Horrible Horrible Man

[chestylarue52]

I’m on a website for finding adult friends for casual sex

I’m single.

Messaged by a man, sends me a photo of himself, very smart as in going to a wedding or the races, arm round a woman is clearly cropped out in the picture but you can see the edge of her dress, hat, arm etc

Him: this is me

Me: is that your ex or current gf/wife in the photo?

Him: oh lol thought I’d cropped her out that’s my wife
Him: is that a problem

Me: do you have a open relationship or are you cheating on her

Him: no I don’t fancy her any more and I miss the intimacy

Me: ok that’s really not for me. Please don’t message me again

Him: that’s a shame you’re really hot
Him: let me know I fyou change your mind hon

Me: I won’t. Don’t message me again.

I just feel so enraged by this exchange. Like just FUCK OFF. He sent me other photos I feel like trying to hunt him down and tell her. ‘Thought I’d cropped her out’. Makes me feel sick.

I agree that by the sounds of it a site like that would be awash with married men. Even the ones that don't post pictures of half of their wife by accident.

Weeding out the assholes on such a site seems too much of an effort. It would perhaps be easier to just go to a bar and proposition guys you think look nice. You'll be rejected a number of times, but at least the assholes won't be able to self-select, as it is with such dating sites

Its not really much of an effort. Delete, delete, delete, block, chat, delete, block,

If I like someone I'll talk to them on the phone, meet for coffee.

Going to bars has never worked for me. Theres an equal chance a man might be attached, I don't like to select men when I'm drunk, all sorts of reasons really.

Some people seems to have misunderstood the point of the thread. These sites have worked really well for me in the past. Just that this particular man, really boiled my blood. But no, of course the takeaway should be that men will be men, that's to be expected, and that I'm disgusting and desperate, and naïve. Tch.

One of my friends has been on various dating sites for a few months - every man she's met so far has said that "they are not looking for a relationship" on date one - they just want fun and sex. Time wasters basically.

People on casual sex sites are honest and upfront about what they want, I really don't understand why people are judgey about it.

And yes op, I agree that guy was disgusting.

If you put ads up looking for people to have casual sex with you are going to get all sorts of low lifes replying.
What did you expect?

If you don't value yourself then others won't value you either.

What makes you think I don't value myself?

The guy was not disgusting, he just didn't think it important enough to crop his friggin wife out the pic, he didn't care enough because the site is full of married people.

OP, I am not judging your sexual preference, but you are still banging on about a friggin pic, does it really matter, you will have no way of knowing who is married and who is not.

Adora WTAF?

what is your problem?

Dating is dating, not 'Free Sex', you prick

I kind of agree with Adora.
Meeting up with strange men purely for a shag isn't dating.
Dating is meeting someone, getting to know them, getting to know them some more, getting to trust them, finding things in common. Sex is only one part of it.

Meeting strangers for sex is not dating.

OP, ignore the people who don't think women are capable of enjoying sex and would only be "offering it" to men.

My problem with these casual sex sites isn't that women use them (because I'm not from 50 years ago). But as a PP said, it's that so many men basically think it's a prostitution service without paying. So many of them who think it is just about them and don't know or care whether their partner is enjoying it too. And who think that no-strings sex means no respect sex. So no company or conversation, just literally wham bam and out the door. Treating women like holes instead of people and mutual sexual partners. Because it is literally 'just sex' and if you try to have a drink or conversation afterwards, you know, treat your partner like a person, you're trying to trap them into a relationship and OH THE HORROR.

If you can winnow out the 99% of dross you're going to find on there and find a mutually compatible partner, have at it. But I think you might be better off going to swinger and fetish clubs and events. You'll be under no pressure or obligation to do anything, but at least the people are actually there, you can assess real life chemistry and you don't have to worry that they're just online time wasters. Much lower proportion of married men there too (with the exceptions of those in consensual open marriages).

I get the impression you don't value yourself, because at the beginning of this thread you say you are 'resigned/accepting of the fact that a lot of the men that want to use you will be married.

if you follow the logic you will have slept/ will sleep with married men, looking for casual sex who are bright enough to lie convincingly enough to gain casual sex.

