Anyone else read the threads on here and think 'I'm going to stay single forever?'

[Lovemusic33]

So many people dealing with cheating husbands and partners, emotionally abusive partners and cocklodgers.

Reading these threads makes me so scared of getting into another relationship. I have been single for almost a year after my ex partner (whom I met through OLD) was abusive towards me and eventually cheated on me. I go on a few dates but I'm scared of getting hurt so I don't usually get past the first 2 or 3 dates. I read so many threads on here where people who were happily married have found their dh/dp/do have been cheating on them and it makes me feel so sad and angry. Why do people feel the need to cheat? If your not happy in a relationship then walk away before you tempted by someone else, before you destroy your partner by making them feel they are not good enough.

I would really like to meet my Mr right but at the moment it's so much easier being single and not risking getting hurt.

Does anyone else read the threads here and think 'thank god im single'?

I hope you come to equally quick conclusions when you see a group of women out playing tennis. Which is a very common sight round my way. Not sure how you can decide so quickly that a MAMIL's wife is such a doormat, but IME they're anything but.

None of that round here, Dogfish - and I'm in a very suburban area, with good schools etc. Of my DC's school class, I'd say about 3 out of 30 mothers don't work. The rest do and seem to get lumbered with all the household shit on top of that.

Isn't there a saying: "Women have always had children, men have always had golf"?

Prosecco. Nail on head I think. The dangerous age for men is mid 40's. There is very much a feeling of "is this it". Let's face it many men just don't like family life. They prefer their hobbies, their mates and work. My dad did the odd thing with us but he was happiest on the golf course with his buddies.

Women do change after having children and I think there is an expectation that men will know this and just change at the same pace.

If I knew how marriage would pan out I would have stayed single.

Interesting reading.

I thing women often have been raised to defer to men. I saw/see it with GP's and parents (to a lesser degree)

Depressing.

I never get hit on, even when i was single and certainly not since divorcing. ExDH was first 'serious' relationship.

I put men off... just by existing it would seem.

CV893 ,I don't think it's just a man thing, I ended things with dh because I couldn't stand family life, I wanted more, I wanted to do my own thing and we wanted different things for the future, he was ten years older then me so had hit that age where he was settled whilst I realised I had missed out on a big chunk of my life by getting married early and having dc's.

I think it works both ways.

Er, I meant weekend tennis, but my point is that you usually have no idea what bargains individual couples make, and why. And they should take responsibility for their choices. If your suburban friends are being treated like doormats then they should give their husbands a kick up their lycra clad arse, and possibly let their tyres down as well. These are not illiterate peasants living in violent homes, they are educated couples where both sides have a lot to lose from divorce. Maybe the truth is that most of the deals they strike aren't that bad for either side. That applies to most of the relationships I know anything about. The women are a lot tougher than the doormats mentioned here.

Yep, my partner has just broken up with me (3 days ago). I had been single for 2 years after coming out of a 6 abusive relationship. He was completely different and the nicest person I could ever wish to meet. I'm now completely put off ever having a relationship again. I know some work put but I genuinely don't think I can go through this type of pain I'm feeling right now again

I'm happily married, but reading the MN relationships board has certainly led me to think that if I found myself single I would probably choose to stay that way.

I think women equally dislike hitting 40 and equally dislike giving up their freedom to fulfill family obligations but they do it. Unlike selfish narcissistic male shits

Sorry, I do acknowledge that all men are not the same, I'm generalising

I totally agree with eolian
My thoughts to after reading all this.

It's not just in the boards. Everywhere I go it's a topic of conversation - from my friend whose partner is controlling, to the one whose partner works away and when he gets home just wants to be at home to the one who hasn't had sex with her OH for 8 years.
My exh broke my heart, mind and soul but when I was with him I felt lucky (now I identify he was a narcissistic twat).

Sogo sorry you are going through a rough time, I know exactly what you mean, I am petrified of going through that pain again, worried that next time will be even harder.

And yet... I've seen very little evidence of this in real life tbh. No arsehole exes myself, no marriage problems in either my or dh's family and very few among our friends. I guess that must be fairly unusual though.

Saucysausages I didn't mean your relationship specifically but in your post you referenced looking out and seeing others like you, settled, married, seemingly tight knit. As that was my view too in my 30s. And now I look back and I see divorces, illness, suicide, unfaithfulness, unhappily seeing it out because they don't want to lose the house/children/lifestyle. I do know a couple of couples still happily married but I can't identify the magic ingredient that makes them buck the trend.

The difference in my 40s I've noted it that many women embrace being single, especially the freedom it gives them, whilst I've met men all too keen to get their feet under someone else's table again and have domestic services resumed.

@dogfish1 with a post like that it's not a surprise you're single.

You sound like a right prick.

I had an eleven year relationship that just fizzled out. Getting over it took no time

I am in the process of leaving a man who is quite frankly the most malevolent cunt you could ever meet. Every day that goes by I discover a new level of toxicity and self absorption.

I am also expecting our third baby at 42

I will NEVER live with or accommodate a man in a relation ship context ever ever again. To me being in relationship now involved lowering your expectations so much you might as well go potholing.

For me i think my own hobbies take up too much time to accommodate a proper relationship or certainly a live in one.

If you mean my first post lollipop, I meant no offence, only that there's more than one way to paint a bleak, unrepresentative picture.

Agree with most of the posters on here.

lollipop you have a great turn of phrase

KarmaNoMore Sat 05-Aug-17 18:21:02
Ahhh! Nice way to shorten what it takes me so long to whisper (immature arse exercising every free hour of the day, leaving the woman to deal with all the house chores and kids while he is having fun with his mates, all in the excuse of improving his health

while moaning that his wife is putting on weight.

Ive seen this scanario on threads many times.

I've said it before and I'll say it again.. .if any man of mine ever took up cyclying (I don't mean using a bike to get up the shops I mean HOBBY cycling ) I would end things. There are soo many MAMILS in the countryside where I live. I often have a strong and worrying urge to run them into the ditch.
Men do create more housework, even ones who aren't twats like your ex Karma (congrats on getting rid).

A bloke who thought like you do when he saw a group of women playing tennis would rightly be classed as a misogynist tosser. Hobbies all depend on how much time and money you spend on them and what other commitments you have.