My DH doesn't share

[AliceInReality]

I don't know if this is the right title. I don't even know what I'm asking for. I've name changed and I can't really say anything important or it will give me away but here goes.

We once had a kitten and DH hated the attention it needed and the attention I gave to it. He didn't make me take it away but I couldn't trust him to feed her if I wasn't there so I gave her to a friend.

I used to have friends round and my sister over but he couldn't stand that either. He never did anything completely outright - sometimes he wouldn't speak to them if they said hi, he'd let me know he was upset I was putting them ahead of us. After two years of marriage I realise I have no true friends and I've not seen my sister in years.

His son used to live with us but he I feel he did everything to push him away too.

I don't know why he's like this or why I haven't seen it before. Do any of you have experience of Simone like this and how did you cope?

OP, what about "a woman of worth, who can find? For her price is far above rubies"?

Yes Ephesians 5:22 is the basis for my submission and I know it doesn't sound normal but my husband would use the fact he was going through the effort of correcting me as fulfilling his own duty in Ephesians 5:25-28

You're damn right it doesn't sound normal, because it isn't normal. There's a place for religion in our times, but it's not the same religion as it was 2000 years ago in the desert. The basic tenets are the same but we've moved along a bit to understand them better. And they never involved having any sort of divine right to abuse your wife. (I think Paul might have disagreed, but he was a fanatic who never met Christ and didn't become a Christian until he fell off his horse and hit his head, and dang you can tell from his writings that the man was concussed at best.)

We don't stone mouthy teenagers any more. We don't sell rape victims to their attackers in marriage. We don't have slaves. We don't care if we wear two different weaves in our clothing. And we sure as shit don't attack women and children in the name of the divine. What kind of arsehole God would condone that?

Why don't you write to the Archbishop of Canterbury (or any respectable minister of Christianity, not whatever charlatan your husband's dug up out of a pile of shit), explain that your husband wants the right to use physical discipline against you, and what would the holy, merciful, loving and humble Christ have to say about that?

Where is your husband's submission? Ephesians 5 in my Bible is headed by the words mutual submission! Your dh is ignoring the other part of this verse! He is meant to love you and treat you as he would his own body! Does he physically beat himself? Is he punished for his misdemeanors? Or does he only hold power over you? I'm sorry but you cannot say that the way he treated his son was evil and then say he isn't evil!

Jesus is the example we are meant to hold ourselves to, he came into this world to fulfill the prophesies of old. He is the lamb of God, his sacrifice negated the need for sacrificial lambs for our sin! He stopped a woman from being stoned to death, choosing not to condemn her. Do you honestly think he would condemn you and beat you for slight misdemeanors that your husband creates? When he forgave adultery, which at the time was punishable by death? Your husband deems himself to be above Jesus, when he makes himself your personal judge! His treatment of you and your ss resembles nothing that I have read in the new testament!
If anything he is the opposite of Jesus! I will leave you to piece those words together!

If your faith, or even your husbands salvation means something to you, then you should leave your husband. To remain in this marriage is to encourage him to sin against you and your child! If you choose to remain then I can only hope that you will contact social services, to protect your child from this awful man. If you really can't leave him, give your child up for adoption, your baby deserves to be protected and loved! Already you have considered ending your babies life, to keep your husband happy. This is despite your faith and strong views on abortion! I honestly cannot begin to imagine what is going through your head, that you would even consider that! (this is not a judgement of anyone who has been through an abortion, I am just thinking of how awful life would need to be for me to even consider an abortion)

Would you be allowed to say go on a spiritual retreat by yourself? There are so many different places set up as a tranquil retreat where you can pray and focus on what is most important in your life. If he would allow you to do this, I urge you to consider it. Getting away from your husband and having a chance to think about yourself and your child would be so beneficial! If you would consider time away, you could even say you were going on a spiritual retreat, but go to stay with your sister for a couple of weeks. I honestly think you need to have time away from your husband, so that you can start to remember how to prioritise yourself, and especially your child! You can't continue to ignore the life growing inside you, you need antenatal care! What happens when your husband wants to punish your baby for being up all night crying? Or how will he react if your child is so scared of him that they cower in your arms and refuse to go to him. Will he seek to punish you or your child?
Please contact woman's aid! Protect yourself and your baby! You were made in Gods image! Do you think he meant for you to be treated so awfully?

I just feel so overwhelmed. I know you all mean well. I felt really optimistic over the weekend and now I barely know what to do or who to believe. BIL had lunch with me and I've learnt some things I just can't ignore. I just want to pretend nothing exists.

Oh it's you isn't it ? The one with the gay stepson ?

Well. I didn't realise it was you when I read the OP but as soon as I got to the bit about the cat it made me shudder and feel revolted. I knew just from that what a horrible man he must be.

And now I've worked out who you are...:please please please do not have a baby with him. I don't mean get an abortion but please please don't stay with him. He's an utter horror.

He is controlling and abusive. And will be to your baby too

What did you learn today that's worse than what you already know ?

I'm actually frightened to hear what your BIL has told you! Is BIL someone who can help you escape if you need to?

I have just under an hour till DH comes back and BIL comes over again.

He said he called SS on us after he saw DSS that day after the event. He told me what DH said then. I don't know if I believe him and I won't repeat it. He told me to look at what sites he visits. BIL said he wouldn't have said anything to me but he heard I might be pregnant - he's been keeping in touch with DSS.

