Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Mystery WhatsApp conversation

563 replies

Foundwantingalways · 24/07/2017 07:33

My DP has been acting very very secretive with his phone, I have no other reason to suspect him of anything but the fact that he has been really weird over it and won't even leave it charging in my presence got me wondering. I have his phone password, he doesn't know. I've just checked it quickly while he was in the shower and there's a short message on WhatsApp, clearly only the latest fragment of a conversation, with a number saved in the name ' new'. There's a picture of a baby in their profile pic. There's nothing overly awful about the conversation but he's signed off a few messages with a kiss... This is not like him. One of the messages says 'night x' and before that one says. 'I always want to see pics x'. Now this could be innocent but I don't know of anyone, family or friends, who he'd be willing to send messages with a kiss to? I didn't know how to screenshot but I have managed to scribble down the mobile number. I really want to call it, but I just don't know how to go about it. I was thinking of maybe giving a different name and saying I'm from the local water board and need to speak to xyz, and see if I can get a name that way? I'm shaking. I cannot believe he's having an affair, he's keen for another baby and we're undergoing fertility tests at the moment, I'm so hoping it's not that but why be so secretive, and why isn't there a name on the WhatsApp contact? Any thoughts on my next move? He's on Android and is tech savvy so I don't have a tracking app or anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Foundwantingalways · 05/08/2017 22:48

That's just it, literally my dm and df knew, and my two friends who were there, no one else. So she can't have known unless she saw me leaving? She wouldn't have been Sat outside my house on the off-chance, surely, I hardly ever go out so I wasn't a safe bet on that. So, logically, I'm thinking she was coming here not to see how I am but to try to find out what I am planning to do.

OP posts:
WTAAF · 05/08/2017 23:58

Do you have any 'find my phone' or othe phone tracking apps on your phone?

Original poster
Foundwantingalways · 06/08/2017 00:27

No, don't think so? My location is never turned on?

OP posts:
another20 · 06/08/2017 00:35

We have an ipad that foe some reason shows all texts going out from my phone. Dont know how to change it. A friend also has an ipad that her ex left behind which shows all his texts to his new partner.

Could something like this have happened? He might know everything that is going from your phone? Or everything that is typed on your keyboard - be careful.

itsmetree · 06/08/2017 00:50

Do you have an iPhone? It may be linked to his? Go into message settings and turn off the email address on it.

Maelstrop · 06/08/2017 00:54

At your house? Thought you were staying with your mum?

Maelstrop · 06/08/2017 00:56

Omg, ignore me, entirely wrong thread! Sorry Blush

taylea86 · 06/08/2017 01:15

i would search the number online, or even type it into your phone to see if you already have the number saved. The picture could be a decoy.

Then I'd probably ask someone else to ring it and see what they can get out of them. You might get the VM and they've personalized it so you'd get the name that way without having to speak to them.

mathanxiety · 06/08/2017 03:26

Wrong thread there Taylea?

OP, my guess is a keylogger or a tracking device on your car (if you took your car). Or a link between your iPad and phone.

The MIL was probably sent around to collect some of ex's stuff or to snoop.

Mix56 · 06/08/2017 07:25

It is possible he can read your messages, your phone is linked to his iPad... (you can go into settings & deconnect/) or joint iCloud?
If he can, after your rant text, he thought I'm going to see who's in MY house, looking after MY daughter, & sent Mummy.
Ammunition for custody..... "she goes out & leaves DD with any old teenager...."
or it was just chance, MIL, wanted to come & see what was "going on", give you the "you are ruining this little girl's life" talk & because your Dad was there, decided to change tack
remember XP will not have told her the truth, he will say you threw him out,

Counterpane · 06/08/2017 07:35

How was the meeting with your friend arranged? It looks like your Ex has got access to whichever device you used.

I'm not very tech-savvy so I don't know whether a new sim would solve the problem but it would be worth a try. In any case, a new number might be a good thing - just use the old one for communicating with him.

When you say she was trying the door handle, is it usually unlocked or does she have keys? Can you change the lock or get a new one fitted so his family don't have free access to your home? They have now shown whose side they are on and it isn't yours, if you were in any doubt.

Minime85 · 06/08/2017 08:44

I think that sounds very bizarre. Why would she just try when door handle? What has it got to do with her who is looking after your daughter? Maybe ex is watching your messages? Not sure how this is done but know it can be. I'd seriously consider a new phone. I would consider asking her why she came over and if she wants to see DD then it needs to be done by contacting you first.

Skylark678 · 06/08/2017 09:07

If you have an iPhone it definitely sounds like your being "watched" so to be speak.

