Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It's not my necklace

999 replies

Foolmeoncefoolmetwice · 27/07/2017 15:36

Hi I'm new here and I don't usually do forums but I just don't know where else to ask about this now. I've been sitting on it so long and I think I might be going a bit mad

I hope this isn't too long. Backstory is husband and I have been together 9 years, we have a 5 year old son and 2 year old daughter, he's a good husband and consistent if a bit distant father due to his long hours. No real problems with us aside from the occasional grind of general family life, although we did work through an incident of him kissing another woman when DS was a baby and he sent some flirty texts to a colleague too but it was years ago.

About a month ago my husband went on a business trip, gave me the address of the place he was staying and I didn't bat an eye, he goes on them several times a year, usually a couple of nights at a time. Day after he came back he went to work as usual and rang me from the office in a panic asking if he'd left his debit card at home. It wasn't here and he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen it.

I had the idea of calling the hotel to ask if they'd found it cleaning, the lady on reception was very nice and said 'oh mrs X you must be calling about your necklace, we found it In the bathroom how lucky for you it would have been such a shame to lose such lovely pearls!' I didn't know what to say really and my mind went sort of numb, so I just said thank you and could they possibly post it to me since I was several counties away and she said fine.

So it was posted to my house. I have it in the bedroom, it's a beautiful string of real pearls, it looks like something a queen would wear. I haven't said a word about it to him. Whenever I think about it I get all dizzy and feel I might be sick but I don't know why, it's been a long time since I've had any suspicions about him. I don't know if I want to know but it's making me crazy. I also don't know if I could break up our family, the thought makes me want to vomit.

I don't even know what I'm asking really. I know my head is in the sand but I honestly don't know what to do.

OP posts:
JustMumNowNotMe · 27/07/2017 20:05

Christ, I'd have been through his office and his clothes as soon as I found out about the necklace!! I hope it turns out to be innocent OP

incogKNEEto · 27/07/2017 20:06

If he does have a second phone it will probably be either in the car or in his gym bag.

Icewindfire98 · 27/07/2017 20:08

Locked drawers?! Why locked? You only lock things when they need to be hidden or protected away - and from who? You?

He's not going to have messages obviously on his phone.

Do you need more proof to get you to act? Because personally I'd say you have proof already

If you want more proof next time he works late or work abroad try and come up with a plan

Icewindfire98 · 27/07/2017 20:09

Or second phone could be kept at work

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 27/07/2017 20:15

We keep our financial papers in locked drawers, nothing weird about that. We both know where the key is kept though. I hope you have the key OP.

Icewindfire98 · 27/07/2017 20:17

Yeah it's weird she doesn't have access but he does not that they are locked per se

duxb · 27/07/2017 20:52

Oh OP it doesn't look good.
Please be vigilant.

Original poster
Foolmeoncefoolmetwice · 27/07/2017 20:53

I can't find the key to the finances drawer anywhere. It's kept locked in case of burglary, I don't see anything too weird about that?

OP posts:
Original poster
Foolmeoncefoolmetwice · 27/07/2017 20:54

Everything else is spick and span, he doesn't even have lint in his jacket pockets let alone anything incriminating. Maybe I am going bonkers.

OP posts:
Original poster
Foolmeoncefoolmetwice · 27/07/2017 21:05

I know JustMum, I've completely buried my head over it :(

OP posts:
Msqueen33 · 27/07/2017 21:15

I'd have a good root about in his car, gym back etc. Maybe see if you can check any bank statements. To be fair my dad is very security conscious and keep everything locked up as does his mother and his dad. They're very untrusting people.

WatchingFromTheWings · 27/07/2017 21:15

I can't find the key to the finances drawer anywhere. It's kept locked in case of burglary, I don't see anything too weird about that?

Burglars would just screwdriver it open. They'd want to know what was in there that was valuable enough to keep locked.

TBH I think he's more concerned about keeping you out.

lovemycatsanddog · 27/07/2017 21:17

When the hotel said Mrs X was it your name,or a false name? if yours and husband it was definitely his room

jeaux90 · 27/07/2017 21:18

I'd force it open. I mean seriously what will he do? Tell you off?? Confused

WombOfOnesOwn · 27/07/2017 21:29

I'd bet money there's a prostitute involved, not a mistress.

loaferloveforyou · 27/07/2017 21:30

Could it have been a present for you?

SandyY2K · 27/07/2017 21:33

I was thinking he had a burner phone too.

It might be that the possible OW hasn't realised she's lost her pearls.

What you need to do is look for a second phone

Look in:

  • the garage /tool box
  • The car boot
Glove compartment
  • Under the spare tyre (under the carpet in the boot)
  • In his gym bag (inside socks)
In the porch of your house (if you have one)
Icewindfire98 · 27/07/2017 21:33

There's a reason you can't find that key - ask him for it and watch him squirm

Whisky2014 · 27/07/2017 21:33

Talk to your husband?!

GlitteryFluff · 27/07/2017 21:35

You do need to talk to him and get this out in the open and hopefully find out the truth.
I'd show him the pearls and then tell him you know everything and he needs to tell you the truth otherwise there's no going back and hopefully he will be honest.

Grooves · 27/07/2017 21:38

You married this person, you've built with this person. You can have the convo.

TatianaLarina · 27/07/2017 21:53

While he may well be up to no good, I was once sent a diamond ring by a hotel after my husband left his jacket in a hotel room. Difference being that I was with him. Hotels do make mistakes.

Changedname3456 · 27/07/2017 21:53

Purely on the necklace, I'm pretty sure the courts / police would see it as theft were you to keep or sell it - it's not yours to sell and "finders keepers" is not something established in law.

You need to hand it in at your nearest police station (once you confront him with it, should you decide to do that). Don't keep it - you'll be asking for problems you don't need if it is OW's and she decides to press charges.

C0untDucku1a · 27/07/2017 21:53

The men ive known who have had affairs had second phones, didn't stay logged into tinder / fab accounts always had to be searched for and logged in to, went to the gym regularly according to wives - yet disnt hVe gym bodies because in reality the gym trips were far less frequent, no dodgy hotel bills as they took mistresses on work trips so all dome through work, kept irregular hours generally due to nature of their (high paid / high pressured) jobs so late nights were not seen as unusual. These wives would not have had a clie becuase rhere were no signs. Everything was as it always was. Does he have a pc? Have you nosied through files on it?

Original poster
Foolmeoncefoolmetwice · 27/07/2017 21:57

I feel I can't talk to him about it, he's cheated before and during the texting thing he made me feel like I was going mental until I got definitive proof he'd been Doing it. I've decided not to rock the boat since then because I believed him when he said he was so sorry and it would never happen again and we have two young children together.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread