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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My DH doesn't share

342 replies

AliceInReality · 03/08/2017 19:19

I don't know if this is the right title. I don't even know what I'm asking for. I've name changed and I can't really say anything important or it will give me away but here goes.

We once had a kitten and DH hated the attention it needed and the attention I gave to it. He didn't make me take it away but I couldn't trust him to feed her if I wasn't there so I gave her to a friend.

I used to have friends round and my sister over but he couldn't stand that either. He never did anything completely outright - sometimes he wouldn't speak to them if they said hi, he'd let me know he was upset I was putting them ahead of us. After two years of marriage I realise I have no true friends and I've not seen my sister in years.

His son used to live with us but he I feel he did everything to push him away too.

I don't know why he's like this or why I haven't seen it before. Do any of you have experience of Simone like this and how did you cope?

OP posts:
RidingWindhorses · 09/08/2017 08:47

so my child doesn't have to struggle

Your child is absolutely guaranteed to struggle with an abusive arsehole of a father.

I'm sorry you had an unhappy childhood - but the emotional damage caused by an abusive parent dwarfs unhappiness caused by shortage of money. It's a whole new realm of misery undreamt by you. You are simply inflicting a similarly miserable childhood on your child but much, much worse.

When you see news stories in which a man has killed his partner's child - either his own or someone else's - and you wonder how that man could do it and what must he be like. Well, its men exactly like your DH.
And if he doesn't kill your child he'll kill you. Perhaps both.

Original poster
AliceInReality · 09/08/2017 09:02

It would detract too much if I told everyone what DH did. But it wasn't circumcision as mentioned by a previous poster - I think most Americans still get that done anyway. My DSS was abused and raped though (Not by DH) and is going through a hard time.

I don't think DH would ever kill anyone. If he could stop it though and we'd offended him he wouldn't.

Would I get into trouble for saying the child wasn't his? I mean he could force me to do a DNA test right? He did that with DSS.

OP posts:
user1497357411 · 09/08/2017 09:11

LTB. and for the love of God, see a therapist! Why are you with a man who does evil things? You deserve better.

KinkyAfro · 09/08/2017 09:13

You dont think DH would ever kill anyone?????

WatchingFromTheWings · 09/08/2017 09:20

At best, if they conform to his ideals I think he would be a good father to them

And if they don't?? We already know how he treated his 12yo son.....walked in on him being raped, covered it up, said he should 'get used to it'.

Neither of you should be having kids. You're as complicit in the abuse as him.

Hissy · 09/08/2017 09:23

Is this the boy who was groomed and targeted by an 18yo? He's 12?

He's acting up etc? That thread was removed.

WatchingFromTheWings · 09/08/2017 09:23

Iirc I think he might be older than 12 actually, 15 maybe??

Hissy · 09/08/2017 09:26

It IS the same poster

Ah ffs! What more do you want? How many threads will you start?if you devoted half as much time to being a normal human being as you do trying to forge a mumsnet career you'd almost manage to pass for normal

Please stop this. Either the nonsense you're spouting or this diabolical farce of a life.

thereallochnessmonster · 09/08/2017 09:35

Please no ltb. I don't want to leave. I want to understand him and help him to change.

You can't help him. You can't change him. Only he can do that -and he doesn't want to. It's pointless to even try.

He was jealous of a kitten, his own son, and has alienated you from all your friends? Run far, far away. Do the Freedom Programme.

CatsGoPurrrr · 09/08/2017 09:45

Oh god, its you.
You had the thread in AIBU pulled and have posted numerous times before.

Leave that poor boy alone.
Leave your abusive arsehole of a husband.
Get some therapy for yourself.

CrazyHairSister · 09/08/2017 10:02

Please get out of this abusive relationship

Orangetoffee · 09/08/2017 10:12

Your husband DID abuse your son, the bruises he left spurred the grandparents into action and send the aunt to get him. He knew about the rape but didn't get the police involved or got DSS medical attention.
He also called him names during his stay and believes in hitting his child and wife as punishment.

Original poster
AliceInReality · 09/08/2017 10:13

This is why I didn't want people to know what happened to DSS and hence why I tried to make a new thread to cover that issue. I'm sorry I'm so different from the rest of you.

No DSS is 12 the other boy I said was 18 but I don't actually know for sure. He was in his last year of Sixth form so 17/18. I'm sure DSS would know but it hardly something I'll ask him now.

OP posts:
Orangetoffee · 09/08/2017 10:13

His son not your son

Original poster
AliceInReality · 09/08/2017 10:16

orange I'm hoping DH will come to regret that as much as I do. I think seeing DSS might make him realise it. They just never really got on but even I can't accept he feels that way. And name calling was the least of what happened... I think that can be forgiven and forgotten.

I know I'm selfish I just want things to work out. I hate typing here against my husbands wishes. I hate that I can't be good now and that things won't be okay.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 09/08/2017 10:20

How much longer are you going to stay on this merry go round?

Orangetoffee · 09/08/2017 10:22

He should be nowhere near DSS!

As for your hopes, you know deep down that he will never change and this is who he is.

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 09/08/2017 10:26

I'm sorry but as he let his son get raped and minimised it he's a monster and should be locked up.

If you have a child with him you should not be allowed anywhere near that child.

I get an abused woman putting up with the abuse on them but putting up with her DSS being victim of rape and his father minimising it and also hitting him.

No, you've lost all my sympathy.

You can't say he can change for the better after that.

You'd be a rubbish mother until you seemed proper help for your issues.

XJerseyGirlX · 09/08/2017 10:27

Oh god, the best thing for your DSS would be to get away from his abusive dad and start a new/ fresh life. If you want to help dss then keep away from him. Your abusive DH wont change EVER.

DancesWithOtters · 09/08/2017 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AufderAutobahn · 09/08/2017 10:42

It feels like someone is going to end up dead before anything changes. What is it going to take to make you realise, he won't change? An abusive, evil scumbag who allowed that poor child of his to go through what he did. You honestly think he will regret his actions?!
No. Social services and the police need to be involved.

AufderAutobahn · 09/08/2017 10:43

Please seek help OP, you, your DSS and your child do not deserve any of this whatever people have made you believe. Xxxx

Vari757 · 09/08/2017 11:02

Holy shit! I actually don't even know what else to say. Your husband sounds like an evil, deeply disturbed individual. Please do not produce another child for him to abuse. If you do, you are just as responsible for what happens to the child as he is.

Gemxo · 09/08/2017 11:38

I'm sorry but I'm calling bullshit! I have always had a bad feeling about this poster & I'm finding it very hard to believe she is even pregnant like she claims.

Those who have read all her other threads will know what I'm talking about.

Original poster
AliceInReality · 09/08/2017 12:09

I didn't know at the time. There is no way I'd have let him suffer without getting medical help.

And to my husbands credit he doesn't try to hurt anyone - not intentionally. He did assault the rapist and I don't know that he shared his thoughts to DSS.

Well Gemco I wish I wasn't. I know in another thread I said I wanted my own child but that was before this incident.

OP posts: