This is loving and caring, right?

[nataliehere]

Hello . I am not sure why i make such a fuss out of something like that. DP of 3 years keeps saying to me that when we live together he wants me to be always near him (we live couple of hours apart now) , wherever he goes he wants me to be there and if he could take me to work(he cant) he would take me there too. This is a sweet and loving thing right? Somehow it gives me negative feelings but i think i am overreacting?

He's treating you like a child/object making demands on when you sleep! Its utterly mindboggling and absolutely abusive, controlling and possessive.

You know its not right you just need to end this strangling control he has over you.

A swift end it over text and block all his means of contact, don't let him try and control the 'break up' either.
Get a new phone and email even.

This man is scary! Wanting you in your own home to lie asleep in own bed because that's what he is doing and he'll ring to check??
This is bizarre mental control, conditioning you to do as told even when he isn't around.
Sounds like one step off him installing webcams to check up on your whereabouts at all times

Natalie do you have much stuff at his? Stuff that you actually need? Is there someonewhp could come with you to empty your stuff from there?
Otherwise just message him to tell him your no longer happy and you have decided you do not want to be in a relationship with him, then delete and block

I'd actually check for cameras in your house too. It sounds dramatic but judging from what you've said, it really wouldn't surprise me.

natalie well done for spotting the warning signs. (not stupid at all)
Please listen to everyone upthread. This will only get worse.
Get a new phone, check the house for cameras, change all your passwords and your locks (I bet he's got a key to your place, or has sneakily taken a copy)
Please get help IRL - TELL someone/everyone.
Good luck!

Thank you again all for the replies. It has been a depressing day the reality of my life hit me hard today. It isnt just the sleep situation its all of it. He made things easier for me though. Because i didnt sleep as soon as i came back from work "as he told me" i should not complaint that i am tired (i told him in the past that with his demands i end up staying up early hours so i can do housework , cooking etc and i am tired when i go to work and he brought it up today). He said that i have plenty of free hours (i work more hours than him) and i should spend my time with him (i sadly do but on hours that are convenient for him never for me)instead of making him wait "up to an hour" "every time" i come back from work. Its my fault and my excuses . If i was arranging my time efficiently and sleep when he tells me i wouldn't be tired. I dont care about him and i dont even call him anymore when he is at work( i couldn't today only).
I wasnt even angry i just felt deep sadness. For myself. I did everything and more for this person and he so easy dismisses everything.It isnt the first time or the worse time but it is the final straw. Other times i d brush it off or try to explain that he is wrong or get upset .. Today i just stayed silent while he was talking and then i just said ok i am gonna leave now have a good day at work. Turned off the sound on the landline and turned off the mobile. And i am just sitting here feeling nothing else than sadness and resentment. One step at a time i guess

I want to ask what is a tracking app? Some of your replies suggesting that he is using that on my phone but i dont know what is it for

I hope you are OK OP

Others will know more but if he has put a tracking app on your phone he will be able to log into it on his phone and see where you are. The GPS on your phone will show your position on a map.

Has he ever played around with your phone for any reason?

If you feel threatened at all by him, if he turns up at your door or work being aggressive, threatening voicemails etc., please call the police straight away.

Good luck and stay safe.

Well done for not listening to him and shutting off his voice! And it's natural to feel sad and let down: he hasn't loved you, just himself, whatever he claims (and probably believes, at some level).

What phone do you have natalie? If you are specific then you can find out where to look.

I have an android phone, both me, Dh and Ds1 (14) have the tracking app on our phone but we get reminded that we are sharing our location. It means not only can I be real time tracked of where I am but also I can call up google maps and see where I was last Tuesday and where I went, that means Dh can see that too.

But to put that into perspective. Neither of us feels the need to track the other person. We have been married 18 years, I feel loved, safe, worshipped and we have what I believe is a great relationship. We can talk without the other person flying off the handle. We laugh every day, I respect what he does (job, responsibility) he respects what I do (SAHM for 13 years and all the juggling of children and house.)

Your posts are terrifying to read, it isn't love it is control. Control of you, your emotions and feelings. He is training you to never question him and to sleep on demand. The sleep on demand bit is the weirdest thing I have ever read on MN and I have been on over a decade.

You deserve better, much better.

God this is awful. Good you have realized. Keep up the silence, and as others have said, if he comes to your house, call the police. He sounds dangerous. Please don't stay with him because you're scared to leave.

be prepared for the next step, once he understands you want out. He's an abuser and those people just cannot believe someone else could not want them. There will be probably declarations of love, flowers, calls. He will show up at your house and work. He promises to change. Might threaten to kill himself. If you don't give in, he might become aggressive. Those guys all follow a pattern.
Do you have any friends who could stay with you, or can you stay somewhere else?

And it really isn't you - don't think that if you had only done something more and better...
It does not work like that. It's never enough.

Do The Freedom Programme

It will really help you to get your head straight. You'll get a lot of support and strategies there.

I'm so glad you posted xx

I'm afraid you're going to gurgle down the plughole of his madness instead of putting an end to this preposterous man's control over you.

Giant red flags!

It's extremely controlling. What about what you want to do do / when you want to sleep / where you want to live? It's all about him!

Leave him ASAP, and stay safe and enjoy the rest of your life not being suffocated.

He's brainwashing and stalking you op.
It's not just red flags, it's klaxons too. I think he's dangerous and could become violent; for heaven's sake dump him, block him and take care of yourself.

Honestly? I'd be running for the hills!!

Pay attention to your gut feelings, if you feel uncomfortable now how will you feel when it's a reality?

Switching off your phone is a huge step, well done.

Please keep messages and log all contact, calls etc, I didn't and I wish I had.

Good luck x

Oh gosh just read your update (sorry daft phone only give me half a thread!!) you know you have to end it, I actually had knots in my stomach reading this as I was in a very very similar relationship. It wears you down and makes you doubt everything you do. Sounds like you do still have your own home and your own life so cut him out, don't let him do this to you.

OP go into your app store and see what is loaded as apps on your phone.
If you go into 'updates' then 'purchased' it will show you everything.
Even stuff you have deleted.

You were saying you feel stupid. No, you've been asleep and now you're waking up.
I don't know if this has been mentioned already - the frog analogy? The frog is happy in a big pot of cold water. Someone lights the gas and the water starts to heat up, but the frog doesn't notice until the water is boiling and it's too late for her to jump out.

Well done on switching your phone off OP, yes this is one step but as mentioned upthread this is a HUGE step. I hope you managed to get some rest.

How are you this morning? Perhaps if you can call Women's Aid and start putting a plan together, it will help you feel a little more in control of your life?

Please keep talking to us so we know you are safe.

I'm sitting here cheering. Bloody well done you, Natalie!

Re tracking, if you have an iPhone go into settings at turn off Location Services. Change your iTunes password NOW too. And check your car for a hidden phone/tile/iPad which he may be tracking.

Oh god Natalie, I know this seems so hard right now and you will be upset but honestly in less time than you think you are going to feel as though you've just got out of prison. You have your life back, it's fantastic !!!

First step Natalie, that's how any thing starts. Don't underestimate how big that step you took was

Jesus wept. And you're not even living together yet!

You need to end this yesterday