Anyone else read the threads on here and think 'I'm going to stay single forever?'

[Lovemusic33]

So many people dealing with cheating husbands and partners, emotionally abusive partners and cocklodgers.

Reading these threads makes me so scared of getting into another relationship. I have been single for almost a year after my ex partner (whom I met through OLD) was abusive towards me and eventually cheated on me. I go on a few dates but I'm scared of getting hurt so I don't usually get past the first 2 or 3 dates. I read so many threads on here where people who were happily married have found their dh/dp/do have been cheating on them and it makes me feel so sad and angry. Why do people feel the need to cheat? If your not happy in a relationship then walk away before you tempted by someone else, before you destroy your partner by making them feel they are not good enough.

I would really like to meet my Mr right but at the moment it's so much easier being single and not risking getting hurt.

Does anyone else read the threads here and think 'thank god im single'?

I've been with OH 5 years now, we don't live together I enjoy that sometimes he's here sometimes I'm at his, we holiday together etc. I've been married before and I absolutely do not want to live with a man again. I like my space and peace; when I was married even before we started disagreeing it had dawned on me living with a man felt suffocating to me. Im off work today have happily done sweet f.a, going to watch 3 back to back episodes of a new TV series I fancy in a while then read, catch up with a friend on phone later etc. All from the comfort of my chair. Bliss. I like my own company at times. I do read about happy relationships/happily married couples here and there and I know they do exist. But yes the threads on here are seriously off-putting. I wish I could say in real life the married couples I know are happy. But I can't.

Reading the OLD ongoing thread is too

You can't win though because if your single you get lonely and if you date someone and don't live with them, you waste your whole life in the car driving back and forth or on the phone. Well for me anyway.

YY Mistress i dip in and out and lurk on the dating threads and the will he wont he angst on there.............i couldnt be fucking bothered.

And the high expectations...........women are expected to be waxed EVERYWHERE except their heads. Some of us cant afford things like a leg wax. Its ridiculous. And as for expectations of shaved pubes and anal

"If your not happy in a relationship then walk away before you tempted by someone else, before you destroy your partner by making them feel they are not good enough."

I'm not convinced that leaving someone because you don't love them is going to leave them feeling much better than being cheated on.

"From what ive read on here guys on OLD expect too much and dont like or want to date low income women.

I will save myself the heartache and the bother when the time comes."

Helena, I've seen you post such things many, many times and it makes me sad. Yes, there are awful things about modern dating. Dick picks, pressure for instant sex and non-vanilla things (if that's not what you want), pube waxing, etc. all goes on, but true love still exists as well. Don't give up on the whole idea of love.

I think I will be single forever, but it's not really through choice.

Single by choice for 9 years now. I just don't want a relationship, never feel lonely either. I definitely couldn't contemplate ever living with a man again, i need a lot of time alone and like my own space. If I met someone who was happy with a once a week type set up I might be tempted, but ime they always want more. I have a deal with my friend that she's to clear out my bedroom drawer if I get hit by a bus.

No.

The Relationship board is very one sided, by its very nature.
People write to complain, because no one who is happily in a relationship will write about it on.

I waa thinking this exact thing earlier. I've been divorced nearly 6 years. There's been a fwb here and there, some lovely dates and weekends in gorgeous hotels. But nothing can persuade me that I need someone in my life on a permanent basis. There is precisely nothing about a long term relationship that I need. I get quite cross when friends say," oh, you just need to meet the right one," or "you'll change your mind when you meet a lovely man". Why?? What can anyone offer that I dont have, apart from an irritating presence in my life complete with laundry, emotional baggage and a requirement for me to interact reasonably often. No thank you!

It's hard to write or say positive things, because you risk coming across as a smug twat if you tell people that you're agast at what their relationship is like.

I have friends who have husbands who are worse than useless. Occasionally I say something like why don't you try x y or z because it works well for us but actually coming out with the words that your husband is a shiftless waster and you should at least try to stop letting him get away with it would mean one friendship less...

I feel the same OP. My first relationship (marriage) was from age 17 to 25 and he cheated. After a couple of years I met someone through OLD, quickly moved in together and he was a controlling, violent abuser. We split up almost a year ago now and I have had no interest whatsoever in dating or men. I am 30 and I know I'd love to have a baby someday but I can't see it happening as I don't even want to be alone with a man in a lift, let alone a bedroom!

