It's not my necklace

[Foolmeoncefoolmetwice]

Hi I'm new here and I don't usually do forums but I just don't know where else to ask about this now. I've been sitting on it so long and I think I might be going a bit mad

I hope this isn't too long. Backstory is husband and I have been together 9 years, we have a 5 year old son and 2 year old daughter, he's a good husband and consistent if a bit distant father due to his long hours. No real problems with us aside from the occasional grind of general family life, although we did work through an incident of him kissing another woman when DS was a baby and he sent some flirty texts to a colleague too but it was years ago.

About a month ago my husband went on a business trip, gave me the address of the place he was staying and I didn't bat an eye, he goes on them several times a year, usually a couple of nights at a time. Day after he came back he went to work as usual and rang me from the office in a panic asking if he'd left his debit card at home. It wasn't here and he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen it.

I had the idea of calling the hotel to ask if they'd found it cleaning, the lady on reception was very nice and said 'oh mrs X you must be calling about your necklace, we found it In the bathroom how lucky for you it would have been such a shame to lose such lovely pearls!' I didn't know what to say really and my mind went sort of numb, so I just said thank you and could they possibly post it to me since I was several counties away and she said fine.

So it was posted to my house. I have it in the bedroom, it's a beautiful string of real pearls, it looks like something a queen would wear. I haven't said a word about it to him. Whenever I think about it I get all dizzy and feel I might be sick but I don't know why, it's been a long time since I've had any suspicions about him. I don't know if I want to know but it's making me crazy. I also don't know if I could break up our family, the thought makes me want to vomit.

I don't even know what I'm asking really. I know my head is in the sand but I honestly don't know what to do.

Angelf1sh has given you good advice here, OP.

Although it must be enormously tempting to wear the pearls or mention that the hotel have sent them, I think you should keep them hidden in your arsenal.

Btw, when you say the pearls are like a queen would wear, do you mean three strings with a gem set clasp? If they are real (a jeweller will quickly tell you) there's not a chance they could have belonged to his mother/grandmother and he has been trying to sell them?

Ask yourself this... What would you want for your daughter if she were in this same position as an adult. Would you want her to stay with a man who has already cheated on her at least twice? With God knows who? Bringing home fuck knows what kind of diseases he could pass to her? Is this the example you want to set for your kids? That it's ok for their father to cheat on their mother, and you just stay and take it? Trust me, if you stay, your husband will continue to cheat and your kids WILL find out. If you can't leave for you, leave for them.

I wouldn't confront him re the necklace. I would get my financial ducks in a row. I'd pick that drawer lock for a start and photocopy the lot and put it all as was (if needs be i'd get a professional lock-smith) then I'd be in a better position to seek legal advice.

Right now, he has you in a dependant position - basically, he's calling the shots. He knows this. He also knows that his past infidelities have been forgiven...

If the OW contacts the hotel they'll tell her where the pearls are, and of course she'll tell him! If its a month ago he would surely know by now that you were sent them!

So I asked for his phone to call someone because mine was 'drying out after I'd dropped in the sink' and he was completely fine with it, even left the room so I could make my call in peace, nothing incriminating in messages or what's app or anything like that. Now I just feel like I'm imagining things.

Pearls? Is she ninety? And if they're really swanky ones why hasn't she called the hotel? Your husband would surely know if she had and they'd told her they'd been sent to his wife.

Tin - I mean they're just very beautiful, they're not big antique 'old lady' pearls if you know what i mean, just elegant.

Is there any way of finding out for sure from the hotel if the pearls relate to you DH? I mean .... surely his dalliance ( if he had one) would have been clamouring for them as they're so gorgeous ???

Not really. You might sling on a string for a christening but they're hardly the jewellery of choice for passion!

Put the pearls on and give him his phone back OP.

He might even have a second phone specifically for the other woman, being able to use his phone isn't necessarily proof of innocence.
Hoping it's nothing though OP it sucks if it is!

Could the receptionist have mixed up the room numbers? Or the housekeeper who found the necklace got the room wrong?

I doubt that very much in view of what the hotel receptionist said to the OP.

What size hotel is it? If it's small I'd probably think they're more reliable than a bigger chain hotel. I'd be in the locked drawer like a shot and do some digging. If he's readily handed over his phone he's either got another or he isn't up to anything.

Ok. He's gone to the gym as he got out from work early, I'm going to have a bit of a snoop now the children are distracted by the TV. Feel a bit bolder about it now I've posted here, I should have done this earlier.

Start getting your financial situation in order. I wouldnt tell him about the necklace until i had everything in order. Ensure you say calm and dont show him your hand until you are ready to tell him you know his grubby little secret and that he needs to fuck off. Then pawn the pearls for the best you can get and treat yourself a nice little weekend away, or put the money towards a really good divorce lawyer. Either way op its clear he has been cheating and using these work trips to get upto no good, i very much doubt this is the first time, taking into account his past misdeanours,and if you accept this behaviour it will definately not be the last time. Oh and as horrible as it is get down the clinic for an STI check asap.
Im sorry op you deserve so much better,but try and hold it together until your ducks are in a row. If you feel like crumbling just imagine the look on his face as you break the news that you know his grubby little hobby and you are off to find someone who appreciates and respects you.

has he got a hotel receipt-- they usually have number of guests on it

Op
When my friends husband had an affair he had two phones. The second was hid in his car under the seat. He everyday phone had nothing incriminating on it.
Also, all the posters saying because they are pearls they can't be from OW as they are old fashioned. Everyone has different tastes. I have pearls I sling on with jeans and a linen shirt and converse. I'm definitely not 90.

Good luck!!

I'm sorry OP, it doesn't look good. The only way they could have thought the pearls belonged to 'Mrs X' is if a woman was booked into that room. Good luck in your searching.

Difficult situation but it is odd, see how you get on..

Sell the pearls as the will be worth a good bit of money and give the money to charity.