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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not my Hen weekend- but so pissed off

315 replies

FastAbsorbingCake · 30/07/2017 11:17

Long…

As above was away on a hen weekend for someone I thought was a very good friend.

We've been friends for over 20 years and I've been her someone to call at 3am person and I thought she was mine.

The weekend was self catering which I was told by the Maid of Honour (a whole other story) that I was sorting out the food for 20 ish people.

Which I did happily, I spent the whole weekend running after sorting cooking cleaning up etc. And did it all on a very tight budget.

Just before we left the location I said ok I'm having a swim, and then packing and would someone mind clearing up after the breakfast?
Bearing in mind there was 20 of them…

Now I had cooked and sorted for 20 people for 6 meals with no help. I did ask for help and some of them wafted in and out doing nothing of substance.

So wedding has been & done and 'friend' asked to meet up. So we go for a meal and I'm told how horrible I was by leaving them to clean up on the last morning.

How awful I was by not joining in games etc. I did point I was either clearing up or cooking.
I did try to join In but MOH was very obvious in excluding me.

But no and apparently the MOH was very upset & stressed by my behaviour…

So we're in the main course of the meal, she was talking at me for an hour and I say you know what, I worked my arse off for weeks before the weekend, I was first up last to bed on the weekend.

You behaved appallingly to me on said weekend, as did your 'friends'. I assumed when you invited me for this meal it was to apologise, clearly not, so fuck off. And left. We've not spoken since. (I.e. A few months)
Well I did get an enraged text about leaving her with the bill- I'd had pasta & and sparkling water and left a £20…
Ok vent over.

The thing is I've woken up this am (am away with OH so was a late nightGrin ) to see she's called 3 times over night.

My instinct is to call, OH has said don't you dare. I hate to admit it but he's right isn't he…

But what's if she's in real trouble?

OP posts:
tumpymummy · 30/07/2017 11:39

I'd say whether to contact her now or not depends on whether you want to be friends again or not. Since the 'non apology' meal have you missed her friendship or not? Are you still angry/upset with her? Or would you like to patch things up? I would only contact her if you are prepared to repair your friendship.

acornsandnuts · 30/07/2017 11:40

I would text an abrupt 'WHAT?'

CJCreggsGoldfish · 30/07/2017 11:40

Don't call. She may have been drunk calling you. If she really wants to talk she can either call at an appropriate time or text.

They treated you appallingly though. I can't imagine letting one person do all that work. Well done on standing up for yourself.

JustHereForThePooStories · 30/07/2017 11:41

I'd bet she was drunk last night and called to give you more abuse.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Ginkypig · 30/07/2017 11:41

It's too late to analyse the why's as it's past now but my advice is even if you do call (just to cure the nosiness) then put yourself and your needs first.

Do not ever let her or her friends treat you like that ever again. Or for that matter anyone!

If you do decide to contact her, firstly good luck but secondly and very selfishly please update us Blush

viques · 30/07/2017 11:43

I think if she called three times and didn't leave a voicemail then the chances are she was dead drunk and was actually trying to call someone else but kept hitting you instead. I like the "missed calls from this number" response.

Noregretsatall · 30/07/2017 11:44

Hang on. You single handedly sorted ALL the food for a hen weekend away for 20 people?! And they're grumbling because they had to clear up breakfast things on the last morning?! How selfish. I think you're well rid. Sounds like she's been using you.

donajimena · 30/07/2017 11:44

I also think she may have been calling to have another go.
I'd text 'are you ok I had three missed calls' if she has another go point out that you have said your feelings on this matter. Then block. She may want apologise. What you do with it if she does is up to you.

Starlight2345 · 30/07/2017 11:45

yes I thought the drunk Saturday night call.. I would ignore but do a bit of FB stalking when home as I am nosey.

Enjoy your Weekend with DH.

Neverknowing · 30/07/2017 11:46

I'd be a petty ass bitch and call her back. If she needs you I'd then say something along the lines of 'well I needed you to stand up for me on that hen weekend where I worked my ass off for you' and then end with a very precise 'you're an ungrateful bitch. Good luck with life bye.'

Beeziekn33ze · 30/07/2017 11:46

Viques - just what I was thinking, that she was drunk. Even if she was really phoning OP to apologise it was thoughtless.

CocoLoco87 · 30/07/2017 11:46

Call her back so we can all know what's going on! Grin not helpful, sorry

Ghjklf · 30/07/2017 11:46

Blimey, sorting out food for 20 people all by yourself is crazy.

Sensible answer re missed calls is to ignore. ( I'd have already blocked her.)

Nosy answer would be to text asking why she called. Risks boring answer such as it was a mistake

Fun answer would be to text 'who dis' (as suggested by another poster in another thread)

Rufus27 · 30/07/2017 11:48

I reckon she'd had a few to drink, was feeling a bit guilty about how things ended/wanting to offer an olive branch, but when you didnt answer, chickened out of leaving a message.

FacelikeaBagofHammers · 30/07/2017 11:49

Fair play to you OP.

What will you do about the wedding? When is it?

Isadora2007 · 30/07/2017 11:49

I would advise ignoring.

If she wanted to make things up with you she would come to you in person. So she was either pissed and looking for a fight or pissed and going to bullshit you about how sorry she is (when she isn't)

Move on.

Thissameearth · 30/07/2017 11:49

It's hard to read this scenario as it's a bit alien to me but given that the calls were late (presumably, if you woke up to them) on a Saturday then given the background I'd assume she's had a few and was calling to give you abuse - very unlikely she's calling for help. She raised an issue after the hen and wedding had settled not in heat of moment, you explained the situation to her and she still didn't get it and was further annoyed with you for leaving £20 for pasta and water - doubt she's had a change of heart now, late at night. And if she has, let her do it sober and properly. I'd forget about the calls.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 30/07/2017 11:49

Pop her a quick text to say "Saw you tried phoning me 3 times last night. Was it to apologise? If not, please dfod"

DecisionTree · 30/07/2017 11:50

I secind the texting her back with "ive had a few missed calls from this number" approach

sparkleandsunshine · 30/07/2017 11:51

I like whatchamacallit suggestion

fuckwitery · 30/07/2017 11:51

i'm far too nosy not to call...

RhubardGin · 30/07/2017 11:51

I can't believe you had to sort the food and cook for 20 people all weekend! I would have told them to fuck off there and then 😂

I went on a similar hen do and we all pitched in, what a horrible sounding bunch of brats!

I'm glad you told your "friend" exactly how you felt. I assume you're not going to the wedding now?

As PPs have said, she has 20 other friends she can call if there's something wrong!

SapphireStrange · 30/07/2017 11:52

I don't really understand why you catered for 20 people for every meal on the hen do and did all the washing up. Why didn't you say something along the lines of I did last nights meal it's someone's else's turn

I don't get this either. Although maybe that's what you mean/address when you say I was told by the Maid of Honour (a whole other story) that I was sorting out the food for 20 ish people. But why didn't you say no at the time, or 'Let's do it on a team/rota basis'?

Anyway, I might send a short text saying 'Missed your calls last night as they were so late. What's up?' Or I might ignore. Would depend on what mood I was in. She's been a cunt, basically.

Figgygal · 30/07/2017 11:54

Wow what a cheeky fucker she is they all treated you like a bloody slave for the weekend.

What a shame after so many years do you miss her friendship at all?

EnidNextDoor · 30/07/2017 11:58

For my sake and everyone else here, please call her back.

For your sake DON'T YOU DARE CALL OR TEXT HER!

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