Er, he's disgusting because he thinks he has the right to shag other women because he doesn't fancy his wife any more. Potentially exposing her to STIs as well as the devastation we see all too often on here when she finds out that he's a lying, cheating prick. So yes, he is disgusting.

As you're after "casual sex", what do you care if he's married or not? In fact it could be ideal—you know he isn't looking for a relationship and won't start pestering you for attachment. I don't imagine anyone here would be shocked to learn that not all married couples have a great sex life, especially where one partner's libido does not match the other's. We really can have it all people, if we just open our minds a little.

Ffs, am I the only one who realised OP meant that she realised there would be married men on there but she would tell them to get to fuck? Nobody can seek out a romantic or sexual partner without the risk of someone lying about not being married, especially online, but that doesn't mean we should all stop trying. Just that we should take care to check and stay away if we discover someone's attached.

I get the impression you don't value yourself, because at the beginning of this thread you say you are 'resigned/accepting of the fact that a lot of the men that want to use you will be married.

She also said she would tell the married ones to get lost. And 'use you'? Seriously? Two adults decide to have sex and you think that the woman is being used?

Two adults decide to have sex and you think that the woman is being used?

They're both using each other. For sex.
That's what those websites are about.

People need to drop the word 'dating' and 'adult friends'.
It's bullshit.
These people are not dating each other and they are definitely not your 'friends'.
They are sites where people meet up for sex. Sex is the primary goal.

FFS, who needs men to be misogynistic when women will do it for them? A woman does not have to be in a relationship to want sex, wanting casual sex doesn't mean you will sleep with anybody and sex is something to be mutually enjoyed, not wrestled away from a woman after she has made a man jump through a series of hoops in order to be seen as a 'good girl'. Yes, the OP expects to be propositioned by married men because some people are pigs who have no respect for their partners. It is NOT unreasonable to hope to meet like minded single men who can be mature enough to meet for casual sex without branding the woman who has sex with them with a scarlet letter. God forbid a woman would have a sex drive all of her own, eh?

I don't think I have used the work 'sex' so often in a single paragraph in my life.

Ugh use you

I pity the sad case who wrote that particular comment.

Absolutely nothing wrong with single women wanting to meet single men for sex.
why not?

But don't call it dating, which it isn't and
don't pretend these people are your friends
and don't be surprised that the site will be mainly used by married men looking for sex with strangers.

I don't like the implication that the OP is wrong to want no-strings sex. Even worse is the implication that the OP is responsible for married men cheating, because she has sought out casual sex.

The OP has made it clear that she does not want to have sex with a married man, but if a man manages to falsely convince her that he is single in order to have sex with her, it is not the OP who is in the wrong, its the man!!!

Jesus, its like Mumsnet has been transported back to the 1950s.

You're on a website looking for casual sex, what do you expect?

I'm certainly not into casual sex websites too old and tired.
But...

*If you put ads up looking for people to have casual sex with you are going to get all sorts of low lifes replying.
What did you expect?

If you don't value yourself then others won't value you either*

Where the fuck did this come from? Just because a woman wants good, meaty, strings-free sex why does it mean she does not value herself?

Where the fuck did this come from? Just because a woman wants good, meaty, strings-free sex why does it mean she does not value herself?

It's comes across as easy and men/woman don't respect that.

Don't offer yourself up on a plate and be shocked when scumbags come along.

Don't offer yourself up on a plate and be shocked when scumbags come along

Eh? Is sex something that men want and women give? The OP is not offering herself on a plate - she's looking for sexual pleasure!

when did "casual sex" get confused with meeting strangers for a quickie in a dark alley? OP has been perfectly clear what she wants from the websites, and is willing to deal with weeding out the dross.

What is wrong with consensual sex between adults? She wants to have sex, without a long-term relationship. She says she talks & meets them first, then wants a casual, fun sex-based relationship.friendship. There's nothing wrong with that.

OP - sadly, I think that online, if you want a quick fuck from a cheater, go to the 'casual sex' forums. If you want casual sex then go to the 'dating' ones. If you want to date, find one for 'looking to get married' and if you actually want to get married, find a deity and start praying!