Anyone else read the threads on here and think 'I'm going to stay single forever?'

[Lovemusic33]

So many people dealing with cheating husbands and partners, emotionally abusive partners and cocklodgers.

Reading these threads makes me so scared of getting into another relationship. I have been single for almost a year after my ex partner (whom I met through OLD) was abusive towards me and eventually cheated on me. I go on a few dates but I'm scared of getting hurt so I don't usually get past the first 2 or 3 dates. I read so many threads on here where people who were happily married have found their dh/dp/do have been cheating on them and it makes me feel so sad and angry. Why do people feel the need to cheat? If your not happy in a relationship then walk away before you tempted by someone else, before you destroy your partner by making them feel they are not good enough.

I would really like to meet my Mr right but at the moment it's so much easier being single and not risking getting hurt.

Does anyone else read the threads here and think 'thank god im single'?

IfNot - true. Contrary to popular belief, most of the great romantics are chaps. Fine line between that and insanity.

Reading the threads have helped me to decide that I do still want a partner, but I don't want to live with my partner. I enjoy my own space, I don't want to argue about housework, splitting finances etc. So I'm not put off more determined to advocate for living separately.

Recently separated and can happily state I will never live with another man. No way will I compromise my time, money or energy for very little benefit to me. So not worth it.

I was also a smug married until my ExH (first time writing that instead of STBXH ) threw the infidelity bomb into my life. A year on and I can see that every relationship I have been in has been shit for one reason or another. It's not just on here, since splitting up with my ex I have had so many people that confessing how unhappy they are.
I don't want to be alone for ever but I can't imagine being in a close relationship again either, and certainly don't want to have sex again - I'm not sure what to do anymore! And then there was the recent thread on here about what put people off men - and I ticked an awful lot of boxes

Yes

My guy works abroad. We FT and meet up in exotic locations for a fab time or take it in turns to visit each other's homes for a week or so. To simplify things in friends & families' minds we say 'we're dating'. And then I go back to my independent life with the dcs and cat. I love it. And he follows his pursuits. But people don't get it because it's not a conventional arrangement; I enjoy what it offers me right now. F&f want me to 'settle down' 'find the one'. ExH is a MN 3 thread fuckstick, so no thanks . I relish my space and my independence.

The relationships board serves a really important function but it's not the place to hang round if you're full of loved up optimism and happiness.

If when my marriage ends, I won't be getting married or living with a man again. No way Jose.

I think I could be perfectly happy on my own with the kids and perhaps the occasional FWB if the opportunity arose. I don't think I could be arsed even with casual dating either, to much faff and carry on.

dogfish your comment about fat wives jarred a bit a lot I used to be 10 stone heavier and have lost it all but havent got a great tummy due to some loose skin so have got a fair hang.

If i heard that attitude on a date i would get up and walk out tbh. oh and for your info prior to DHS illness well over 10 years ago (hes over retirement age now) i was the breadwinner.

I never moaned about it though. DH is 23 years my senior He NEVER criticized my weight NOT ONCE Even when i was my heaviest

Youve proved my earlier earlier points on the thread quite nicely dogfish.

Your comments really jarred and i actually feel quite sick.

• Even when i was my heaviest at 21 stone.

dogfish .Women aren't ranting they're stating their own preference, most quite happily at that - you haven't stated your own preference really as you're too busy waspishly watching your friends' lives and wives, then in bitter blatant misery landing where women talk, so you can have a good old bitch. The fact you aren't happy isn't the fault of anyone here, deal with it.. The thread isn't about unmarried middleaged men or even wanting one

HelenaDove I wouldn't take any notice of him if I were you, you do get these men coming in aiming to make an impact, they're upset in themselves and want to upset women thats all.

Ta Mistress im probably just feeling a bit out of sorts at the mo. I will be fine

When I separated from DH just after Christmas I was offered services by a male friend who is married. It sort of broke my heart in a different way, I really thought he was one of the good guys. We sorted our differences, it was hard work and we had a couple of months of hard and painful conversations. Both of us admitted our faults.

