Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Horrible Horrible Man

191 replies

chestylarue52 · 26/07/2017 12:57

I’m on a website for finding adult friends for casual sex

I’m single.

Messaged by a man, sends me a photo of himself, very smart as in going to a wedding or the races, arm round a woman is clearly cropped out in the picture but you can see the edge of her dress, hat, arm etc

Him: this is me

Me: is that your ex or current gf/wife in the photo?

Him: oh lol thought I’d cropped her out that’s my wife
Him: is that a problem

Me: do you have a open relationship or are you cheating on her

Him: no I don’t fancy her any more and I miss the intimacy

Me: ok that’s really not for me. Please don’t message me again

Him: that’s a shame you’re really hot
Him: let me know I fyou change your mind hon

Me: I won’t. Don’t message me again.

I just feel so enraged by this exchange. Like just FUCK OFF. He sent me other photos I feel like trying to hunt him down and tell her. ‘Thought I’d cropped her out’. Makes me feel sick.

OP posts:
Wdigin2this · 26/07/2017 13:44

I suppose you take that risk on this type of dating site, can't you block/report him?

Original poster
chestylarue52 · 26/07/2017 13:44

WellErr - wherever I try to find someone either for casual sex or a relationship, whether its online or in real life, I'll be propositioned by married men. Its the reality of being a single woman. I do due diligence and check they're not married - the married ones I tell to do one. So I don't see why my behaviour is disgusting.

OP posts:
Collidascope · 26/07/2017 13:47

I don't see how the OP's behaviour is disgusting because she expects to be propositioned by married men. When I used to go out, I would expect to be groped at some point during the evening. It usually happened. That didn't make my behaviour disgusting. OP has every right to be looking out for casual sex between consenting adults.

WellErrr · 26/07/2017 13:47

I misunderstood then - when you said 'I very much expect to be propositioned by men who are married,' that together with the OP made it seem as if that's what you were after. Which would have been pretty reprehensible!

As I've said though I've obviously got it wrong, so apologies!

RebornSlippy · 26/07/2017 13:47

Nothing to contribute that hasn't already been said, just wanted to add a huge brava to the OP for her diagram. It made me smile out loud.

Mamabear4180 · 26/07/2017 13:50

A casual sex website-grim! It will be full of married men and weirdos, it seems crazy to be outraged when you are offering sex to complete strangers on the internet! How can you be so desperate? I can't understand it I'm sorry. Why not join a proper dating site and get to know people first?

scoobydoo1971 · 26/07/2017 13:54

I love internet weirdo websites...had a conversation with my mum the other night...no one gets 'funny phone calls' anymore (the heavy breather types) as they are all presumably busy flashing their bits online. I think she secretly misses them, we used to get rather a lot in the 80's and early 90's pre-internet years...she used to wind them up on the phone as she is a wicked woman.

Casual sex websites are hardly a good source for quality people...if they are having sex with you, they are having sex with other people too...which is fine if you don't mind a free for all and keep it safe, but if you are outraged that a man photoshops out his wife, and still wants sex with other women as a married person...perhaps you are not suited to these dodgy websites that take cattle market to whole new depths. At least this bloke was honest about what he had done. Lots would deny the marriage and say that was a friend, sister, daughter etc cut out of pic. Feel sorry for his wife to be in such a relationship.

HerOtherHalf · 26/07/2017 13:55

I expect you'll find an awful lot of men people on casual hook-up sites who are cheating on their partners. If that is not your thing (and I agree with you) find another way of filling your own requirements.

Original poster
chestylarue52 · 26/07/2017 13:55

I'm not on a dating site because I don't want to date, and I don't want a relationship. I don't want to date someone with a view to becoming someones gf I don't want that. I'm on a casual sex website because I want casual sex. Doesn't mean I don't get to know the person I'm seeing before I have sex with them. Just that theres a clear understanding of what we're doing.

OP posts:
MotherofSausage · 26/07/2017 13:56

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Adora10 · 26/07/2017 13:57

But in reality OP, these sites are full of attached men so you're going to have to develop a thick skin if a cropped pic has angered you to the point you have to start a thread and do a diagram.

