Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone else read the threads on here and think 'I'm going to stay single forever?'

269 replies

Lovemusic33 · 04/08/2017 15:51

So many people dealing with cheating husbands and partners, emotionally abusive partners and cocklodgers.

Reading these threads makes me so scared of getting into another relationship. I have been single for almost a year after my ex partner (whom I met through OLD) was abusive towards me and eventually cheated on me. I go on a few dates but I'm scared of getting hurt so I don't usually get past the first 2 or 3 dates. I read so many threads on here where people who were happily married have found their dh/dp/do have been cheating on them and it makes me feel so sad and angry. Why do people feel the need to cheat? If your not happy in a relationship then walk away before you tempted by someone else, before you destroy your partner by making them feel they are not good enough.

I would really like to meet my Mr right but at the moment it's so much easier being single and not risking getting hurt.

Does anyone else read the threads here and think 'thank god im single'?

OP posts:
EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 05/08/2017 09:27

I'm in my mid-40s & want to stay single forever.

I spent my 30s in a car crash of a relationship that should never have lasted as long as it did. The freedom of my own life & space is heaven.

MozzchopsThirty · 05/08/2017 09:28

Yes to pp getting propositions from married men

Last year i got offered a quick fling with two dads, both involved in rugby / football and I know both their wives Shock
It beggars belief

I did say to one of them 'what is it about me that makes you all think I'm looking for a ONS with a slightly overweight middle aged married man'?????

MozzchopsThirty · 05/08/2017 09:31

I'm also early - mid 40s and really couldn't care less if I never meet another man nor even a FWB
Seriously these men have nothing to offer me.
I have my dcs, a cat and a vibrator!!!!
I have lovely friends who enjoy eating, drinking, holidays and going to see films that no man would go to!

So let's hear if for the girls and our amazing lives without men

Girlywurly · 05/08/2017 09:52

Mid-thirties and would never again enter a long-term, committed relationship with a man.

I need men for friendship and sex, but that's all. I can do without the endless moaning, picking-up after, bed-farting, etc.

Someone mentioned Wifework by Susan Maushart. I read it before I married and didn't listen. I wish I had. That book really shows how living with men just makes no sense whatsoever. Fishes and bicycles come to mind!!

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 05/08/2017 09:58

I have been propositioned by married men too and dated someone online who turned out to be married, just makes me wonder how many men are willing to cheat on their wives/partners?

I don't think I could go without sex, I enjoy it too much, I have had a few FWB but things end up getting tricky.

OP posts:
chestylarue52 · 05/08/2017 10:05

The sex part can be tricky. I had a lovely arrangement with a man I met on Craigslist for a year where we would meet up just for sex but he was kind and polite and respectful. He was a great lover too. Then he met someone he wanted to be in a relationship with so we stopped, I do miss him. I'm confident I can find that again tho it just takes a bit of work to find the right person.

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 05/08/2017 10:19

That's what I worry about chesty, although I don't want a full blown relationship I get attached to people and would find that situation hard ( feel rejected ). The man I m dating at the moment I just see once a week or once every 2 weeks, we go out, chat, have sex and then get on with our own thing ( though we do text most days ), this is all ok at the moment apart from my trust issues and me not handling the fact he could be seeing other women too, most of it is the fear of rejection and the fear of the unknown.

OP posts:
IfNot · 05/08/2017 10:35

I'm not sure FWB situations ever really work for women. I would love to think they could, but I truly believe men and women feel differently about sex. Although, as you get older as a woman you do get the ability to compartmentalise a lot better, so maybe.

Loving this:
I did say to one of them 'what is it about me that makes you all think I'm looking for a ONS with a slightly overweight middle aged married man'????? Grin

I was single for YEARS and never once got propositioned by a married man!
Come to think of it though, I was never alone with any of the husbands of my acquaintances with kids, and my other married man friends I have known since teens and they wouldn't dare!

ferriswheel · 05/08/2017 10:35

Love music

Why can't you just be a couple?

differentnameforthis · 05/08/2017 10:44

And all those smug ones, well let's just not tell them how quick their DHs were to offer "servicing" to a new divorcee. AND...there it is....

differentnameforthis · 05/08/2017 10:53

just makes me wonder how many men are willing to cheat on their wives/partners? A lot? Some? But not all.

BattleaxeGalactica · 05/08/2017 10:58

I have long decided if something should happen to dh I won't be bothering again. Partly because something he did has left me with major trust issues and partly because I really CBA with the faff and the risk of being let down all over again. I think we are long past the days where the goal is to snag a man at any cost.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/08/2017 11:11

"
I was single for YEARS and never once got propositioned by a married man!"