Check out if your iTunes and iCloud are connected.

Also, there is an app that appeared a while ago with an update called find friends, again if your connected by iTunes or iCloud, it will show your location.

Hope you get it sorted

Original poster
Foundwantingalways · 06/08/2017 09:18

I am on android and so is ex, neither of us have any apple tech. It was probably just a coincidence she timed it like that, but just such an odd thing to say, I can only think she got so flustered when she saw my df she just came out with any old rubbish. Having not slept on it's, I really do think she was coming here to persuade /bully me into taking him back. I imagine they don't want him at theirs for much longer, and they're very money orientated so they are more than likely worried that he'll be paying out for the house while not living her, and potentially I may get to stay in it til dd is 18. Solicitor tomorrow will hopefully tell me more. Ex still wants to talk... I have told him so many times there is nothing to say that I'm getting bored.

OP posts:
Minime85 · 06/08/2017 09:41

Is house in both your names? If can take someone with you to listen to what solicitor says just as another pair of ears. If you can take rough ideas of house value, both your wages, pensions, who paid in what to deposit in house etc.

ElspethFlashman · 06/08/2017 09:45

Or it could be that she was coming over for an argy bargy and had to make up a story on the spot for your Dad that looked less aggressive.

ProfessorBranestawm · 06/08/2017 10:28

Yes I think you are probably right about why MIL was there. Is he a mummy's boy as well as a cheating cunt Hmm

Mix56 · 06/08/2017 10:38

I think you are right then re MIL, she wanted to bully you into letting him come back.
Good re solicitor, good idea to take another person. You need to make a list of questions to ask today.
also TAKE NOTES, or record if s/he is OK with it. Because you will not remember it all. & you may get more upset than you bargain for.
I'm sure you won't, but don't take your DD, she will distract, & you need to concentrate.
Tell your Tosser of XP, that the only thing that needs discussing is contact with DD, & propose what suits you at this time.(not that he was bothered about her well being when he was fucking OW for 15 months) & that the house needs selling & any equity split 50/50. end of.

WhateverNameIsStillAvailable · 06/08/2017 10:49

Make sure to keep your doors locked!!!
The most worrying thing here is that she tried to come into the house without letting you know! Or does she have a key and tried to get in to get some things while you were out? Maybe she seen you go out and wanted to let herself in to get some stuff for him or papers.
I find it creepy.
Get your locks changed 😰

Mix56 · 06/08/2017 10:54

You cannot change the locks, the house is in his, or joint names. he is legally allowed access. You can however leave the key in the lock when you are in, put chain on etc.

UmbrellasKeepFallingOnMyHead · 06/08/2017 10:56

OP
Do you have WhatsApp? You can put someones WhatsApp on your PC/tablet. All you need to do is grab the phone for a few seconds and read a barcode if it.
I did it for DP so I could run his business stuff whilst he was away.

happypoobum · 06/08/2017 11:24

Stay strong OP - he is a selfish fucker and you are well rid of him.

Agree EOW and one night during the week is usual and ILS can see DD during that time. Stay where you are for now - it's less upheaval for DD.

See what the solicitor says and then consider your options. Flowers

RedastheRose · 06/08/2017 11:55

Ask the solicitor for a list of everything you need to get sorted out. Really helps you think straight if you have a plan of action as it were. I am 14 months on from separating and I am truly glad that I no longer have to live with him and he is her problem now not mine. Keep going, it's hard and it takes time but you will get through it.

Bedraggledmumoftwo · 06/08/2017 12:36

Mil visit sounds highly suspicious. Do you have any contact with her normally. I'm wondering if you could send her a message that makes the situation clear (in case he has lied/minimised) and say that you are very fragile and please could she contact you before dropping round unnanounced?

Timing and trying the door sound very suspicious though. Accounts can be linked and duplicated so it is very possible that he has access to your messages. My cheating h has deliberately set it up so that all his messages and what's apps come through to his old iPad here. In that he essentially wants me to spy on him to prove himself. Although I don't have the energy and know that if he actually wanted to get away with it he could just get another phone. And actually there are electronic spy packages online that can tap your phone. Mostly aimed at parents checking up on teenagers but there is every possibility he is using something like that.

nigelsbigface · 06/08/2017 12:57

I'd be pissed off at her trying the door in normal circumstances but given what's happened I'd be livid.
I wonder what he's told her to have her be checking up on you-stranger things have happened than the cheater telling his family and friends that he has left due to his wife having an affair-they seem to like to try and get the sympathy any which way sometimes-even when it's utter bullshit.