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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Horrible Horrible Man

191 replies

chestylarue52 · 26/07/2017 12:57

I’m on a website for finding adult friends for casual sex

I’m single.

Messaged by a man, sends me a photo of himself, very smart as in going to a wedding or the races, arm round a woman is clearly cropped out in the picture but you can see the edge of her dress, hat, arm etc

Him: this is me

Me: is that your ex or current gf/wife in the photo?

Him: oh lol thought I’d cropped her out that’s my wife
Him: is that a problem

Me: do you have a open relationship or are you cheating on her

Him: no I don’t fancy her any more and I miss the intimacy

Me: ok that’s really not for me. Please don’t message me again

Him: that’s a shame you’re really hot
Him: let me know I fyou change your mind hon

Me: I won’t. Don’t message me again.

I just feel so enraged by this exchange. Like just FUCK OFF. He sent me other photos I feel like trying to hunt him down and tell her. ‘Thought I’d cropped her out’. Makes me feel sick.

OP posts:
Original poster
chestylarue52 · 26/07/2017 17:29

Jesus, its like Mumsnet has been transported back to the 1950s.

Quite. Posted about disgusting male behaviour - get a barrage of 'you don't deserve any better you slag' type comments. The mind boggles.

OP posts:
Adora10 · 26/07/2017 17:30

OP, all I mean is if you are on a sex hook up site you won't know who is married or not, not if you only meet them the once for a shag.

From what you have said, you are not doing that so that is great, and I wish you all the luck in the world with your fuck buddies.

All I was trying to say to you was that you should develop a thick skin if a cropped pic of a married man has enraged you so much and you contemplated tracking him so you could tell his wife.

Original poster
chestylarue52 · 26/07/2017 17:35

Great, thank you for the advice Hmm

OP posts:
JK1773 · 26/07/2017 17:45

This thread is hilarious, especially the drawing. Good for you OP. You sound sensible, strong and you know what you want. The married man is a cretinous creep Grin

GnoraBatty · 26/07/2017 17:52

I get it.
It would annoy me too, the careless way in which he didn't even manage to crop out a photo of his wife whilst planning to cheat on her.
Arsehole.
I know shit happens, a lot of the time I shrug and see it for what it is, others it gets to me a bit.
I don't understand the responses you've got on here tbh. The Aibu mentality is everywhere theses days.

orangewasp · 26/07/2017 18:28

Really shocked at some of the attitudes on this thread.

Good luck in finding a suitable man OP, despite what some posters think you're clearly very sensible and principled and you do a great diagram!

user1490465531 · 26/07/2017 18:36

go on a normal site you are the answer to most mens dreams on there!

Original poster
chestylarue52 · 26/07/2017 18:45

Fwiw this thread wasn't about how to find what I want, I know how to do that, it was about the asshole man, and how ridiculous his post was.

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 26/07/2017 18:53

Adora, you don't get it. It's not just that the man is married, presumably not an open marriage. It's that he was too lazy even just to get a decent pic of just himself, was lazy in the cropping, and when confronted with it, thought it was funny. He's trying to seduce women outside of his marriage, and he's not even making any effort to present himself well, and he thinks his lack of respect all round is a joke.

It's the online equivalent of some creep skulking up to you in a bar and slurring, "Would you pull me if I'd just puked?", you telling him not to be so disgusting and him laughing and saying, "I'm married too." It's just nasty. And yes, I probably would tell that story.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 26/07/2017 18:57

I have never slept with a married man.

That you know of.

Original poster
chestylarue52 · 26/07/2017 19:07

That's right, that I know of.

OP posts:
mazihepe · 26/07/2017 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Adora10 · 27/07/2017 10:13

I do get it but I am not naïve enough to believe a sex hook up site is going to be full of men that ensure they present themselves as single; this man is probably like many others on there; not bothered or apathetic to anyone knowing they are actually married, hence his half hearted attempt at hiding it; I'm afraid sex sites are full of it.

Sounds to me anyway like the OP is looking more for a FWB situation and I think would be better using normal dating sites for that, although they too are full of attached people so who knows where you go!

HellonHeels · 27/07/2017 10:24

Bloody hell the language on here!

"easy"
"offering sex"
"used for sex"

I am really shocked at the attitudes this thread has brought out.

Original poster
chestylarue52 · 27/07/2017 10:54

Sounds to me anyway like the OP is looking more for a FWB situation and I think would be better using normal dating sites for that, although they too are full of attached people so who knows where you go!