But BIL is a strange one. I don't know if I trust him. Not sure I want to.

What did he say your dh said? And what sites?

I think you need to trust your BIL op. I think you shouldn't trust your husband. Please please open your eyes. I know you want it all to go away but you can't put it back in the box now.

Also, if you have this baby and stay with your husband, I think there is a very good chance that your BIL will call them on you.

Think about it.

What did he say that DH said OP? I know you don't want to talk about it but I think you should say it out loud. If it's just going around in your head you can pretend it doesn't exist. It doesn't have to be here. Could you talk about it with your sister? What about the GPs?

Do you really think BIL would lie in a situation this serious?

Theweaslytwins...in a post much earlier you said this sounded like your husband? I hope that's not true but if it is please reach out like OP has...

I am terrified reading this. OP needs support not criticism. Religious indoctrination is a scary thing to break away from but not impossible. You should hold onto the root of your faith, that clearly matters to you...but faith is very different from religion. It is wonderful that you want to believe that your DH has/will change, clearly you always want to see the good in people, but you have a possible baby to think about now and optimistic hope doesn't cut it. Leave...and if he is capable of change, and of being the man you need/want him to be, then he will prove it to you in another way at another time. But for now he cannot be that man. Please please leave...

Good point. If BIL called SS, depending on their assessment, you could be put in a situation where you have to split from DH in order to keep your baby.

If what your BIL is insinuating is that your husband has been visiting sites which are frequented by pedophiles then please, please leave! You must see how important this is, your husband's brother has contacted you out of concern for your future son or daughter! He kept this information from you, but now that a child has become involved he has done the right thing and contacted you! He is fearful for his future neice or nephew please listen to him! If you don't it sounds like he is prepared to go all the way to protect his neice or nephew! Thank goodness someone is! Your BIL has given you the wake up call that you need! If social services become involved, then you do face losing your child, IF you refuse to leave your husband! Get out now, let them see that you are prepared to protect your child!

Even if you don't tell us what the sites are - at least do some digging of your own and make sure you have all the facts before deciding what to do. Sticking your head in the sand will just create a larger problem down the line. You need to protect this child above everything.

Rescue Nothing like that... a lot of rape porn... not all of it straight. I'm shocked and I wish I never looked. I can see now why DH wasn't brimming with the milk of human kindness with DSS but he's never expressed such things to me.

And no, I can't say the most shocking things. BIL said DH told him DSS had been messing around with a boy (he didn't mention the rape)and joked he'd probably want a turn and BIL said he was not a paedophile and it was weird to say something like that about your own child! Then DH said he probably would if it was legal and that gays have no morals. He has NEVER shown signs of being into under age girls.

He said DSS was clearly in pain and how did we not notice that but he thought it was because of DH.

If it is true there is no point in confronting DH. He'll tell me something I want to hear. If it is false... BIL clearly wanted to ruin our lives. He isn't as successful as DH - it could just be jealousy. And DH is his parents favourite.

Oh god OP how are you not hearing how awful this is ? Your husband is a monster.

I think this is actually the worst thing over ever read on here and I've read some truely awful posts from abused women.

Op am I right in thinking your DH experienced some form of abuse as a child too ?

I'm saying this because I believe a small number of people who were abused do go on to be abusers themselves. From what you've written it sounds very much like your DH may be one of them - Your DH is likely a risk to you and your future child.

That is just as bad Alice! How he could speak like that about his own son, to watch that after his son has been raped. Your husband is evil, he is in a deep and very dark place and if you stay you and your child will be dragged down with him! He is the anti Christ! He uses the bible to hide his evil behind!

You sound like a good person with a strong faith who has been brainwashed and asbused so badly that black has become white and white has become black! You must leave, please as one Christian to another break free of this living hell and get support to find yourself again! Find a new church, move far away and don't tell your husband where or even that you are pregnant! Woman's aid can help you here, please don't confront him and give him the chance to act out his evil desires. Pack a bag, take your passport, any paperwork you need and flee! Please!

I echo what Rescue has said. This is terrifying. Your poor DSS. You seriously think it's acceptable for your husband to say such things about any child, never mind his own?!! GET THE HELL OUT!!!

I really hope this is all made up by a bored uni student who's OD'd on the Handmaid's Tale. But if not, are the GPs be aware of BIL's concerns?

DH has never been abused that I know of. I also have not found any evidence of CP.

I can't believe DH could get off on rape knowing everything he knows about me and DSS. So many things he's said sound even more disgusting now.

BIL has given me more proof. Not surprising he's not staying for dinner after all.

DH was going to make me leave but BIL stopped him. I can't believe I could be so judgemental about him, DSS's GP's and they proved to be kind to me. I can't believe he wouldn't want me so quickly. I've fought for him mentally. I felt I could be burned to ash and he wouldn't care. I don't know what I'm going to do.

This makes chilling reading. Please try and speak to a GP, counsellor for some advice and support.

I have to agree that your husband doesn't care about you, his son or anyone.

Did BIL tell your DH about the pregnacy?

Who have you told that would have told BIL?

Is that why your DH was going to tell you to leave? What changed his mind?

I thought an older person coerced your DH into sex ? I must be mistaken I apologise.

You said you have proof ...and BIL talked DH out of making you leave ..

Your husband doesn't care about you at all does he ?