? New life new woman, shedding of responsibilities as it were, new sex. When he gets used to her and then bored she'll have the real him that you are lucky to be free of. Im sure when you met he wasn't married to his hobby. Give him time...

MistressDeeCee exactly-when he met me he put everything else aside for me.
And yes to whoever mentioned the huge amount of money as well as time these men spend on their hobby. My ex was also into photography and is always in debt paying off the latest camera.

You can't have these money and time intensive hobbies when you have young children. You just can't, very selfish.

I think there's a risk of generalising here. Of the guys I hang out with the cyclists and runners probably spend more time with their kids than average, and their wives are more likely to have corresponding hobbies. The sofa slobs tend to spend less, and the worst is a guy with no recognisable interests at all besides 80s pop trivia. You may have met some dodgy MAMIL's but IME their wives exact a fair price for the money and time required.

Yes my ex became very keen on cycling once the baby was born. I would be on my knees from exhaustion from doing all the night feeds. Come the weekend, he was off on his bike first thing and once didn't come back until 8pm. Twat.

Also, the lycra

Also when I was on mat leave and surviving on SMP while still paying half the rent etc he bought himself a £2k mountain bike even though we live in London and he had another expensive bike. And OMG the hundreds of pounds spent on Rapha cycling clothes. £100 for one top.

I hate cyclists!!!

I think half of this generalising is more part of the UK's hostility to bikes than anything else. My dh would qualify as a MAMIL. He takes the long way to work and back on his bike. It's healthy for him, it's good for the environment. If he started clearing out for hours on end at the weekend leaving me with all the parenting, or worse going on holidays the same, I'd be having words. I'd suggest you all do the same.

The issue is parenting and how ill-prepared men are for it in the UK, stop side tracking into complaining about the bikes!

Yes!!
I've been pondering this over the last couple days. I first came on here to read other peoples stories of being left because it made me feel a little less alone after being royally fucked over by my ex.

But now I've lost all the faith - I'm dating a couple of lovely men at the moment and I'm already getting cold feet. What if I have sex with them once and they disappear on me? What if I really like one of them and they ghost me? Honestly I don't feel like it's worth it. At least being single I'm free from most pain and I never ever want to feel the way I did when my ex left.

But at the same time, I'm a hopeless romantic and I don't want to give up on "love" just because my ex was a horrible shithead hellbeast.

Pip I have been ghoasted so many times you start to get anxious waiting for it to happen again so you hold back and try not to over invest but then you come across as being cold and not interested so get dumped anyway.

I agree with the cycling, cycling to work to save using a car is fine but doing it as a hobby at the weekend is just a big fat 'no no'.

But cycling is great! Absent or hands-off fathers not so much. Parenthood and cycling are not mutually exclusive. Everyone deserves a hobby and everyone needs exercise. It's about the negotiation.

Bang on, phlox. Cycling, macrame or nude arc welding are all fine so long as the other partner gets an equal chance to do their own thing. It's unfair to single out cycling or any other hobby as incompatible with family life or signifying selfishness. The devil's always in the detail.

True. Everything in moderation.
What's not right is someone assuming they can book a weekend away without consulting g their oh and assuming their oh will be available to look after the dc.
I've also seen this with step parents, usually it's the man who assumes the woman will be available to look after his kids.