Adora, do you find reading comprehension difficult? I don't find it difficult to find single men to have sex with. Nor do I find it difficult to verify that they are single. That's not the point of this thread.

OP posts:
Adora10 · 27/07/2017 11:40

That's good then OP, I am sorry you have found my opinions so annoying, my reading comprehension is good, it has to be, I work in English.

PittTheMiddleOneNoOneMentions · 27/07/2017 12:06

I am at an absolute loss to understand why this man and his photo triggered you so much to "make your blood boil".

On normal dating sites (ie. not for casual sex):

a. it is very common for married men to be there pretending to be single in order to get sex.
b. it is very common for men to use badly cropped photos with half a woman in. [I was very harsh about this - in the days when I used to internet date I would ignore these guys (and the ones with the bathroom mirror selfies) because I thought if you can't be bothered to get a mate to take a nice photo of you ALONE, then you aren't really that interested in finding a relationship and are also probably very lazy]
c. It is very common for men to have profiles expressly stating they are married and "if that' s not for you not a problem".
d. It is very common for men to have a "normal profile" but early in email say they are married and looking for [xyz/fetish] sex and they are discreet.

When you then add in CASUAL SEX SITE to this mix, it all (I would imagine having never done a casual sex site) inevitably powers up to the power n x 1million - because there is even less reason to lie or conceal.

Everyone is there just looking for sex so you know there will be a lot of married men before you start and more than on a "normal" dating site which has a ton anyway.

Why on earth did it bug you SO much? Was it language he used? Or that the woman reminded you of a friend of yours? I'd have a good hard look at the trigger here - because if you are on a casual sex site, this reaction is out of proportion to the thing you are complaining of.

PushingThru · 27/07/2017 12:34

Yes, he's grim. A liar and a cheat. I bet most of the women here who are hysterically criticising you are married to awful men who they suspect are or would behave like this. Blaming you for enjoying 'free sex' while they have to be indirectly paid to put up with it and blaming you for existing is just easier in their heads. Ignore them. This man's behaviour is ethically wrong on every level and these vipers are implying that you are responsible.

CabbageLooking · 27/07/2017 12:47

Well this is incredibly depressing. OP wants casual sex. OP finds a forum in which she can hook up with like minded people. OP has enough morals to turn down married men. OP is annoyed at the lack of respect shown by one man to his wife. OP expresses said annoyance with entertaining diagram. OP is clearly a slag.

Another of these threads where the tone of the OP has been completely missed by posters determined to focus on the irrelevant details.

NinonDeLenclos · 27/07/2017 12:54

Jesus, its like Mumsnet has been transported back to the 1950s

It's extraordinary.

I do get it but I am not naïve enough to believe a sex hook up site is going to be full of men that ensure they present themselves as single; this man is probably like many others on there; not bothered or apathetic to anyone knowing they are actually married, hence his half hearted attempt at hiding it; I'm afraid sex sites are full of it.

The whole world is full of married men trying to get sex. I've been propositioned by mm in real life twice in the last month alone. I held up my wedding ring to one of them and he just said 'So?'

There is a sound of frantic backpedalling by posters with weird atavistic attitudes to women and sex, who are now trying to pass off prudery as disapproval of the presence of married men.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 27/07/2017 14:48

Yes, he's grim. A liar and a cheat. I bet most of the women here who are hysterically criticising you are married to awful men who they suspect are or would behave like this

Yes.. And they are probably financially supported by them too ...

MissAlabamaWhitman · 27/07/2017 14:55

My Goodness, well said pushing I really couldn't have put it better myself.

Awful misogynistic thread.
Worthy of the DM really.

pompodd · 27/07/2017 15:01

Adora - you're trying really hard to backpedal (and failing). Your earlier posts were pretty unpleasant and you got called out on it.

reetgood · 27/07/2017 15:06

I would like to big up the diagram. Very strong work.

I would also just like to take time to appreciate the 'causal sex' typo

Everyone with the weird attitudes re women and casual sex need to get over it. The op's behaviour is of no harm. Creepy married man however is causing harm to another woman.

Adora10 · 27/07/2017 15:19

Adora - you're trying really hard to backpedal (and failing). Your earlier posts were pretty unpleasant

Nope, not back peddling at all, would love you to show me where I've been criticising the OP for wanting casual sex?

Not everyone, esp women, are going to support anyone, man or woman that subscribes to hook up sites, lots of people find them abhorrent (I don't, each to their own).

All you lot are doing now is going through people's posts, picking flaws and then calling them out, much like this one:

I bet most of the women here who are hysterically criticising you are married to awful men who they suspect are or would behave like this

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