30 days no contact

[Songbird86]

Hi all!

Just want to share this because it might be helpful to some of you also experiencing a break up. I have nearly completed 30 days no contact post-break up. (I didn't even know this was a thing until I frantically Googled "how to get your ex back" the minute we'd split)

Not texting or calling him to beg and plead, say "I miss you" and "let's make this work" has, for the first time, left me with my dignity in tact. I gracefully bowed out. And whilst I think of him almost 24 hours a day, I don't act on it. I miss him, but have realised through this process that we were not right for each other and I was hanging onto what the relationship could have been, not what it actually was.

I kept a journal of this experience over the past month and what a ride it's been. It's been really tough to say the least but I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Next 30 days: here I come!

I recommend no contacting for anyone struggling with a break up, no matter which if you ended it.
Xx

Day one again for me
I think I might start with smaller goals
See if I can do 7 days
It's like wanting to lose 30lbs it just feels so much harder
Maybe I will try and lose 7lbs too!!

I caved after 86 days NC and slept with him after bumping into him on a night out. So annoyed with myself; I'd avoided stalking his social media, not engaged at all, even managed to put him out of my mind for hours at a time and only a cry a couple of times a week instead of every day. Back to square one now; I know I have an event coming up soon where I'll definitely see him, but will start again from day one again after that.

Booked to take the kids away. Hopefully be easier not to contact him being away from the memories

Told H last night no contact for two weeks....this means he won't see DS but he goes two weeks without seeing his other two kids. He can't see how it will help but at the moment I'm not strong enough to see/speak to him. I was a crying wreck yesterday and thats because I have to deal with him. Two weeks is nothing and DS will be fine as he's use to long periods of NC. He sent a text saying he'll call me today . I didn't answer and won't if he calls.

Also, I'm doing this because DS doesn't deserve a jibbering wreck of a mother.

How's everyone doing
Numb are you ok. Been reading your other thread
Got through the day, but bought 2 pairs of shoes. Some shiny silver ones too!!
Feel a bit better for that.
Haven't cried so that's a positive

6 weeks and I still feel so sad. It was only six months, we met on-line and he lives 1/2 hr away we will never just bump into each other, I will never see him again which is horrible, we never had a cross word he just decided he didn't want a relationship 😭

Wow this is really helping me! I've been ghosted and he didn't have the guts to tell me so it's been tough to not message and ask WHY? I'm only on day 2! Hope I can make it!

Ginlovinglady thank you for thinking of me I really appreciate it, I hope it's getting easier for you but I'm really struggling! Back on day one but am more determined than ever to do this for my own sanity.
Hope everyone is coping well with it.

Ellen, I was ghosted and it is very tempting to ask why but I think you maintain your self respect by going along with their ghosting, I think sometimes they're expecting some chasing for their ego.

Ghosting ...
the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

The ghosting thing is such shitty behaviour. It's sad we have got to the point where some of us feel we cannot legitimately ask for an explanation why someone has just 'disappeared', without seeing it as just a horrible game play designed to stroke their ego.

However, I cant understand why it has become the thing it has? Asking for a reason is the normal thing to do when a relationship ends and I can't understand why doing this has now become something which might affect our dignity or self esteem?

Ghosting is so shitty
And cowardly, the only thing you can take from it, is that person really doesn't deserve to have you in their life.

Had a really bad day yesterday. Got very upset and emailed. Now just feel pathetic again. It's just madness that I'm a grown woman and I am behaving like this
All the mixed messages over time have just left me feeling like a crazy person. I would never in the past let someone make me behave like this.
I've just got to come to terms with the fact he doesn't want to be with me, and the bits of carrot he dangles everynow and again are not real love.
So day one again for me.
I need to come on here and vent before I press send on a text or email.

I tried to have no contact for the last few weeks. I only answered texts with questions about our child and then out of the blue I got a text asking if I was ok. He hasn't asked if 'I'm ok' in probably 9 months and definitely hasn't shown any care since he left to be with his OW. I don't answer because I don't even have the words to answer the question and I'm not even sure why he was asking. Today I had several messages about making formal arrangements for him taking our child to his new home and to meet the OW. I don't think this is the right time and have never stopped him seeing our child but I think it is too soon for introductions. Anyway he didn't take to it too kindly and has turned nasty. I feel because I haven't replied to texts and when I do the are very basic, usually one worded answers he feels he has lost that control over me as usually I would text back straight away and converse with him. I feel like I'm straight back to square one as I was getting on much better with my life a few days ago.

I'm trying this 30 NC and I'm on day 3 now, I have a feeling he will contact me today as we normally do something on a Friday but I'm going to try my hardest to ignore. I've deleted him from everything, email, mobile, social media etc and I've also written a list of things he does that has brought us to this so that if I get the urge to contact, I can refer back to it. It helps me loads. I've also downloaded the No Contact App, that's helping too.
Good Luck everyone, we deserve better & we deserve to be happy.

I'm trying to do this too. Well tomorrow will
be Day one. I have to get my things back from him tonight and I'm shaking just thinking about it.
We had an fwb relationship really but he led me to believe it was more than that. That things were developing into something else. The hardest part it is that we are work colleagues. I will still have to see him though I'm signed off for the next two weeks. He has told me he would like to possibly pursue a relationship with another colleague. I can't even imagine the horror of watching that play out. Nor the embarrassment and humiliation in front of other colleagues who knew we were together.
I think the hardest part will be the loneliness and the boredom. I will miss him so much. My life has focused on him for a year. He was my bit of happiness. And I know that I'll be constantly checking my phone praying he's messaged me that he's somehow changed his mind.

You need to show him that you're not bothered at work and just collapse at home. Mine asked me on Tuesday what was wrong with me, told him and I've heard nothing since. He usually does this then I cave and contact him. Not doing this time because I've had enough of it this time.

Grublets - you need to find a hobby or something, not someone, that makes YOU happy. You cant put your happiness onto another person - its always going to end badly. Unless there are no feelings involved (apart from lust) then a FWB situation wont work.

You can do this. Just keep focused on the NC and tell yourself this guy deserves nothing from you.

Thanks. And you're right I am responsible for my own happiness and I should take control of that. Things are very difficult in general at the moment for me. I'm struggling to cope with the loss of my mum and finding it very hard to put a brave face on things for my kids. Also lots of financial troubles. He was my escape and now it feels the rug has been pulled from under me. That special thing that I had just for me has gone. I feel like I literally ache for him.

Of course however bad it feels now I know that worse is coming when I have to witness him and other colleague together. I can't even imagine the pain of that.

Ahhh grublets, you are having a rubbish time aren't you. You don't know for sure if anything is going to happen between them. Try not to overthink it as you will just torture yourself.

I know something will happen with them. Apparently she is interested and he has told me he definitely wants to pursue it. I saw him tonight to get my stuff. It was awful and degrading and I said and did things to try and make him pick me that make me ashamed. He still didn't pick me. We have had on/off again times before but always instigated by me. Because I didn't think it was a healthy relationship and his blowing hot and cold was bad for my self esteem. I've always caved and contacted him in the past. But this time it's different because it has mainly come from him.