Me neither. Must be too ugly or too prudish looking.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/08/2017 11:12

"just makes me wonder how many men are willing to cheat on their wives/partners? A lot? Some? But not all."

Many, I'd say, rather than some. Probably most would if given the chance. Plenty of women would too I'm sure, I'm not men bashing.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/08/2017 11:13

"( though we do text most days )"

Wow. There's nobody in my life that I text most days. That seems like more than a FWB.

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 05/08/2017 11:18

ferris its early days, I would like to be a couple and maybe eventually we will be, he knows about my last relationship and we have agreed to take things very slow (just date for now) and spend time getting to know each other. I don't want to rush into anything, I like him but I don't know him well enough to be in a relationship with him.

I know not all men cheat, it just seems like a lot do. I recently found out that my grandparents had cheated on each other, in those days it wasn't discussed and you just worked through it (put up with it).

I'm sure women are just as bad as men too.

OP posts:
IfNot · 05/08/2017 11:19

It does.
But really, what is a "Friend with benefits"? Its a boyfriend and but without the romance or expectation of fidelity. It's hard to like someone, have great sex, and want to spend time with them without feelings getting hurt ime.

MsGameandWatching · 05/08/2017 11:27

I know there are happy couples out there. I know one very happy couple, I really believe they are. Second marriage for both, no kids...

I know lots of other couples who say they're happy but from what I can see it's working because one of the pair is putting up with quite a lot, examples - financial abuse, VERY bossy spouse, absent DP always off doing their own thing and so on.

I've been married twice, one when I was so young I can barely remember it and one that made me so miserable that had a mental breakdown.

I will never marry or commit again. When my kids are older l might look for someone to have dinner with, go on holiday with occasionally but that's it.

MsGameandWatching · 05/08/2017 11:30

Oh and I was astounded by the amount of FB messages I got after my marriage broke up. From husbands of acquaintances and old male married friends all offering support or just to see how I was getting on...

I posted a thread about it on here and got roasted by a few who claimed that I was making it up or thought I was gods gift. I was not and I do not think that. It did happen though whether that makes people uncomfortable or not.

BeyondQueenOfLists · 05/08/2017 11:34

DH is bearable, (nah, he's okay really!) but if it ended I wouldn't date a man ever again. I wouldn't necessarily remain single forever though, i'd just be with a woman instead.

MsStricty · 05/08/2017 11:40

Reading this thread is actually incredibly validating for me. I just ended a relationship because it wasn't working any more. No bad guys.

But the thought of sharing my space - particularly my bedroom and my bed - with anyone on a permanent basis feels like a bridge too far for me now. I love my space too much; I value it too much. Women are generally redefining themselves in society, and this is being reflected in relationships - and I honestly think that, generally, men have a lot of catching up to do in that respect.

Currently, I live with my ex-husband as housemates, and we co-parent our kid. I rather love it, and we respect each other's privacy, we have a cleaning roster, and I get my own office, my room, my life (he stays at home when I go out or travel; he prefers it that way) - and we do quite a lot together as a family. In fact, we're going for a walk right now.

Life is hard at the moment in some respects: I'm changing, and I need and want to do that alone. But I also look at what I have and it brings tears to my eyes at how fortunate I am in many respects too.

MoreProseccoNow · 05/08/2017 11:55

I've said similar on other threads, MsStrictly - that women have evolved tremendously over the last generation, but men just haven't. Whilst women have started working out with the home, men just haven't stepped up to share the domestic/childcare duties. I find men of my generation utterly depressing; I know of very few who pull their weight outside of work. I'd rather be alone.

MsStricty · 05/08/2017 12:35

Yes, Prosecco - I do a lot of work with this, and it's an area I'm interested in, and men are having a tough time of it, really. (I don't say this empathetically as much as objectively.)

Men aren't going to change easily, in the same way that it has been a struggle for women to redefine ourselves over the decades. Misogyny is going to spike - this culture and attitude isn't going out without a fight - perhaps particularly from those who believe they're exempt and who don't consider themselves as having to change.

I see women increasingly exercising their autonomy over their space in response to this.

MistressDeeCee · 05/08/2017 13:21

dogfish1 ok Smile

MistressDeeCee · 05/08/2017 13:25

This thread has made me wonder tho - although Im very happy with OH, happy not living with him either so I don't have to do the domestics, be great company when I just want to be in my own zone chill read whatever - I am thinking well, what about when we are older/elderly? I know I wouldn't want to be living alone in old age, for sure

Mind you a mate says sod it, women can live together in old age too can't they? If anything went wrong with OH that'd be me, living with a woman friend or 2 looking out fo each other and after each other Smile