Mystery WhatsApp conversation

[Foundwantingalways]

My DP has been acting very very secretive with his phone, I have no other reason to suspect him of anything but the fact that he has been really weird over it and won't even leave it charging in my presence got me wondering. I have his phone password, he doesn't know. I've just checked it quickly while he was in the shower and there's a short message on WhatsApp, clearly only the latest fragment of a conversation, with a number saved in the name ' new'. There's a picture of a baby in their profile pic. There's nothing overly awful about the conversation but he's signed off a few messages with a kiss... This is not like him. One of the messages says 'night x' and before that one says. 'I always want to see pics x'. Now this could be innocent but I don't know of anyone, family or friends, who he'd be willing to send messages with a kiss to? I didn't know how to screenshot but I have managed to scribble down the mobile number. I really want to call it, but I just don't know how to go about it. I was thinking of maybe giving a different name and saying I'm from the local water board and need to speak to xyz, and see if I can get a name that way? I'm shaking. I cannot believe he's having an affair, he's keen for another baby and we're undergoing fertility tests at the moment, I'm so hoping it's not that but why be so secretive, and why isn't there a name on the WhatsApp contact? Any thoughts on my next move? He's on Android and is tech savvy so I don't have a tracking app or anything.

Thanks Jetty, no he picked up today on time but brought her back half an hour late and sunburnt. I'm fucking raging. I packed cream and a hat, that was clearly too much effort for him to go to. And I'm sick of the lazy attitude they have to timekeeping.

*Hetty, sorry!

I wanted to send a note to Foundwanting and all the other women going through similar ordeals who have posted on here that you're all awesome and doing some fierce parenting by all accounts. I just wanted to mention something about access for your STBXH for you to consider before any firm decisions are made. I have not been through this kind of betrayal so I cannot provide any insight into that process but I think you may be thinking about what access you think he should get ( i.e. Is entitled to) rather than thinking about help you might actually need. I have a friend who was divorced a couple of years ago and was left with four children. Her ex had them every other weekend and some time in the school holidays. She was part-time ( and still is) as you can imagine four children required a lot of running around after. She did all the school runs, packed lunches and other chores and then commuted to her job. She could only work because her mum helped out with some of the childcare. She couldn't increase her hours at work because she didn't want to impose on her mum further so is in a position where she can't afford holidays with the children or other luxuries. She has a lot of service in her job and in another situation would have been able to retire but is going to have to carry on working because her part-time hours means her pension is reduced. Her ex meanwhile has carried on working full time and has none of the stress of rushing to get back to pick the kids up or rushing to get to work in the morning after he's done the school run. He doesn't do laundry or buy uniforms for them etc etc He can also afford to have holidays. So when I say think about what you need from him, try and think about what help you need to make your life work for you. I hope this helps. Good luck.

Morning Found, I just wanted to chip in with my support having been in your position nearly 2 years ago.
I found out my XH was having an affair when I was 18 weeks pregnant and we had a 2 year old.
I went through the same emotions you are going through now, anger, heartbreak, despair, frustration back to anger again. I used to write everything down in a notebook, I found that helped me a lot. It took just over a year but eventually I stopped caring. The land of 'Meh', I just realised one day that I wasn't bothered anymore, when I thought of him, what he'd done. I felt nothing. You'll get there too. Promise.
As for your housing/financial situation, depend on how much you work you can claim working tax credits. Plus child tax credits and (when you're ready for that conversation) child maintenance.
Before talk of court you actually have to have mediation, I don't know if your solicitor has said that. If you can't come to an agreement on access and assets in mediation it can then go to court. Although a judge will make a decision that is in the child's best interests. Which is to live with her main carer in her family home until she is 18.
If you want anymore advice or support, pm me. It does get better, stay strong, stay fierce, you're doing amazing and are an excellent role model to your daughter.

Re the timekeeping - can you drop off so at least that is to time? I would also be upset about the sunburn

Wow I've just read all you posts Found!

You sound a strong lady and I'm pleased MN and your posting is some kind of therapy. I read that you'd been running. Something similar happened to me 2 years ago and I found running had literally saved my life! So my advice is when you're feeling crap go for a runand you'll feel you can tackle anything.

It will get easier, believe me x

How are you doing OP? X

I'm doing OK, thanks. Ex is still attempting to get back together, I've been bought some supermarket flowers he's only just getting on to the 'blame' part of the script, apparently our sex life was becoming routine and that's why he went elsewhere. Because obviously he couldn't have just talked to me. I've arranged to put our house on the market, so I'm moving forward slowly. Thanks for asking. X

*reduced price supermarket flowers, that should have said!

What an ass! But you knew that Well done on staying strong and knowing you deserve better

You are doing very well, Found. Well done for seeing through the script.

Do you think the grief has hit you yet? How are your energy levels?

Slowly is the only way to go here. I don't know of any shortcuts, sadly.

No I don't think it has fully hit me yet, I'm still operating on autopilot. It's too huge for me to understand, almost. So I'm just dealing with little stuff now, the rest feels like a tidal wave looming in the distance. I'd like to thank a pp who recommended Chump Lady, that site is a lifeline for me at the moment. It's helping me to understand that I can't do anything about this but move forward.

Dealing with the little stuff is fantastic.

Stay strong and be sure to do a little thing for yourself every day.