Horrible Horrible Man

[chestylarue52]

I’m on a website for finding adult friends for casual sex

I’m single.

Messaged by a man, sends me a photo of himself, very smart as in going to a wedding or the races, arm round a woman is clearly cropped out in the picture but you can see the edge of her dress, hat, arm etc

Him: this is me

Me: is that your ex or current gf/wife in the photo?

Him: oh lol thought I’d cropped her out that’s my wife
Him: is that a problem

Me: do you have a open relationship or are you cheating on her

Him: no I don’t fancy her any more and I miss the intimacy

Me: ok that’s really not for me. Please don’t message me again

Him: that’s a shame you’re really hot
Him: let me know I fyou change your mind hon

Me: I won’t. Don’t message me again.

I just feel so enraged by this exchange. Like just FUCK OFF. He sent me other photos I feel like trying to hunt him down and tell her. ‘Thought I’d cropped her out’. Makes me feel sick.

Bloody hell the language on here!

"easy"
"offering sex"
"used for sex"

I like "extending sex".

You struggling to bag a decent man too?

Maybe this attitude is the root of your problems pastime.

Men have policed women's sexuality for years, and the handmaidens rush to reinforce it.

THIS!

Smash the patriarchy!

His behaviour might be fine to you. To me it makes me cross.

I didn't say that sort of behaviour was fine. Of course it's not "fine" for a man to cheat on his wife.

I was saying that if you do any kind of normal online dating (not casual sex hook up sites) this kind of thing is common (including a failed crop of a woman - often an ex, sometimes a current partner). There are a lot of married people (both sexes) looking for sex on dating sites.

The only way to deal with the wankers on dating sites is to ignore. If you are talking about casual sex hook up sites, you are going to get a ton more of it. The whole basis of the site is no strings attached sex - and logically, the top consumer demographic of expressly stated to be "no strings attached" sex will be married men.

If you get "blood boiling" angry about a stranger behaving like this - when it's everywhere - you must spend a lot of your life in a state of high powered anger.

It makes no sense - ultimately, we all know there are cheats out there and a lot of cunts - if you are dealing with a casual sex website, you need to put on your flak jacket and batton down your angry/emotional hatches.

That's all.

I was saying that if you do any kind of normal online dating (not casual sex hook up sites) this kind of thing is common

OP knows this. She said that she expected to get propositioned by a lot of married men but she has rules she enforces to be as sure as she can possibly be that her partners are single.

The issue is only partly that he was married (though goodness knows that's enough). If that was all, OP would simply have told him no. It's the fact that he added to this with lazy entitlement, doing a hash job of cropping his wife out of the photo and then thinking it was hilarious and continuing to proposition OP when she told him how utterly tasteless that was.

Though I think the sex police on this thread are even worse.

Baffled as to why OP is getting such a hard time on here? She has done nothing wrong and people should stop judging.

'a lot of the men that want to use you'

Are people doing this on purpose? The OP wants casual sex and has happily had casual sex before. Get over it.

She isn't 'offering free sex' or 'being used' however much you try to insist on it with your brainless remarks.

Because it's 2017 yet some people still think women should be repressed and joyless.

This is one of the most jaw-droppingly misogynistic threads I've ever read on here.

WTF is wrong with you people?

Op_ I have no experience of these websites but can you state you don't want any married men?

As a person who's life & family has been destroyed by this vile online set up all for nothing (an hours shag) - yes call me vile. Cattle market desperados.

And there it is. Oh dear.

OP. It's fantastic to read that there are women out there living authentically. I hope you meet some suitable men soon. As many as you want.

TheStoic hear hear.

Generally I find mumsnet refreshingly supportive of women, no bullshit and sometimes harsh, but generally the crowd wisdom is always supportive and progressive.

Not this thread. I find the idea that people think any woman who is not scheming to entrap a man to be either a husband or a boyfriend by withholding sex must have low self-esteem profoundly depressing.

Not this thread. I find the idea that people think any woman who is not scheming to entrap a man to be either a husband or a boyfriend by withholding sex must have low self-esteem profoundly depressing.

So do I

A belated thank you for the diagram near the start of the thread Chesty which went a long way to explaining the full horror of the situation

You don't have to go on line to cheat.
Just read the relationship threads on here where men and women have affairs with work colleagues day in day out.
I personally know several people who had had affairs with work colleagues and I've only found out when the shit had but the fan, there will be lots that go on undetected.
I second the opinion that the op does not have low self esteem. Low self esteem usually manifests itself in a person staying in a shit relationship because they don't have the strength to leave.

emilybrontescorset

You can yes and I do but you get requests from them anyway, as far as I know from friends who use dating websites (pof etc) it's the same. It's the easiest way to weed people out 'I know you said don't ask for photos but can I have a photo' or 'I know you said singles only but I'm very unhappy with my wife' - these people clearly struggle with boundaries and the word no!