Mystery WhatsApp conversation

[Foundwantingalways]

My DP has been acting very very secretive with his phone, I have no other reason to suspect him of anything but the fact that he has been really weird over it and won't even leave it charging in my presence got me wondering. I have his phone password, he doesn't know. I've just checked it quickly while he was in the shower and there's a short message on WhatsApp, clearly only the latest fragment of a conversation, with a number saved in the name ' new'. There's a picture of a baby in their profile pic. There's nothing overly awful about the conversation but he's signed off a few messages with a kiss... This is not like him. One of the messages says 'night x' and before that one says. 'I always want to see pics x'. Now this could be innocent but I don't know of anyone, family or friends, who he'd be willing to send messages with a kiss to? I didn't know how to screenshot but I have managed to scribble down the mobile number. I really want to call it, but I just don't know how to go about it. I was thinking of maybe giving a different name and saying I'm from the local water board and need to speak to xyz, and see if I can get a name that way? I'm shaking. I cannot believe he's having an affair, he's keen for another baby and we're undergoing fertility tests at the moment, I'm so hoping it's not that but why be so secretive, and why isn't there a name on the WhatsApp contact? Any thoughts on my next move? He's on Android and is tech savvy so I don't have a tracking app or anything.

Thanks all for your support, I don't know if I'm coming or going and you are helping me think. I have to go out and be normal with my mum now, she can't know about this, I'm going to have to pretend I'm fine

Apologies if this has already been said but add the number to your contact list and they should appear in whatsapp, you'll be able to view their profile pic. They won't know you've added them.

I don't think you can view their profile until they have added you onto their contacts/whatsapp or have messaged you.

I wouldn't call unless you do it from a witheld number or get someone else to call her pretending to be from a company selling something just so you can find out her name and hear her voice. You don't want your dh finding out before you have enough proof.

That hasn't worked unfortunately , perhaps I have copied the number down wrong... Aargh

OP you need to press "refresh" for the contact to appear in your list x

She may have clicked the setting on her whatsapp that only contacts see her profile pic.

It's not looking good OP, I'm so sorry but none of this is your fault at all.

And save them under a name. x

Hope you can get some answers soon OP.

The messages do sound dodgy but it might not be anything more than messaging yet. Maybe the fertility testing is freaking him out.

Have you tried googling the number, or the true caller app?

Oh and just to note I don't in any way mean that the fertility testing would be an excuse, just that you said you totally feel he wouldn't have an affair but maybe that could be a reason he's gone out of character, if that's what it is.

I thought that the True Caller app only works on dodgy call centres and scam callers etc, not individual people?

I'm thinking maybe the baby is his, as a result of a previous/ongoing affair? Hence "always wanting to see pics.."

I've tried true caller but other than telling me it's an 02 mobile I got no further. I've added a name to the number in my contacts but that hasn't changed anything in WhatsApp, sorry to sound thick but how do I refresh the contacts?

If you open WhatsApp and then tap the new message icon at the bottom right of the screen, does that not bring up a list of all the contacts on your phone who have whatsapp?

When I was being stalked many years ago, I managed to get their phone number and provider details, so in this case O2.

I then rang them, withholding my number, saying I was from 'O2' and that I just needed to run through some security questions with them, and could they confirm their full name.

He gave me his name before becoming suspicious and hanging up. Otherwise his address would have been my next question. Nonetheless this was enough for me to confirm that he was a stranger, and for the police to trace him and give him a warning.

Your circumstances are different of course. Yet similar in that you want to find out a name.

"He doesn't have time" my ex was shagging OW on lunch breaks IN the office!

"It's not like him" I had been with him 10 years married 8 and dd. He'd never been "the type" he even felt guilty about his crushes. This was COMPLETELY out of character. Not only a shock for me but his family and friends too, people can surprise you.

The sti reaction HUGE red flag! We were supposed to be trying for 2nd baby but he suddenly 'wasn't sure it was the right time' and wanted to use condoms.

Why are cheats so THICK? My ex didn't delete texts either (pre smart phone days) and didn't have lock on his phone BUT did become very possessive of it.

I also started getting hang up calls on home phone. We were ex-directory cos of his job.

He stopped taking me to work social events (they worked together and everyone knew). Leaving it to last min to even tell me so couldn't get babysitter but he HAD to go "or it wouldn't look good to bosses".

Nobody thinks it will happen to them. One mner I sadly read a thread by admitted she'd been a smug "I can trust MY man" type, until...

Don't have unprotected sex with him (sudden virulent attack of thrush/BV can happen).

Don't give game away, I was counselled by a good friend to "play it Lang and canny" as we say here. She was right, by time I couldn't take any more I had loads of evidence - he STILL denied for YEARS even post divorce and getting engaged to OW and them having 2 kids. He was trying to get back in MY knickers just before THEIR wedding and I made out I would if he admitted and begged forgiveness. Then said I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole!

Switch your phone on and off and the WhatsApp contact should be there.

If he's worried about you possibly having Chlamydia and he's writing those texts to another woman then it's obvious what's happening and it won't just be emotional.

Yeah I know, I can't think of any rational reason for this other than the obvious(and believe me I'm trying!), it's like a knife in the heart. I need a name I think, as I'm unlikely to be able to get any other proof. I need to bite the bullet and ring this number.

You know one place people leave their names.... on their voicemail.

Maybe you could try calling (withheld number) at a time that they're likely unable to answer the phone (middle of the working day or 2am or something). I rarely answer withheld numbers at all, so it'd work on me at any time of day.

Sorry if someone's already suggested this, I have not RTWT.

If they happen to answer it's always worth pretending it's a wrong-number "Hi is that Steph?...No?...so so sorry".

Try not to give away what you suspect as he will hide it better from you - trust your instinct as it's usually right
Good luck - be kind to yourself if the worst happens, you will get through it

Give the number a ring, OP.

I'm guessing it's not someone you're very familiar with, if you don't recognise/already have the number.

Do you have access to his phone bill either paper or online? If it's an affair he will likely have called her too so check for that number on the bill breakdown. Also..check for any suspicious activity on web browsers of any tablets laptops etc that you have access to. He might not be physically cheating...its possible it could judt be an online thing too X

How awful for you op . It don't sound good at I'm afraid . Try and get phone tonight and go through it with fine tooth comb

Truecaller works on pretty much every number if you have a contract. The only number it doesn't work on are unregistered payg sims

I'm wary of him working late every night, OP. Does he actually use that flexi-time? It would add up to about one day per week, wouldn't it?