I think I felt like this until recently.I met DP though, and he is great on the whole. No expectation of hairlessness or anal (!)
I think it helps that we have both, er, been around the block a few times and know which side our bread is buttered. He also knows that I would have his balls for earrings if he cheated on me, and there would be no going back. I think also, as we are both over 40, it feels more realistic that we can hobble along together into old age, whereas if you get together in your 20s the chances of going the distance are maybe slimmer.
Having said that, part of the reason I can contemplate togetherness is the fact that I know I can be alone. I'm not scared of it.
So, if he turns out to be a wrong un, I wouldn't hesitate to cut my losses and be on my own again.
I absolutely think that you can be happy and alone, with maybe a casual set up (if you can do casual sex, which I know I can't really).

Hi OP, I've been a single mum for over a year now with a small toddler and it's great. We do as we please! No need to send my son to bed early so we can have 'adult time' and nobody to argue with about the washing up, money, weekend plans etc. I feel so much happier single and really can't understand why someone would want a man living in their space the whole time? You only get half a bed ffs!

Oh God Yeah. The bed thing. If we move in together I will need my own room. I have said this to men all my adult life, and the reaction is always horror. "But whhhyy??"
Because I like to starfish in the middle of a lovely cool bed! And have my girly things all over the room! And not have your mucky socks chucked everywhere! Duh!

Another one here embracing the single life with relish. Live with a man again? No, I don't think so and like many others have said already I can only think of one couple who are really happy. And all those smug ones, well let's just not tell them how quick their DHs were to offer "servicing" to a new divorcee. Put me off more than anything else. Left me with a deep distrust which i can't see i can get over.

I was single after divorce for 5 years before meeting someone for nice times but I'd never want to live with him or give up my independence.

I'm very cynical nowadays and even when I read the "my dh is amazing" threads I remember that I used to be a smug married until I found the texts

I had the same experience as you fanciedachange. Early days after divorce, it was shocking the number of offers from married men. All turned down

I've thought for a while perhaps I should stay off the Relationship board as it does put you off another relationship. So many cheaters, people not happy, but as someone said, they're more likely to post their problems. The world has changed since I was last in a relationship. Expectations have completely changed. It does make you feel out of step with it all.

The relationship board only gives one side of the story.
Whilst you can never be 100% sure your oh won't cheat, there are half of marriages that survive. Although, that doesn't mean nobody cheated.

We are due to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary soon, if anything happened to our marriage I'd just date and have some FWB rather than let somebody else in.

Maybe you need to be on your own for a while longer if it's only been a year, if you get to know yourself really well you may end up with a better man in the end

Wow, just got in from work and loads of responses to my OP.

I only really miss having someone in the evenings. I am dating someone but I can't imagine having him stay for a weekend let alone living with me. I love having my bed to myself, some nights I don't bother going to bed and I sleep on the sofa with the cat for company. During the day I keep busy with work, gym and a couple hobbies. I love being able to spend money without having to run it by someone else or having to explain why I bought some random item that I don't actually need. I was married for 11 years, we grew apart and split up, stupidly jumped into another relationship which ended badly, I think this has put me off being with anyone else. I would like to think I will find someone to grow old with but at the moment I don't think it's the right time, most men my age still seem really childish and not ready to settle ( not sure if they are ever ready to settle ).

Have expectations changed though? A lot of men don't online date, and are single for years, often feeling much the same as we do.
The main difference I can see between men and women is that men are not as realistic. They harbour romantic fantasies that lead them to do bonkers things, whereas most women by 35 are fairly firmly rooted in reality, and happy to be so. Just my little generalisation for the evening .

Some people are unlucky and end up with awful partners through no fault of their own. The type that would make anyone's life a misery.

But I think there is a bit of intolerance and expecting too much from partners. Nobody's perfect.

Am a guy, middle aged, never married, and you know what? Looks the same from my perspective on a bad day. My married mates are under constant pressure: get promoted, work even harder, buy a bigger house, pay for school fees, swish restaurants and villa holidays which aren't actually fun. All of which their fat DM-reading wives demand while working (very) part time. Would I be daft enough to mistake that or the complaints on this board for the whole picture? No, there are some great relationships out there. The rantings on this board are but a small, bitter fraction of real life.

Yep. I'm single, have been for 3 years and will be for the foreseeable future. I'm happy raising DS as a single parent, I find the idea of step families way too tiring and I don't want another "father" figure for him as his dad is still involved in his life. I like doing things my own way and being in control. There are good men out there but I just don't want one.

I decided all this a while ago though, the threads I read on here just make me think "thank god I don't have to deal with this shite."