30 days no contact

[Songbird86]

Hi all!

Just want to share this because it might be helpful to some of you also experiencing a break up. I have nearly completed 30 days no contact post-break up. (I didn't even know this was a thing until I frantically Googled "how to get your ex back" the minute we'd split)

Not texting or calling him to beg and plead, say "I miss you" and "let's make this work" has, for the first time, left me with my dignity in tact. I gracefully bowed out. And whilst I think of him almost 24 hours a day, I don't act on it. I miss him, but have realised through this process that we were not right for each other and I was hanging onto what the relationship could have been, not what it actually was.

I kept a journal of this experience over the past month and what a ride it's been. It's been really tough to say the least but I am so proud of myself for getting through this. Next 30 days: here I come!

I recommend no contacting for anyone struggling with a break up, no matter which if you ended it.
Xx

So I went to my scan, all good, I let H know and sent a few pics but only because he asked and I thought that the right thing to do. When he dropped DS home I kept is short and sweet at the door, passed him his mail and that was it. He just called, wants to chat. I didn't answer and I won't call him back......,hopefully

Well done ladies.

My relationship ended 3 weeks ago on Saturday. We have a 3 month old baby together so i have to maintain in contact with him regarding her, however i have not spoken to him otherwise. We also only communicate about our daughter via messages and i have not seen him face to face. It has really helped to start the healing process. Every other time we have broken up i have always gone back to him feeling sorry for him and accept his excuses for neglecting me, our daughter and our relationship. Usually i was the one to make the first move to get him back as he would make me feel as though his actions were my fault. Once our daughter waa bornhe began to get violet when i would mention his unacceptable behavioir. Although he never actually hit me he was close on more than one ocassion. Since no contact i have recognised my self worth again and i am starting to heal. I would recommend this to anyone going through a break up.

After this morning I've blocked twat from all text/phone communication. It's email only now for him. (Had to ask a childcare fees question that ended with him getting nasty, he's always been moody in the morning and money is a massive trigger) so now I don't have to deal with his wanting to talk in the evening or having a go in the morning.

Claire reading your post in my head I'm thinking "wow! You're better off without" yet here I am with a twat with a criminal record for DV against me and I'm thinking "it's not that bad" . It's so heard when you're the one in it but it sound like you've drawn the line.

Total fail
Another work related email descended into me ranting and him saying "I'm not going to engage in this"
Christ wish I could take back the last 2 hours
Clearly showed him how not over it I am, even though he clearly is

I made it through day 1 after days of trying to get through day 1 I finally did it and I'm pleased with myself it hurt but I kept busy and got through it.
Ginlovinglady hope you're ok it's so much more difficult when you have to have contact with them for whatever reason. Start again tomorrow.
Have you got any plans over the weekend to keep you busy?
I haven't I need to sort something out.

I was just told I am a spiteful person and it's a side of my personality he's always tried to overlook.

Feel physically sick that someone has decided that I am basically a horrible person

Ginlovinglady

I think the push and pull of an narcissist is the hardest thing
It makes you feel like a drug addict

^^ I think this sums it up perfectly. It's hard to explain to others how it's different to getting over a normal relationship. It's like you have to cut them out of every fibre of your body.

I can't be completely NC as have DC but blocking on WattsApp and blocking calls/messages when he gets too much definitely helps.

Today has been a strong day. Other days I feel on my knees missing him so badly. But I have to remember it's only the nice bits I'm missing and illusions of what could have been. Reality is that he is shit and I was miserable. Which is why I left!

Ginlovinglady - but you know you're not a horrible or a spiteful person. I've found one of the hardest things is to understand that not everyone means what they say. I know if I say something, I mean it. Him....barrel load of shit so should be ignored. Keep going. You know it's him and not you.

I just don't understand how he can throw me aside and make out I'm such an awful human being when all I did was say how he's clearly getting on with his new life
I just don't understand and I feel like I'm not a stupid person
Don't know why this has made me feel lower than ever
Just being discarded and then made out to be such a horrible person. I don't even think I'm a horrible person.

You've said it in your own words "the push and pull of an narcissist is the hardest thing...It makes you feel like a drug addict."

It's about them maintaining control. Of you. And they know exactly which buttons to press.

Please see beyond it and remember the bigger picture and all the reasons that made you so unhappy with him as a whole.

I know
When I'm not in it I feel stronger
And then it's like being punched in the face
I know I'm a people pleaser
I know I wanted him to love me properly
So to tell me I'm spiteful and then to follow it with "I've never thought bad of you"
Just fucks with my brain.
And then I end up asking him if he's happy without me. And no reply to that at all
And my heart is pumping.
I am a fucking intelligent person who i think is good at seeing the wood for the trees with other people
But right now I just feel like the biggest failure in the world. And I just don't even want to be here anymore

So glad i found this thread

I really want to do this. But we have a 5 month old daughter. I'm desperate for him to come home. There was an incident of DA and he's not forgiven me for reporting it I keep texting to apologise. I want him home but if I could be strong enough to be on my own I could rebuild my life.

Can anyone offer advice?

Another bad day for me too
Ended up having awful argument he doesn't want me wants get on with his life alone!
No contact resumes as from now!!
Ladybird I would suggest that you go no contact with us! It's awful it's hard but it's the only way we are all going to get through this horrible time

Sorry numb
It's shit feeling that you've failed and they've made you feel like crap too.
All I know is I am trying. Yesterday I just felt like I didn't want to exist
Feeling a tiny bit better today
But not much, it knocks you for six

Ladybird you definitely should join us properly
He knows you're desperate. He will play you as long as you let him.

Done 90 days. So utterly proud of myself. Never ever thought I would do it and survive intact. I have come out a better, changed, peaceful and happier person. Yes I think of them all the time, and actually time permits the happier memories to come through which is hard, but the resolve is as strong as ever, and thank God I did it. I was breaking to pieces whilst under the spell of the dysfunctional FWB set up we had. It's also opened me up to other people, activities and my life is much fuller. I have even dealt with the deliberate blanking of me he has instigated on social media without tears or too much upset. Dignified, in control, and at all times, loving myself first. Onwards.

How are all the people who have to have contact with them for whatever reason, for me it's the kids, coping with this? How do you do it? It's so difficult. I want to do it I really do but I can't

Numb
Can you set up a different email address for kid contact only
Then just look at it once a day?
Or even ask a parent or friend to be an intermediary

And well done mumandsome
We all aim to be where you are! Thanks for your encouraging words

I think I will have to because he just texts 3 or 4 times a day asking how the kids are! Winds me up.

It's probably a good idea. Try and block the number and then email only. I know it's harder for those of you with kids

Ok back to day one! I can do this!