Anyone else read the threads on here and think 'I'm going to stay single forever?'

[Lovemusic33]

So many people dealing with cheating husbands and partners, emotionally abusive partners and cocklodgers.

Reading these threads makes me so scared of getting into another relationship. I have been single for almost a year after my ex partner (whom I met through OLD) was abusive towards me and eventually cheated on me. I go on a few dates but I'm scared of getting hurt so I don't usually get past the first 2 or 3 dates. I read so many threads on here where people who were happily married have found their dh/dp/do have been cheating on them and it makes me feel so sad and angry. Why do people feel the need to cheat? If your not happy in a relationship then walk away before you tempted by someone else, before you destroy your partner by making them feel they are not good enough.

I would really like to meet my Mr right but at the moment it's so much easier being single and not risking getting hurt.

Does anyone else read the threads here and think 'thank god im single'?

I think that's the point being made, Dogfish - that men who work long hours/have little input to family life prioritise their hobby over family time.

My DP used to work long hours/away from home - I juggled working, kids, commuting, housework, kids hobbies/stuff, shopping during the week - and struggled like hell trying to keep all the plates spinning.

So when he came to ask "permission" to play golf at the weekend, I used to want to beat him to death with his sodding clubs. He would then say "you have a day to yourself too" & I'd reply - "so we get no family time, you hardly see the kids & our whole lives should evolve around your work & hobbies - eff off!".

Yes, I still feel resentful about that - and also want to run the MAMIL's in to the ditch too!

That's because a lot of men don't like "family time"

Hobby time is much more fun!

Karma I totally agree, being a lone parent is a lot less work than having a lazy ass H

My exh would do fuck all around the house, we both worked full time and I would still have to do dinner every night.
He had an endless stream of hobbies that would cost ridiculous amounts of money and take him out all day at weekends

Life is much easier, cheaper and less stressful without him

CV893 Yep, these men are just selfish. No wonder the women get fed up with them & leave.

Strangely I have seen the opposite happen. The man finds Domestic life all a bit shit and ends up having an affair or leaving despite his wife's perceived dullness enabling his selfish behaviour in the first place

Despite her enabling

So my point was that although you both seem to have married tossers that doesn't support homicidal feelings towards men on bikes as a whole. Most of them are probably less selfish than your exes, gay, single or all 3. Sorry you made such crap choices. I'm not sure in what sense you were compelled to make your husbands' dinners or let them play golf. In your position I'd have put the golf clubs on eBay and refused to cook anything. Although I think you reached the right result in the end.

Interesting thread.
I think in general, people don't tolerate the terrible behaviour they did in the past.
When the women who lived either side of my mum passed away, both told my mum they had been beaten on a regular basis by their husbands. Neither of them left. It made me feel very sad and angry. Nowadays I'd hope the marriage would end at the first sign of violence.

I think being single or having a partner and not living with them is perfectly acceptable. I also think if you've been through a divorce it opens your eyes to the crap you tolerated. I can say for a fact I would never accept being treated the way I was when I was married. A lot of that is down to feeling cornered into Doing so because of having children.
Having DC, a cat and a vibrator sounds like paradise!

I was never married to a MAMIL. Or anyone who played golf. Heaven forfend.
I have friends who are though. I know lots of fathers who "work" long hours and still make time for their own hobbies. Weirdly the mothers who work in the same type of jobs manage to get the same work done within normal office hours.
If I knew a woman who was out of the house 60 hours a week and made time for her and her pals to go off for tennis weekends on the regular leaving her husband with all the shit work I would say she was a crap wife and mother.
But I just have never come accross that situation...
We are sort of conditioned growing up, just from what we see around us, to accept the shitty end of the stick. It's often a revelation in middle age that so many married women are putting up with a crap deal, and that actually you don't have to.

I agree, where that happens it's a Bad Thing and it's great that we're seeing less of it.

Much less, IME. I know of only one couple with that pattern and in that case it's quite obvious that the wife is making her exit plans, waiting until the kids are further through private school and the husband's pension rights have accrued a bit. Nothing wrong with that. She will get custody and he will be paying for a good while.

In all the other cases I know the bloke could ask for dinner while lying on the sofa, in which case he'd get it down his shirt front. The women seem to have plenty of time for yoga retreats and spa days. Nothing wrong with that either.

And it's the arseholes like that who are on the dating scene in their 40's onwards. That's why it's so bloody depressing.

Ok, admittedly these examples are shockers.

And I congratulate you ladies in having dumped their sorry backsides.

Free lunches are rare in this life and I think it's unlikely they'll find bubbly girls who don't come at some kind of price. Poetic justice.

I think one issue is a lot of men 'think' they want a family --- and they do for the fun bits and to feel 'normal'. What they don't really want is the day to day grind especially with under 7s. Married life can be quite dull for some to be honest especially if money is tight and no willing relatives to help out on hand and I think this is a shock for a lot of men and some women too to discover it isn't a long round of Disneyworld , on tap sex and dressing kids up cute. Sadly this is when the grass often seems greener and people with no baggage stroking egos suddenly seems fun and gives the day a lift.

I can't figure them out, men. The hangover from childhood seems pretty strong in so many cases.

My ex's self-absorption has worsened since marriage ended.

Agree with dogfish about the free lunch comment.

Mostly I believe I won't meet anyone because I am drained. Frustrated. Hurt. Embarrassed.

Who'd want that?! Best off staying single til I'm stronger.

After my STBXH had an affair after a year of marriage and I wasn't even yet 30, I do find myself hesitant to ever be in a serious relationship ever again. He completely broke my heart and I can't imagine ever loving someone else the way I loved him.

I am now early 30's, and I would love to have a family, a child, as I didn't have that growing up. But I would also never ever want to be a single parent, so I think I'm safer just not bothering and staying single for the rest of my life!

Since becoming single the amount of cheating I hear about now depresses me. I was one of those smug "will never happen to me" types, and it's been an eye opener for me in a massive way. I see affairs all around me, friends who are starting families but are struggling and complain about their DH's. My few other single friends constantly being messed about by men. It all just depresses me! I am busy with hobbies, I've done some solo travels, I've travelled with friends and I have a cat 😄

Meg 'I love being a single parent. I get annoyed when people feel sorry for me doing it alone, it's so much easier , being in a marriage is like having an extra child. Since my dh left it has been so much easier to parent, less stressful and a lot more fun. Maybe it's because he never really helped, never liked going anywhere and was so tight with money, when he left I booked a holiday and replaced all the shitty 2nd hand furniture we had as he was too tight to ever buy anything new.

I have been happily married for more than thirty years to a man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. No children through choice. I look at some of these threads and think: what WERE you thinking? What on earth did/do you see in him? Why do you put up with it? and occasionally: Give the bloke a break

I think a lot of the behaviour starts after DC, not before, and then it's more difficult to split up.

If you're happily married, of course it's much harder to imagine yourself in that situation. Hopefully you'll never find yourself in that position.

fluffi im childfree by choice too.