Mystery WhatsApp conversation

[Foundwantingalways]

My DP has been acting very very secretive with his phone, I have no other reason to suspect him of anything but the fact that he has been really weird over it and won't even leave it charging in my presence got me wondering. I have his phone password, he doesn't know. I've just checked it quickly while he was in the shower and there's a short message on WhatsApp, clearly only the latest fragment of a conversation, with a number saved in the name ' new'. There's a picture of a baby in their profile pic. There's nothing overly awful about the conversation but he's signed off a few messages with a kiss... This is not like him. One of the messages says 'night x' and before that one says. 'I always want to see pics x'. Now this could be innocent but I don't know of anyone, family or friends, who he'd be willing to send messages with a kiss to? I didn't know how to screenshot but I have managed to scribble down the mobile number. I really want to call it, but I just don't know how to go about it. I was thinking of maybe giving a different name and saying I'm from the local water board and need to speak to xyz, and see if I can get a name that way? I'm shaking. I cannot believe he's having an affair, he's keen for another baby and we're undergoing fertility tests at the moment, I'm so hoping it's not that but why be so secretive, and why isn't there a name on the WhatsApp contact? Any thoughts on my next move? He's on Android and is tech savvy so I don't have a tracking app or anything.

Hoping she doesn't turn up tonight, I won't be answering the door.

That is bad. I think I would be very clear with her that you are hurting and needing some peace. Just in case she tries it again.

@Foundwantingalways I haven't read all the thread but chunks of it.
You are going through a shit time, I'm in a similar boat in that I've left my emotionally abuse ex. I'm pregnant with our third baby. His campaign against me has suddenly and nastily extended to our eldest child and that that for me. This week as he had left himself logged on to his email on my iPad I saw that since we have been together he has been texting and meeting his ex wife, amongst other hideous things. He claims to be too traumatised to speak to his children this weekend but the reality is thanks to his email trail I know he is in London gigging, drinking and clubbing with male friends one night and god knows who the next.

The pain is searing. But I won't sink to his level or give in, he is history and I am using everyday to work my butt off at destroying him for what he has done to us.

You and I and all the rest of us are doing the right thing, and truth be told the only thing.
Sending you a hug. We can do it 💐

lollipop I'm so sorry to hear that. What a bastard.

The pain is searing

Lollipop, what an excellent few words to describe the utter devastation and wretched distraught their deceit causes.
I'm sorry you are going through this too. I had a 5 week newborn and am still going, so it is possible!
In my view, when they are complete twunts to the kids, it makes things so much easier - your thoughts of them being loathsome shits are even more validated.
Good luck.

Lollipop hope you are doing OK today?

I have just got back from a solicitors appt, feeling quite positive after that. I hadn't realised that I had as many rights as I do, certainly to stay in our house. Ex is going to get a shock. I received a bunch of flowers this morning... He's not going to get away that cheaply, unfortunately for him.

What a bastard! Stay strong and do what's best for you and your dd.

Bunch of flowers.That'll make it all better. What a bloody Cockthistle.

Glad you feel a bit better after the solicitor-it's does help to be told what your rights are I think...

Like another PP, I've read chunks of the thread. You mentioned getting support from his family concerning childcare, no matter how much his family like you & how close you are to his sister, they will side with him & after the incident with your MIL, you'd be trying to sort things out to not include them & if you couldn't then move nearer to your family. It will be an upheaval for you & your DD, but imo you can't trust his family. Remember, he's blame for all this, he's caused all this upset, his family can see your DD when he has her, keep strong & good luck 💐

You'd be better trying to sort things out to not include them

I should've proof read before posting 😏

Queen I agree with much of your comment but I do think the bad behaviour of their son shouldn't be allowed to affect the DC's relationship with Grandparents if at all possible. If it were my DS I would be furious with his behaviour (though of course I'd love him) but would feel it were not in my DGC's best interests if seeing the DGPs were curtailed.

Everyone needs to be child centred in these things how ever much it hurts the adults, it's about inflicting as little change and pain as possible on the children IMO.

Don't allow the in laws unsupervised contact with your dd until it's all legally sorted.

They could easily refuse to return her with the excuse that Ex wants full residency.

Well, messaged ex last night with mediation details and asked him not to contact me again unless for that or dd. He's not messaged me since. I feel so crap, the thought of raising my daughter on my own has really hit home today and the thought of my future just makes my knees buckle.

I know this must seem incredibly hard right now, but I think you're better off without him, at least for now. Be strong, OP, you can do this.

It looks like a lot when you see the years stretching ahead, but just take it one day at a time and appreciate the little victories and the sweet moments with DD that each day brings.

You are going to manage this, Found. You are very capable, and you have family that can chip in. Thankfully, you are not pg.

I'm sat posting on here so I don't text him. I'm so weak

No you're not weak - keep on posting. Or find a cupboard to rearrange, or a recipe you might like to try out. It is very natural to try to find some human element in the person who has betrayed you, and to try to reclaim or recreate something of the relationship that has now been broken. It's a way of protecting yourself from the massive hurt.

You are going to go through a grieving process for what has been lost. It is part of moving on.

Thank you math

Don't be scared about being a lone parent. Honestly plenty of us do it and once you get all the logistics sorted life is quite simple. Don't let that play on your mind or make you consider a compromise with him.

Sound advice Math. I think my work put on about a stone in weight each when I was going through a horrible break up because I baked a lot of cakes and had no appetite. I also walked the dogs for miles and miles and miles. I think the dogs really enjoyed that period.

This morning, I'm getting texts telling me how much he misses my body, wants to kiss me all over etc etc. I think he may actually be on glue (love MN!). I've asked him to stop, but so far he's not taken that message on board. I just wanted to post to tell someone, I can't quite believe that he thinks I'd let him touch me ever again.

He sounds bizarre. How are you feeling of?

It's turned into full on sexting, not normally his style (well, not with me, but he's comfortable with it with the OW) and it's having the opposite effect to what's intended. I've asked him to stop three times now.

Plus, he's not very good at it. I've responded by asking him about his std test.

......Asking him about his STD test

Just dropping on to say you are amazing, and my hat is off to you!