Horrible Horrible Man

[chestylarue52]

I’m on a website for finding adult friends for casual sex

I’m single.

Messaged by a man, sends me a photo of himself, very smart as in going to a wedding or the races, arm round a woman is clearly cropped out in the picture but you can see the edge of her dress, hat, arm etc

Him: this is me

Me: is that your ex or current gf/wife in the photo?

Him: oh lol thought I’d cropped her out that’s my wife
Him: is that a problem

Me: do you have a open relationship or are you cheating on her

Him: no I don’t fancy her any more and I miss the intimacy

Me: ok that’s really not for me. Please don’t message me again

Him: that’s a shame you’re really hot
Him: let me know I fyou change your mind hon

Me: I won’t. Don’t message me again.

I just feel so enraged by this exchange. Like just FUCK OFF. He sent me other photos I feel like trying to hunt him down and tell her. ‘Thought I’d cropped her out’. Makes me feel sick.

Adora - have a look at yoru first two posts (I see you had one deleted between the first two as well). "Offering sex", "free sex". The attitudes were right there in how you chose to express yourself.

It's "pedalling" not "peddling", by the way. Thought you'd have got that right given you "work in English".

I'm genuinely not trying to pick your posts apart. The attitude you've displayed (and lots of others on the thread) is not nice and, in some cases, I think was deliberately missing and misconstruing the OP's point to have a crack at a woman who was just seeking casual sex. For what it's worth, I'm a man and was equally shocked at the sheer brass-neck and utterly amoral response of the bloke in question. The fact that lots of scumbags might frequent those sites doesn't make this individual's behaviour any less scumbaggy!

Pomp, does your name stand for pompous?

Offering sex, free sex, these are words that people on a sex hook up site will see it as, that's what I mean actually, it's not hard to understand.

FFS, how childish, peddling, is that better?

If I thought for once second I was criticising the OP for wanting casual sex then I'd have said that, you show me where please cos I haven't; you've construed it to be that, please show me?

Brass necked, immoral, on a sex hook up site, you were shocked, dearie me.

This thread reminds me of a convo I had with my mum who is 68.

She was convinced that women who have lots of sex are ''the local bike''.

I said no, they are women who enjoy having lots of sex & there's nothing wrong with that.

A lot of MNers on this thread sound like my mum. Are you all 68??!!

Some married men are lovely but some love to cheat - if I had a pound for every time I'd been propositioned - often by the same men several times despite a firm no - I'd be a rich woman.

I have to say I'm really shocked by the number of people on here who seem to think that because the OP openly wants casual sex that she has low self-esteem and doesn't value herself. Would you ask that of a man posting on an equivalent chat board in the same situation?

Casual sex websites are not for me personally, but I fail to see why being on one indicates that you have low self-worth or are asking to be used.

It assumes that women's sole motivation for wanting sex is to get into a relationship with a man which I find slightly disturbing.

Yes there are clearly going to be a lot of scumbags and a lot of married people on these sites and the OP needs to be very careful. And yes this man was horrible.

But the central contention of about half the people on this thread is that no woman could genuinely want to have casual sex with a man without either being damaged or there being an ulterior motive. Or that she somehow deserves to end up with a cheater because she wants casual sex. OP has been very clear that she tries to screen out people who are married and that she is genuinely interested in having casual sex with unattached men. Why do so many people have such a hard time accepting this?

What a nasty comment @parttime

I'd look much closer to home for the reasons your husband strayed if that's your general attitude.

Parttimesuperhero have a word with yourself.
You know nothing about the OP and her motivations for what she does. I'm sorry your husband was a shit but that's no excuse for insulting a stranger on a talkboard because she wants no-strings sex.
Also your suggestion that she opens her legs "for free" suggests that you think women should only be opening their legs to get something/catch and keep a man. If you really have this 1950s outlook on life then fine, but don't call other people who don't subscribe to this "desperate".

And we have a late addition to the fucked up attitude to sex theme of the thread:

women who just open their legs for free

Women should always make men pay one way or another, right?
And women have no agency, they 'open' themselves as passive objects for a man's pleasure. No right to pleasure themselves.

Offering sex, free sex, these are words that people on a sex hook up site will see it as

The OP has already made it clear that she has certain conditions/criteria and seeks out the kind of partner she wants to engage in this kind of relationship with. I imagine there are at least some people on that website (and similar ones) that realise it's not a simple case of 'Have at it! First come first served'. It's not fucking Freecycle or Gumtree. She's not on there putting sex 'on offer'.

Yes he's a vile scum bag.
Yes it's a nasty comment & I could not give a stuff if it offends!
I don't for one believe the OP gives a stuff about whether the men she's sleeping with gives a stuff about a stranger who has a wife/gf.
It's all just click bait & I will BITE!

If there is one thing that is on a par with 'vile scumbag' men, it's women who use misogynist insults on other women.

Tbh it sounds as if you deserve each other.

It's all so easy to make statements & stand up for the free single and able to mingle OP who hasn't a care (with regards to emotional/sexual relationships).
As a person who's life & family has been destroyed by this vile online set up all for nothing (an hours shag) - yes call me vile.
Cattle market desperados.

Are you thick Parttime or so bitter you can only see what you want to see? Regardless if it's there or not.

The OP does not want to sleep with married men. Kind of the point of the thread in the first place. So why don't you take your projection and misinterpretation back to 1952 where it belongs.

Rebornslippy - I'll send the poor bastard your way shall I?

What the actual fuck are you even talking about?!

And your experience of these sites and the types of people who use them is what exactly?
You struggling to bag a decent man too?

@parttime rtft , the op has stated more than once she checks she's not sleeping with married men. Don't judge everyone by you husband's low standards.

Dixie, she may not be but folk (men) on that site will see it that way!

The OP was so enraged by his cropped pic she wanted to hunt him down in order to tell his wife - that to me signifies the OP should not be on said site.

I have no problem with women wanting lots of sex, I think it's great actually, women enjoy sex just as much as men do.

Don't get me wrong I am not in any way in denial about what my STBXH did.
There is no way of telling whether any of the people on these sites are truly single if it's just casual sex you're after.
So if you have such a conscious about ending up with a cheat & have high morals about hurting someone else why use them.

How is it any different from meeting on tinder, down the pub, in the park or any other way? Op actually stated she wanted regular casual sex, not necessarily just one off hook ups that you are fixated on @parttime. You need to start your own thread about your issues and stop attacking op as if she was the one sleeping with your husband. Those women he hooked up with possibly believed he was single or you were ok with the arrangement, whatever bs he told them. They aren't the problem, he is.

A friend of mine was on a hook up site after his marriage ended. From what he told me there were fair number of married women on there and a fair number who stated in their profile married men weren't a problem so i can see why people might not find these sights palatable.

But personally dont see a problem in it at all. As for th op I suspect he has slept with women on the site who couldn't care less if he was married hence his lack of shame.

OP I applaud your honesty but I think it's going to be hard to find a decent man on these sites TBH.
Even if it is just for sex you have stated you want a guy that is respectful which I would to, if I was looking for the same set up.
Sadly the men on these types of sites will generally have a low opinion of the women on them as even in these supposed enlightened times there are still double standards when it comes to casual sex.
How about a normal dating site and just put your not looking for anything serious which is dating code for FWB.
Even on a site like POF you will find better.

The most shocking thing about this thread is the MN'ter who called the OP 'easy'. And that 'everyone thinks like her'.

No they fucking don't! Keep your ignorant attitudes to yourself. I have a lot of respect for women like the OP.

Diag was fab. Ignore the pearl clutching haters.