My DH doesn't share

[AliceInReality]

I don't know if this is the right title. I don't even know what I'm asking for. I've name changed and I can't really say anything important or it will give me away but here goes.

We once had a kitten and DH hated the attention it needed and the attention I gave to it. He didn't make me take it away but I couldn't trust him to feed her if I wasn't there so I gave her to a friend.

I used to have friends round and my sister over but he couldn't stand that either. He never did anything completely outright - sometimes he wouldn't speak to them if they said hi, he'd let me know he was upset I was putting them ahead of us. After two years of marriage I realise I have no true friends and I've not seen my sister in years.

His son used to live with us but he I feel he did everything to push him away too.

I don't know why he's like this or why I haven't seen it before. Do any of you have experience of Simone like this and how did you cope?

You're giving away your life, your chance of children, your family (sister), pets, friends. All to accommodate his jealousy and control. Why would you want to continue to do that? You have allowed him to change you, to isolate you, to trample over your dreams of children. And for what? Is he really worth it? Looking ahead 10 or 20 years - will he still be worth it?

What did he condone?

He is awful anyway, but I predict that's going to tip him over into Absolute Top Bastard territory for us.

If I'd said I got rid of the kitten to make him happy it would have caused an argument. I said my friend really wanted it and he said that was great.

Read Pat Craven, Living with the Dominator. Please read it.

I can't keep the baby no matter what. I know that. It will be harder to give the baby up after birth though. He would hate the changes a baby would need. The noise would drive him mad. I don't know how he manages at work.

The thing is he wants the same things as me but when they come he can't handle them. He's always wanted his son but when he came he wasn't what DH expected...

Norna that would be too revealing but my DSS is still suffering because of it. He made him lie to me and keep a secret that could have killed him. It was lucky he got away.

Bloody hell op.
It sounds like your in silent crushing drudgery. Everything on the surface is still but actually it's turmoil under neath. You having to measure every little step and try and guess every reaction to every move to keep the silence. Why are you scared to cause an argument?

Marriage counselling would be a good idea but he's smart and he twists things so I'm always in the wrong or I just feel stupid.

How long have you been together?

Do you ever feel like you can make your own choices or does everything have to be run past him first?

It sounds like an awful way to live. An invisible prison.

What is good about your relationship? What do you like about your DH?

When you were imagining your life did you ever think you would be married and have an abortion because your DH wouldn't like it?

And whatever you like about him is no doubt given on his terms.

You matter too OP and this is not normal by such a huge margin

We been together just over two years but we met in university. He was my first and only boyfriend.

We agreed all decisions would go through him. He makes the big decisions. That was an attractive feature when we first met - he wasn't afraid of taking the lead. He can be witty, charming when he wants to be. My acquaintances, colleagues they all think he is amazing.

When it is just us DH is his real self, kind and loving. I always felt so safe and protected. We could talk about anything but more and more my opinions need to mirror his.

No the thought of having an abortion makes me feel ill. It goes against all I believe in. But what happened to DSS means I can't sleep at night.

Have you posted about the situation with your DSS under another name, OP?

Your DH sounds incredibly controlling. It's highly unlikely that he will change just because you ask him too.

And you still don't want to leave????

You don't need marriage counselling. You need to leave.

Marriage counselling is not going to make an abuser change his ways, because that's what he is - an abuser. And he obviously did something terrible to his son. Marriage counselling can't fix that.

The longer you stay with him, the more he will wear you down until there is nothing left.

You must not have marriage counselling with him. He's abusive and he will utilise the joint counselling to abuse you further.

The only way you can cope with him is to leave him and for god sake don't have babies with him

You don't need counselling you need to leave before you wind up on one of the 'murdered by my boyfriend' programs - your DSS is 'lucky he got away' 'it could have killed him' does that not set alarm bells in your head.

Swallow your beliefs and abort the child as awful as that sounds otherwise you are knowingly bringing a child into this and then you are as much to blame as him.

He won't change, he will only get worse.

What happened to him?

And why doesn't it make you want to leave?

He sounds like a nutter. You need to get out of that relationship and quick.

This is getting more disturbing the more the OP posts.
Your Dh sounds like a sociopath. Please leave before you or your step son gets seriously hurt.

He isn't a genuinely kind and loving man, and you know it, deep down. Whatever he did to his son must have been very bad. He will hurt your child badly too, and you know it, that's why you know you can't continue your pregnancy. I know you don't want LTB but that is your only option. Your situation is not normal. Please get out. Xx

Oh it's you!! I'm sorry you now find yourself pregnant. What your H allowed his DS to go through was beyond horrible. What are your plans?

Have your beautiful baby. You will have years of happiness fun and joy from him/ her. Do not put your partner ahead of your baby. He only promises you years of isolation unhappiness and fear. Please choose your baby for your own sake.

Yeah, sorry I suggested counselling. I was trying to gently engage the OP. Didn't want her to leave the thread because she's not ready to hear all the "LTBs" yet.

But this is beyond marriage counselling OP. He sounds dangerous.

What did he allow the DS to go through?

I've managed for two years not to get pregnant and at the worst time it seems I could be but it is too early to tell. I'm two weeks late. I've not stopped taking BC and I'm usually as regular as clockwork. I thought it was stress and I only thought to check because it was mentioned on another thread.