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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This is loving and caring, right?

231 replies

nataliehere · 30/07/2017 14:28

Hello . I am not sure why i make such a fuss out of something like that. DP of 3 years keeps saying to me that when we live together he wants me to be always near him (we live couple of hours apart now) , wherever he goes he wants me to be there and if he could take me to work(he cant) he would take me there too. This is a sweet and loving thing right? Somehow it gives me negative feelings but i think i am overreacting?

OP posts:
Original poster
nataliehere · 30/07/2017 21:13

In the past i thought of ending the relationship(more than once) due to his behavior . He can get very angry over anything that finds wrong and he can be intimidating, aggressive and very disrespectful towards me.Then he apologizes and makes me feel bad if i try to talk about what happened . The more i write the more stupid i feel.

OP posts:
Pallisers · 30/07/2017 21:16

creepy, needy, possibly controlling. And deeply unpleasant to live with for the rest of your life.

And that is without the anger, intimidation, and aggression you just described.

You don't need a suitably qualified reason to get out of a relationship. He doesn't get to decide what you want in a boyfriend - you do. End it for no other reason than you are 3 years in and feeling creeped out by him. Just do it. It will be a pain for a few weeks as you shake him off but you will feel utter relief after.

wotabastard · 30/07/2017 21:16

Do you have supportive friends and family to be with you Natalie? I think having someone with you and calling him to break things off because it's not working for you anymore would be a good idea. Good luck.

MommaGee · 30/07/2017 21:21

Don't feel stupid lovely but please get out

Haffiana · 30/07/2017 21:22

Your whole life with him will be like this. You spending every moment having to demonstrate that you are putting him first, that you care for him more than anything else (this will include your family and your own children btw), being scared to do anything normal in case it upsets him until you forget what normal even is, but even so it will never be enough. Your whole life, your whole being, lived guilty and afraid in the perfectly mad, critical and judging eye of your partner.

Do not do it.

DonkeyOaty · 30/07/2017 21:24

Don't feel stupid, Natalie. He's a twat and quite a clever one.

Agree that telling him it is over may well be a flashpoint so gather your friends and family close. Be prepared for some nastiness. Forewarned is forearmed and all that shizzle. But yeah, get rid. He's not a keeper.

Original poster
nataliehere · 30/07/2017 21:26

sorry posted too soon. For those who ask, i see him or i am on the phone with him every day as soon as i come back from work. Then when he goes to sleep i have to sleep too. Even if we arent together in the same house he wants me to go to sleep and he wants me to have the phone while i go to bed because "its very sweet to sleep together". The other day i wanted to mow the lawn because it was my one day off work and he got upset and persisted that i i should sleep with him and do it another time. Then he told me "for future reference" that he wants me always near him wherever he goes as i posted above. And its not the first time i heard this

OP posts:
Lweji · 30/07/2017 21:28

More and more red flags. You'll have a lucky escape. Do end it now. And don't discuss it with him.

DonkeyOaty · 30/07/2017 21:30

at your latest post.

wotabastard · 30/07/2017 21:31

You know this guy is absolutely off his rocker, right?! What you are describing is utterly ludicrous. Please dump this guy pronto. Shock

MadgeMak · 30/07/2017 21:32

End this relationship now. He is not a good man and his behaviour will only escalate.

Violetcharlotte · 30/07/2017 21:32

Erm... this doesn't sound right to me at all. I would run for the hills if I were you. This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me at all.

MommaGee · 30/07/2017 21:33

Run run as fast as you can and don't stop.

Anecdoche · 30/07/2017 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ragwort · 30/07/2017 21:35

Get out of this now - and never, ever let anyone treat you like this again.

He sounds completely mad, he is controlling and needy. Leave him immediately - and block him from your phone/social media etc.

ItsNachoCheese · 30/07/2017 21:36

Jesus christ please get away from this weirdo pronto before he destroys you

HeavenlyEyes · 30/07/2017 21:36

my goodness - this man is terrifying. Where is your self esteem that you believe you deserve so little? I could weep for you that you think this is acceptable.

upaladderagain · 30/07/2017 21:38

Have you seen the article in today's Sunday Times by a woman who's boyfriend chucked a tart if she wasn't on the end of the phone to take his calls when he told her to be?
He paid someone to throw acid in her face.
Dump him NOW before he starts to think that you are his to command.
You can do it.

CocoaLeaves · 30/07/2017 21:44

He will have you in front of Skype or FaceTime all the time when he is not there next. Hopefully he cannot track you through your phone.

When you do separate, please contact Women's Aid or call 101 to let someone know the situation. Controlling people don't like letting go.

LuxuryWoman2017 · 30/07/2017 21:48

He's told you what he's like loud and clear, a creepy control freak. Why not listen to him and run like fuck?

AdalindSchade · 30/07/2017 21:48

Fuccckkkkkkk

Leave him please

KatharinaRosalie · 30/07/2017 21:55

run. this is not loving and caring, this is one of the creepiest things I've read here.

KarmaNoMore · 30/07/2017 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seven201 · 30/07/2017 22:09

Does he comment on the clothes you wear? Everything I've read is ringing massive alarm bells! He want utter control over you - that's no way to live.

AlternativeTentacle · 30/07/2017 22:11

What would happen if you didn't call him OP? Or didn't sleep at the same time? How does he even know when you go to sleep?

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