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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not my Hen weekend- but so pissed off

315 replies

FastAbsorbingCake · 30/07/2017 11:17

Long…

As above was away on a hen weekend for someone I thought was a very good friend.

We've been friends for over 20 years and I've been her someone to call at 3am person and I thought she was mine.

The weekend was self catering which I was told by the Maid of Honour (a whole other story) that I was sorting out the food for 20 ish people.

Which I did happily, I spent the whole weekend running after sorting cooking cleaning up etc. And did it all on a very tight budget.

Just before we left the location I said ok I'm having a swim, and then packing and would someone mind clearing up after the breakfast?
Bearing in mind there was 20 of them…

Now I had cooked and sorted for 20 people for 6 meals with no help. I did ask for help and some of them wafted in and out doing nothing of substance.

So wedding has been & done and 'friend' asked to meet up. So we go for a meal and I'm told how horrible I was by leaving them to clean up on the last morning.

How awful I was by not joining in games etc. I did point I was either clearing up or cooking.
I did try to join In but MOH was very obvious in excluding me.

But no and apparently the MOH was very upset & stressed by my behaviour…

So we're in the main course of the meal, she was talking at me for an hour and I say you know what, I worked my arse off for weeks before the weekend, I was first up last to bed on the weekend.

You behaved appallingly to me on said weekend, as did your 'friends'. I assumed when you invited me for this meal it was to apologise, clearly not, so fuck off. And left. We've not spoken since. (I.e. A few months)
Well I did get an enraged text about leaving her with the bill- I'd had pasta & and sparkling water and left a £20…
Ok vent over.

The thing is I've woken up this am (am away with OH so was a late nightGrin ) to see she's called 3 times over night.

My instinct is to call, OH has said don't you dare. I hate to admit it but he's right isn't he…

But what's if she's in real trouble?

OP posts:
Seenoevil · 30/07/2017 12:37

I would send a text saying something such as 'you called?' & see what she says

MadMags · 30/07/2017 12:37

What a horrible cow! I cannot believe they treated you that way.

If she needs someone she can call her MOH Wendy.

And if it was an emergency she'd have left a voicemail.

My guess is her and Wendy have been on the vino and were drunk dialling to give you shit!

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/07/2017 12:37

If you must text, "Who is this and why are you calling me at 3am?"

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/07/2017 12:38

But, I wouldnt get in contact at all.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/07/2017 12:41

My first thought was drunk dialling too.

Whether it was to deliver another fuck load of abuse or a tearful maudlin "I reeeeeeaaalllly miss youuuuuuu" remains to be seen.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 30/07/2017 12:47

Yes, complete radio silence; your dh is right. Star
She will figure out she will need to use someone else.

RaeSkywalker · 30/07/2017 12:50

I agree- drunk dialling. If by some miracle she's calling to apologise, she can call at a sensible hour.

Hissy · 30/07/2017 12:53

Do not respond at all! How dare she?!

Your response to her was perfect! She doesn't deserve you in her life. Switch the phone off and go play with oh. Grin

curlylocks88 · 30/07/2017 12:56

I wouldn't text back. Block her number, then delete it. Nobody needs 'friends' like that.

Groovee · 30/07/2017 12:59

ShockI'm stunned at the CF that her at MOH is. I'd be nosy but leave it for a few days before responding.

CalmItKermitt · 30/07/2017 12:59

What a bitch!

biffyboom · 30/07/2017 13:01

She won't be calling to apologise.
Please don't call her back, just ignore her.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/07/2017 13:02

I think you were very passive, OP. Your role (as you were of the same status as the other attendees) was to participate in the hen weekend, not act as mother hen/skivvy. You put yourself in this role (or allowed yourself to take it up) and that set you apart from the other 'hens'.

Your friend was very rude but she's making the point above.

If you'd said, "Ha ha, very funny, how are we going to do this because all of us want to enjoy this weekend... come on -", then this really wouldn't have happened. Instead, you allowed (and revelled, by the sounds of it) being the 'provider' of meals and acting like a complete martyr/doormat... and you were treated accordingly. Like all other martyrs/doormats, people don't expect or want to see ruffled feathers and hear instructions from you to 'do something' after you've been doing it all.

Not much sympathy from me I'm afraid. You've lost these friends and it seems that that's no great shakes. Don't do it again with any others that you have.

NormaDesmondsEyebrows · 30/07/2017 13:04

When you say you sorted the food on a tight budget, please tell me you don't mean YOU paid?

I can't understand the other 18 grown women being happy to step back and let you do everything UNLESS they were under the assumption you were the caterer/housekeeper.

Bride and MoH sound like users.

RebootYourEngine · 30/07/2017 13:09

I also think it was a drunk call to call you names and tell you what a horrible person you are.

Btw i dont think that you are a horrible person. I would have put laxatives in their food. The cheeky bitches.

Tartyflette · 30/07/2017 13:10

You did a huuuge amount sorting the food for 20 people, cooking it and cleaning up on her hen weekend, to the detriment of your own enjoyment. And were then castigated for not 'joining in' .
I would have sent her a very calm and factual email spelling this out (again) after the bust-up.
I'd probably text her and ask about the calls last night but be prepared for no response if it was indeed drunk dialling.
Incidentally, what IS happening about the wedding now? Are you still going?

LavenderDoll · 30/07/2017 13:12

I'd ring - I'm to nosy

Rachie1986 · 30/07/2017 13:12

Tarty all this was after the wedding.

OP call, I want to know what she wanted!!

Tartyflette · 30/07/2017 13:13

So sorry OP , I missed the bit in your post where you said the wedding has been done, presume you didn't go? (just nosy!)

Taylor22 · 30/07/2017 13:21

You're husband is right...you really shouldn't call.

But....

Lweji · 30/07/2017 13:22

I think I'd ring her. There may be an apology (unlikely).
If no apology, just to tell her she should ask her best friends for help to fuck off.

FuckYouLinda · 30/07/2017 13:24

I take it you gave her a lovely wedding gift? That'll be why she waited until after the wedding to tell you how 'awful' you were. Hmm

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

RidingWindhorses · 30/07/2017 13:28

On the offchance that she was drunk and remorseful I'd text her to see what she wanted. But with boundaries clearly in place.

Happyeverafter73 · 30/07/2017 13:33

If she didn't leave a message then you have zero obligation to ring back.

Neutrogena · 30/07/2017 13:34

Forgive her. Life's too short to hold resentments. Forgiveness is an advanced, emotionally intelligent reaction. Many posters on here don't age the capacity to forgive. You sound like you do. Go for it.