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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This is loving and caring, right?

231 replies

nataliehere · 30/07/2017 14:28

Hello . I am not sure why i make such a fuss out of something like that. DP of 3 years keeps saying to me that when we live together he wants me to be always near him (we live couple of hours apart now) , wherever he goes he wants me to be there and if he could take me to work(he cant) he would take me there too. This is a sweet and loving thing right? Somehow it gives me negative feelings but i think i am overreacting?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/07/2017 15:34

Madman. Get shut.

MrsC2000 · 30/07/2017 15:34

I'd seriously consider this to be a red flag, there is nothing loving and caring about a partner who wants to control.

ChristianGreysAnatomy · 30/07/2017 15:34

My dsis married a guy like this. Getting divorced now, with her self esteem shot to shit. Creepy and controlling and awful.

RebornSlippy · 30/07/2017 15:36

Yeah, so he's a creep. Time to go bye-bye.

user1488575338 · 30/07/2017 15:38

Run away as fast as you can.... do not look back. One of my friends has recently got involved with someone like this. Within weeks he had taken over her life, it's been terrifying to watch. So unbelievably sad because I don't recognise her anyone.

Avoid at all costs.

Anecdoche · 30/07/2017 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ModerateBecomingGoodLater · 30/07/2017 15:42

Search for my thread on here for how this looks 16 years down the line.

Then run like fuck.

EmeraldIsle100 · 30/07/2017 15:42

OP he is awful. When I was in a dreadful relationship I rang Women's Aid for advice and they listened to me and told me I was in an abusive relationship and told me that things don't usually get better, they get worse.

When you are in an abusive relationship denial sets in and it is very hard to see the reality of your situation. Would you consider ringing Women's Aid. They don't only deal with violent relationships and they will help you to recognise that you are in a very abusive relationsip.

I really urge you to seek advice because your partner sounds downright dangerous. I am not trying to scare you. Can you tell a friend or family? Look after yourself.

SpartacusSaiman · 30/07/2017 15:42

Creepy as fuck.

He is a controlling twat and i would run a mile or 10

TwitterQueen1 · 30/07/2017 15:45

Another one saying run for the hills. This is not healthy. It's controlling, abusive and just terrible.

Lweji · 30/07/2017 15:46

After all the good advice, my short answer: LTB while it's easy.

Expect some kicking and screaming.

ImperialBlether · 30/07/2017 15:47

Lord. He wants you to sleep when he sleeps? So you can't have literally one minute to yourself?

You need to get out of this relationship.

SweetErmengarde · 30/07/2017 15:47

Another one saying creepy. Emphatically do NOT let him railroad you into moving in.

DancingLedge · 30/07/2017 15:47

You don't live with him and he has (remote) control over what you do??
And you're planning to move in with him , so that he can have complete control??
Because this "shows he cares" ?

You know this isn't OK. Why else would you be voicing your doubts here?

Oddly, there's a little bit of being controlled , at the beginning, that can feel like the controller really cares about you, and is looking after you. It has to be like that, because if a relationship with a controller looked like the prison cell it's going to become, who would willingly walk in?

How are you doing, OP, now you've read these replies?

ImperialBlether · 30/07/2017 15:47

Oh yes, expect tears and recriminations and suicide threats, too. Ignore him.

SnowiestMountain · 30/07/2017 15:48

Nope weird, DO NOT MOVE IN WITH THIS MAN

HerOtherHalf · 30/07/2017 15:49

Run now because you will lose that option once he's persuaded you to walk into the cage he has ready for you. He's not loving, he's a controlling twat who will suffocate you, isolate you, destroy your free will and disguise his abuse as love and commitment.

myusernamewhichisthis · 30/07/2017 15:49

op - you know the answer else you wouldnt be asking the question! listen to your instincts on this. cool this right off.

FilledSoda · 30/07/2017 15:50

Run, he will get worse and it's pretty bad already.

AlternativeTentacle · 30/07/2017 15:50

He wants you to sleep when he sleeps?

Is his name Bagpuss?

You need to get shot of this creepy fucker as soon as you can.

Runninglikeamummy · 30/07/2017 15:53

Alternativetentacle "Is his name Bagpuss?"

pissing myself!Grin

OP you know he's a nobend. Bin bin bin.

DistanceCall · 30/07/2017 15:53

He thinks that if he doesn't keep his eye on you, you'll shag anything in trousers. That's why he insists on you letting him know exactly where you are and what you are doing at all times.

Run for the hills. This man is obsessively jealous, controlling and potentially dangerous. Break up and find someone who actually loves you and cares for you (obsessive jealousy is not love).

Spudlet · 30/07/2017 15:56

You live a couple of hours apart now... I'd keep it that way permanently. If you're getting bad vibes before you even move in, listen to them! Your gut knows!

GreenTulips · 30/07/2017 16:02

Run!

Imagine 10 years down the line and you're still sleeping when he is - him waiting til you get home etc What of you miss the bus?

It'll just be worse

Notreallyarsed · 30/07/2017 16:18

The need to have you at his beck and call even over the phone is creepy. My friend's now ex is like that, he constantly text her and called her and it was relentless. She had to justify every minute of her day and couldn't get peace to do housework, sort the kids (their kids), cook, spend time with friends, anything. She said her spidey senses tingled when she first met him, 11 years and 2 kids later it was a hell of a mess to get her and the kids free.