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Original poster

Mystery WhatsApp conversation

563 replies

Foundwantingalways · 24/07/2017 07:33

My DP has been acting very very secretive with his phone, I have no other reason to suspect him of anything but the fact that he has been really weird over it and won't even leave it charging in my presence got me wondering. I have his phone password, he doesn't know. I've just checked it quickly while he was in the shower and there's a short message on WhatsApp, clearly only the latest fragment of a conversation, with a number saved in the name ' new'. There's a picture of a baby in their profile pic. There's nothing overly awful about the conversation but he's signed off a few messages with a kiss... This is not like him. One of the messages says 'night x' and before that one says. 'I always want to see pics x'. Now this could be innocent but I don't know of anyone, family or friends, who he'd be willing to send messages with a kiss to? I didn't know how to screenshot but I have managed to scribble down the mobile number. I really want to call it, but I just don't know how to go about it. I was thinking of maybe giving a different name and saying I'm from the local water board and need to speak to xyz, and see if I can get a name that way? I'm shaking. I cannot believe he's having an affair, he's keen for another baby and we're undergoing fertility tests at the moment, I'm so hoping it's not that but why be so secretive, and why isn't there a name on the WhatsApp contact? Any thoughts on my next move? He's on Android and is tech savvy so I don't have a tracking app or anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Foundwantingalways · 03/08/2017 09:25

Thanks all. I have cancelled the meet up with him, even though it's a week away I know I can't do it yet. He's now trying a different tack and saying he's doing everything to put it right (his two examples were living at his parents, and working around me) but he loses every time because I'm angry at him. he is minimising this already, it's only been just over a week and I'm unreasonable because I'm still angry.

OP posts:
Original poster
Foundwantingalways · 03/08/2017 09:27

Arsehole. I'd certainly like to tear him a new one right now.

OP posts:
Ringonrighthand · 03/08/2017 09:31

I feel for you, it's so horrible, you are doing well. Flowers

With regards to access, my daughter was 4 when myself and partner split last summer, we do one overnight stay each weekend and a couple of hours in the week. Dont feel like you have to do every other weekend for the full weekend because that's the "norm", if it's too long for you/your daughter to be apart from each other it will be detrimental. We have kept this arrangement for a year and no intention of changing it. There have been some challenges along the way of course but it works for us and over time I've learned to value the night off I have and do my own thing and get very excited to see her again the next day.

Good luck, keep strong :)

Graphista · 03/08/2017 10:03

Yes my dd was v small when me and ex split and we didn't do overnights straight away. He wanted to but I put my foot down it would have unsettled her too much.

Mix56 · 03/08/2017 10:14

I would say 15 months of fucking someone else takes more than 7 days to get over. If I get over it ( & I won't) it will be at my speed & on my agenda so fuck off

Minime85 · 03/08/2017 10:36

I would just be very factual that you are not going to reconcile. That this betrayal is too much of one for you. You are willing and happy to facilitate a relationship between him and his daughter as co parenting is the best for her at this stage. You don't need to make any full on decisions yet. I would try and put something more routine and secure for DD in place as soon as you can. Each day takes you a small step closer to your new future. I always say I'll never get over the break up of my family unit but god I'm happier now than I was then. You will be too.

Questioningeverything · 03/08/2017 16:57

What mix said! 15months of fucking someone else and you're supposed to bend over for him because he's 'being nice'?!!! You're supposed to lose the anger over what he's done??

He's not just cheated on you. Imo he's stolen from you too. Your hopes and dreams of the family life together, possibly another child. He's stolen your security and your happiness. Fuck him, fuck him up the arse with a rusty fork. Fucking scumbag.

God I'm so angry for you

nigelsbigface · 04/08/2017 12:56

He has had a lot more time to get used to the idea of what he's been doing than you have. He's no right to tell you how to feel about it...meet him when you are ready and not before...

Brenna24 · 04/08/2017 17:15

Well done. I think I would be telling him that you are not prepared to talk about anything until he stops minimising what he did and what you are going through.Make sure he understands that minimising things is going to make it worse.

As others have said he has had 15 months to get his head around this, you haven't. This may have to be pointed out to hi. That and the fact that it is a deal breaker for you, not something which can be 'fixed'. Arsehole.

Well done for being so strong and rational.

LindyHemming · 04/08/2017 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Foundwantingalways · 04/08/2017 20:22

Well, I don't know Euphemia. He says not, but he's out drinking again tonight, in the city where they usually meet, he's not taking any of this hard. My dd has been very clingy and upset this week and was especially difficult today, he asked how she was and I texted to say how much I was struggling... And he's out having a drink and a wonderful time with his mates and probably her too. I feel so angry, upset and frankly worthless. All I am to him, and all I have ever been, is a babysitter.