I recently fell for a woman and I genuinely believe that's partly because I've had so many crap, hard work, boring relationships with guys. I've been put off for life!

Ha IfNot I think it's the exact opposite with DP and I!

I enjoy being single and self reliant. I also have some friends and family wanting me to 'settle down' - mainly my mum, which I laugh at because I'm very settled! I think she just worries about who will look out for me when she's gone.

For me the great joy comes from being financially independent and having autonomy over my living space. The threads that really make me shudder on here are the 'I want to leave but can't afford to' ones or where posters have an abusive or cheating husband and are forced to still live with them.

Successful living together relationships involve sacrifice and compromise and I'm just not built for it, I'd rather not try.

Peanutbuttercheese - that's so depressingly common. I've been propositioned twice by friends husbands. With the assumption I'm some kind of desperate spinster. One of them I threw a glass of wine at which was deeply satisfying.

btw - posting at 4am because I'm caring for my sister and dear niece who is 2 and quite poorly. So it's possible to be single and have many rewarding and loving relationships with different people in life.

I love my dh very much but yes it's very hard to imagine signing up for the whole shebang again if things go tits up. Dh is my second husband as well, nothing wrong with xh except that we were completely incompatible and it took over three years before I could face sharing a room again. Having said that, I do like it now and I am sure I would be very sad to lose him. I would have to see what I felt at the time if he were unfaithful, I think knowing dh he would fall in love with an oh very quickly so things could change fast.

I do think men are the romantic ones but what's very odd is what they consider to be romantic.

There are some brilliant points on here. People seem to think they can change people, which builds up ridiculous expectations.
I'm going through a rough patch at the moment which could end a 4 year relationship as I'm refusing to get married. Fuck that again. She's lovely but, marriage changes people.

I do think people have higher expectations, things are much different than they were 50 years ago, people don't just settle for a 'ok relationship' and don't want to put up wit th bad bits. People have realised that it's ok to be single and it's ok to hold out for the right person rather than just settle with the next best thing?

I go through stages of wanting to be in a relationship and wanting to stay single, I see other couples together and think 'how nice' but I also think 'how stressful' .
I don't think I'm the easiest person to live with, I don't want someone who just puts up with being with me because they want a partner.

My last partner felt like 'the one', there was loads of chemistry, he told me he loved me ten times a day, bought me flowers, fussed over me and showed interest in everything I did but turns out he was a fake and he was being super nice so he could control me, then turned out he was arranging to meet other women for sex when he was meant to be working. I don't know if I will ever get over it and be able to trust again, I am over him (I hate him and I know what we had was not real) but I'm not over the fact that I was stupid enough not to see what he was doing and that someone could tell so many lies, it's kind of ruined any faith I had in people.

As I said before I am dating someone (early days) but I'm finding it hard to connect, scared to feel anything so it's more a FWB type thing. At the moment I just can't see myself being in a relationship, waking up next to someone every day, sharing my life with someone who may screw me over. Maybe in time this will change? maybe I just need more time? But then again it seems to be getting worse as I get used to being alone and I start to enjoy it.

TBH get some therapy you sound quite traumatised (understandably)

I'm very happily married.
My DH has gone above and beyond and have huge respect for him.

We both work Ft and have 3 children under 8. We have a laugh and enjoy sex and date nights and family days out.

Everyone I know in family my age and all from school, uni, are married currently I don't know any single parents.

I don't know if anyone has cheated, never been told
Of DV or the stuff you read about here. Maybe it will
Happen maybe it won't

Maybe you're attracting these single friends with bad experiences because you're the same? I mean as I say I never meet them. Even my work colleagues are allnhappily married and all
Women ages 28-45.

HelenaDove and Mistress my apologies, I didn't mean to upset anyone and certainly not to describe people or relationships in general, only to present a downbeat view from another perspective. As I immediately said, this doesn't represent real life.

Saucy - I wonder how old you are? I'm mid-40's & it's pretty grim. Whereas in my 20's & 30's I probably felt the same as you.

MoreProsecco

So, where do you keep it?