Original poster
chestylarue52 · 26/07/2017 14:00

Come on Adora. this forum is full of flippant threads and the diagram didn't exactly take me hours as you may be able to tell...

OP posts:
ShotsFired · 26/07/2017 14:01

Mamabear4180 A casual sex website-grim! It will be full of married men and weirdos, it seems crazy to be outraged when you are offering sex to complete strangers on the internet! How can you be so desperate? I can't understand it I'm sorry. Why not join a proper dating site and get to know people first

So speaks someone who clearly hasn't been on the dating scene in quite a while. Judgmental, ill informed and unhelpful.

@chestylarue52 , if only you had THOUGHT! Just go on a DATING WEBSITE! It's so obvious now someone has said so... Hmm

horsefeathers · 26/07/2017 14:02

Fuck sakes, the amount of judgement about casual sex. OP's not on a dating site because she doesn't want to date, she wants casual sex. Good, nice, decent people have casual sex too. It's not just grim married men who think cheating on their wives is a laugh. I'd probably do it sometimes if I wasn't married. I did before I met DH. Just because you don't like the idea for yourself, doesn't mean OP shouldn't find it fun, or that she should be blase about cheating dickheads.

Original poster
chestylarue52 · 26/07/2017 14:04

I also feel sorry for his wife

I have met a man previously through a site like that that I had a few months casual relationship with, we only ended it because he met a girl he wanted to date. He was definitely single - I went to his house, called him different times of day, was friends with him on social media.

I'm not outraged, as in pearl clutching, clearly I'm not a prude. just got angry that while many men cheat and that's bad enough, his was made so much worse with the words 'oh thought I'd cropped her out lol' and the blatant picture (wish I could post it) - ugh.

OP posts:
VestalVirgin · 26/07/2017 14:05

wtf are you doing on a website for casual sex if you are that easily outraged?Who did you think would contact you, Edward Cullen?????

I think if she had feared Edward Cullen would contact her, she'd not be using that website.

Married men wanting to cheat on their wives are one thing, but abusive vampires are quite a lot worse! Grin

OP, I think you have to be aware of the "free sex" thinking - many men who seek casual sex think it is just like using a prostitute, only for free. Which is obviously vile and means they'll be shit in bed, but the number of women who have this view are a hint at how much you have to expect it from men.

Weeding out the assholes on such a site seems too much of an effort. It would perhaps be easier to just go to a bar and proposition guys you think look nice. You'll be rejected a number of times, but at least the assholes won't be able to self-select, as it is with such dating sites.

VestalVirgin · 26/07/2017 14:07

his was made so much worse with the words 'oh thought I'd cropped her out lol' and the blatant picture (wish I could post it) - ugh

I get what you mean; he could at least have had the decency to be ashamed!

Poor wife. I hope she finds out sooner rather than later.

Adora10 · 26/07/2017 14:07

Really don't think this type of site is for you OP, you pity his wife, really, then get off it cos it will be full of other arseholes just like him.

user1498911589 · 26/07/2017 14:09

If it's for casual sex then what the fuck did you expect? The men on the site aren't all going to be single virgins. That said, I do think what he is doing is pretty deplorable but you are being very naive.

Zephyr01 · 26/07/2017 14:10

You're right scoobydoo, the heavy breather has disappeared! You never knew if it was your mate with asthma or some pervo!

Also the phone boxes in London covered in call girl flyers or the 'massage' adverts amongst ford cortinas for sale on the newsagents board!

Slimthistime · 26/07/2017 14:10

I have to be honest OP
I've never dated online

but I think this is very common.

wherearemymarbles · 26/07/2017 14:10

I imagine there are married women on there as well so it all becomes a bit of a free for all

Slimthistime · 26/07/2017 14:11

sorry, I mean on a casual sex site, but also common on dating sites tbh.

I bet he knew he hadn't cropped her pic out properly but wasn't concerned.

TieGrr · 26/07/2017 14:11

Am I the only one who hates the phrase 'offering sex'? As if sex is something for women to give away and men to take, rather than something mutually enjoyable.

PinkHeart5911 · 26/07/2017 14:12

If the site is for Casual sex, then it's a cheaters paradise surely. I bet many of the mean & women on it will be cheating on someone.

Swipe left for the next trending thread