OP posts:
Beelzebop · 04/08/2017 21:40

I'm really sorry for all this OP, you've been so strong. Flowers

Original poster
Foundwantingalways · 04/08/2017 21:57

Well I've just had a full on rant at him via text, it's not really made me feel any better. I can't put into words how much I despise him. I'm rocking his little girl to sleep to stop her crying while he's out with his friends. Probably having a laugh at what a mug I am.

OP posts:
Brenna24 · 04/08/2017 22:06

You and your DD are suffering more now found but I guarantee you kn the years to come you will find peace and you will have something with your DD and your life that he will never have. For him the grass will always be greener somewhere else while you know how to find peace and love in what you have.

Original poster
Foundwantingalways · 04/08/2017 22:09

Thank you brenna, that helps, you've calmed me down a bit.

OP posts:
tallfox · 04/08/2017 22:14

You're twice the person he'll ever be, and ten times the parent.

Don't ever, ever forget it.

Alfiemoon1 · 04/08/2017 22:42

Op he's an arse try not to think about him or what he's doing. He's out getting pissed with his mates u are making precious memories with your dd. It his loss. Stay strong it will get easier

Original poster
Foundwantingalways · 04/08/2017 22:46

Thank you all, I honestly don't know what I'd do without the support and kindness of all of you on this thread. I feel so hopeless but you are keeping me going.

OP posts:
likebeyoncedoes · 04/08/2017 22:56

Found - I remember texting my ex when I was with a newborn baby ranting at him . I couldn't believe that I'd been left to pick up the pieces. Three years later I feel sorry for him, my son is so happy 200 miles from him and I've met a new , loving man.

Ratbagcatbag · 04/08/2017 23:21

I'm so sorry he's a complete twat.

With regards to access, my dd is 4 and me and her dad split up in March. She does alternative Friday/Saturdays at his and it works well. So this week she's with me from cm friday through to Saturday tea, and will stay with him
Sat until Sunday tea. The following week he'll pick her up Friday and drop her back Saturday tea. (He also has her two midweek nights but he genuinely is w fab dad, I just don't love him anymore!).
Like a previous poster said, don't feel you have to do every weekend/every other. There are other options.

Good luck. Xx

mathanxiety · 05/08/2017 05:15

Very glad you have the backbone to do what is right for you wrt the meeting. You are not obliged to hold to any informal agreements or arrangements you make with him. Well done.

MamaHanji · 05/08/2017 11:00

I can't even imagine what pain you must be feeling. But I would choose your position over his all day everyday.

You are fantastic. Raising your daughter and being a bloody fantastic woman and role model. You are taking no shit anymore and kicked him to the kerb for being a cheating douche and shit partner. You have had your whole life turned on its head and been left in the dark and you are STILL being a parent and a decent person!

His life is empty. Out with friends? It's empty darling. His whole life is fake and it's just a big fat joke.

Yours is horribly hard right now. But it will get better and it will be so full of purpose and joy, with your little girl.

He may be out on the piss with his mates. But in the years to come, he'll probably end up with a suspicious rash and an empty life.

You are golden Flowers

Minime85 · 05/08/2017 11:26

In the years and months to come your daughter will know where home is and that home=mum. We keep going in spite of their behaviour. We give them the solid stable ground they need. It does get better. I promise. Flowers

Original poster
Foundwantingalways · 05/08/2017 22:31

Oddest thing, I went out for an hour tonight to see my friend whose birthday it is, not long after I'd left the Mil turned up at my house under the pretext of being worried about me, said she'd been texting and I hadnt replied? Got the shock of her life I think that my dad was here looking after dd. She said to my dad that she'd wondered who was looking after my daughter? Now, she didn't know I was going out, I hadn't told anyone other than my family, so wasn't that an odd thing to say? As soon as I got home, an hour after her visit, I called her on my landline to say I hadn't had any texts off her tonight and was surprised she'd come round, she was very evasive and couldn't wait to get off the phone. So, thoughts? Evidence gathering (of what I don't know, I have never and would never leave my little girl in any danger whatsoever, and certainly never alone for a second)? Or had she come to find out my intentions? She certainly wasn't 'concerned' about me, we've never been close, and anyway her attitude on the phone was evasive and minimising, she never asked how I was. Grateful for thoughts? It's really unnerved me, my dad said she didn't knock, she tried the door handle and that's what alerted him to the fact that there was someone at the door.

OP posts:
tattychicken · 05/08/2017 22:38

That's shit. Who would have told her you were going out? Sounds like she was trying to stitch you up.

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