30 days no contact

[Songbird86]

Hi all!

Just want to share this because it might be helpful to some of you also experiencing a break up. I have nearly completed 30 days no contact post-break up. (I didn't even know this was a thing until I frantically Googled "how to get your ex back" the minute we'd split)

Not texting or calling him to beg and plead, say "I miss you" and "let's make this work" has, for the first time, left me with my dignity in tact. I gracefully bowed out. And whilst I think of him almost 24 hours a day, I don't act on it. I miss him, but have realised through this process that we were not right for each other and I was hanging onto what the relationship could have been, not what it actually was.

I kept a journal of this experience over the past month and what a ride it's been. It's been really tough to say the least but I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Next 30 days: here I come!

I recommend no contacting for anyone struggling with a break up, no matter which if you ended it.
Xx

No one tells someone they have been seeing and they know has feelings for them that they fancy someone else and know that person is interested for ANY reason other than to cause pain and feel powerful. That's all, honestly. It says nothing else at all. and the one thing it 100% says is absolutely nothing about you.

Really you don't want to be with someone who willingly doles out pain and requires power over you to feel good about themselves. There is no chance of happiness with a man like this.

I know it's so so so painful. But there is no shame in caring about someone and no shame in wanting to be close to them. There is no shame in struggling to accept it either. This is not your shame - even if you are dying inside right now - it really isn't.

DancingGoose - thank you. That made me cry. I re read it several times. I think I needed to hear it.

I'm right there with you Grublets

I'm on day 3 and struggling. I am waking up feeling anxious and panicky and so am taking Valium from the dr. I have blocked him on WhatsApp but he keeps unblocking me as I can see his pic and I'm tempted to unblock. This is so hard 😔

Maybe turn your whatsapp settings so that he can't see what you're up to and you can't see what he's up to. I've done that and find it much easier

Well today is my day one anyway. I'm already struggling. Hurt that he didn't check to see I got home ok last night. And I know I won't be hearing from him. Have cried three times already. I feel sick. I'm so scared for the future. How I'm going to face him in work. Face her. Face everyone.

Personally I would feel sorry for her that she's going to get involved with such a twat
And you should feel relieved you got rid of such a twat

Hold head high, and fake it till you make it

Totally agree with gin, feel sorry for her because she is about to get treated like shit. You know yourself it's not a healthy relationship and is damaging to your self-esteem - I think him ending things has taken away some of the control and is making you feel worse. He is so not worthy of your tears.

Backtoblack - don't unblock. Change your settings so you can't see his last seen.

Thank you and I know you are right. He comes across very well on paper so I'm sure she'll be happy for a while at least. Very good looking, good job, own house etc. I do know that fundamentally he will not change and he will be the same person with her as he was with me. I know that he bores easily and moves on to the next person without a care. He told me he has always been like that and I know it to be true from the things I know about his previous relationships.
Sadly I'm torturing myself about why her? Why wasn't I good enough. I tried my very best for him.
Have realised that after leaving upset last night I left my stuff there. I'm not honestly bothered about getting it back but don't know if to make contact telling him to bin it? Or wait for him to contact me about it? If he does do I reply?

If you don't need the stuff and can be easily replaced just leave it, don't contact. Stop worrying about him, he's clearly moved on and he wasn't the one for you. Have a really good cry today, tomorrow is a new day and you will start to feel less upset but more determined to sort yourself out and start thinking about yourself. I'm going through the same thing and I'm on day 5 of no contact, it's hard but I'm determined to get on with my life. I've thrown all his stuff and started cleaning my house from top to bottom to keep myself busy.

I think the hope is that after the 30 days you've ideally healed enough not to need to make the call. I cannot imagine being anywhere close to that though. I'm still on day one. And that has been agony. I imagine the sadness will only get worse as day after day goes by and he doesn't bother to contact me either.

Yes the point (I hope) is that you feel strong enough not to contact
Do another 30 after 30

Failed miserably on my first day of no contact when I accidentally pressed call while deleting messages. I managed to hang up before he answered but then I messaged him to say I'm sorry I accidentally called you. He replied asking a general question probably just to check he still had me dangling on his hook and like a fool I replied back. So now day one begins again and it still hurts just as much.

Oh grublets. Sorry.
Start from fresh, try and do 7 days maybe.
I'm on day 5 and feeling a little better, though my thoughts are basically 24/7 about him
It has to get easier, it cannot stay thisbad forever

On day 3 here. I'm the one who's initiated nc and basically told him to stop texting. He is blocked on everything else and has been for about 14 days - and I haven't unblocked in that time. Can't fully block on my phone, his texts go to a different place to my inbox and so I still get them. Last msg was me asking again for him to leave me alone. So far so good. It's the 3rd time I've asked maybe and his responses have ranged from downright nasty accusations judging me by his own disgusting standards to begging for help to 'change' all designed to hook me in and has worked each time, because I've engaged. So far I've managed to not text him and he's not text me, it's only 3 days though. Seems so much longer and I never thought it'd be this hard. Keep slogging away OP and the rest of us on this thread. We're all doing well, because if you're anything like me he's on my mind constantly.

How's everyone doing today.
I had contact about work but have managed to answer the question civilly and not get into anything about us.
Which is a first for me.
Though deep down I feel sad that he's not pushing for contact which i know is utterly MAD

Hello, just catching up on the thread. This interests me as I've been NC with an ex bf/ fwb/ friend for 22 days now. I got to the point where his excess drinking/ boosting about money/ sarcastic jibes where getting me down and decided enough was enough. I'm not missing him at all.

Hi everyone I'm back, well I don't know where to start it all went horribly wrong with me! Ex reacted very badly to minimal contact came and found me at a friends house pulled me around and hit me in the head! I'm still in shock about it I've cried all weekend. I had to get the police involved! I'm in a bit of a state and NC resumes!!

Jesus numb you have to get away from that man. It will escalate.
Your friends have to be on board with this
That's very scary and I hope you're ok
Sending you

Oh god numb this sounds awful. Are the Police going to slap an injunction on him to stay away from you? I bloody hope so, the bastard. Hope you're ok

It actually got a lot worse but I'm embarrassed to admit it and don't want to out myself.
To be honest I feel numb and a bit shook up they told me I'm probably in shock. I haven't got any support in real life really except my mum and she's been helping with the kids because I'm in a bit of pain. Women's aid have been really supportive and given some great advice though.
Need now more than ever though to do my 30 days!

Oh and the police have basically said it's my word against his because my friends didn't see it and he is denying it

Are you injured
Do you have photographs if so