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Original poster

Really like him, but not sure what to make of him. Hardwork?!

164 replies

Givemewine00 · 13/07/2017 13:41

Don't want to drip feed but will try to make as short as possible.

Separated with DH around 5 months ago and recently started divorce proceedings. We still live in the same house at the moment as we have DC.

About 4 months ago, I met someone on a dating site, only joined really to see what was out there. We got on really well and met a few times. Two months ago, we had sex at mine, which obviously I share with STBXH, whilst STBXH was away. Probably not the nicest thing to do, but then I'm free to see whom I choose.

However since then OM has been blowing hot and cold on me, saying it didn't feel right, so I ended it. He came back after a week telling me who much he likes me and I do like him.

But here is the strange bit that I just can't get my head around and maybe a man will comment and give me a male prospective on this?

I'm not allowed to go to his place, says it's because he has to really trust me first??

We have arranged to meet several times and he has let me down.

He doesn't seem interested in coming to mine for sex when STBXH is away. Yet we're always sexting and he says how much he wants me.

He says when I'm finally in my own place he'll be round all the time??

I like him too much to walk away. I have accused him of being a player and he assures me he's not a player and I am the only one?

OP posts:
Queenofthedrivensnow · 13/07/2017 13:49

He's married is my gut reaction

Finola1step · 13/07/2017 13:51

Married. Or living with gf. Or living at home with mum and dad.

noego · 13/07/2017 13:52

He's a player. Going round to his shouldn't be an issue. Single guys have there own place for a reason and that reason is to take girls back to. You are maybe a bit naïve and only 5 months out of an LTR. Its all very flattering. Watch your step.

pinkyredrose · 13/07/2017 13:53

he's married.

Ropsleybunny · 13/07/2017 13:53

I'm not allowed to go to his place

Massive red flag, run for the hills.

ladystarkers · 13/07/2017 13:53

Hes in a relationship and not with you. Even without that Run fast!

user1495915742 · 13/07/2017 13:56

He has to trust you first? Oh yeah, ha ha ha ha! When did that stop a single bloke from having relations?

He lives with someone. Why else wouldn't you be able to go to his?

I'd get rid. He sounds like a liar and a cheat. Not the basis for a great relationship.

chowmeinchick · 13/07/2017 14:01

He's got a girlfriend, and it's not you.

Adora10 · 13/07/2017 14:02

Get some self respect OP, he's treating you like crap and you are only dating; he's either married, living with someone or is playing the field.

Why are you accepting such crap behaviour, he's carrying it on because you're still there accepting it.

Justhadmyhaircut · 13/07/2017 14:03

Either a dw /gf /dm at home!!

SpeckleDust · 13/07/2017 14:04

Do you know where he lives? Would he mind you 'popping round'?

Ragwort · 13/07/2017 14:05

I like him too much to walk away. Hmm

What exactly do you like about a man who clearly has no respect for you, lets you down when you have planned a date, and only seems to want to send you 'sexts'.

Ditch him immediately - he is obviously using you.

towelpintpeanuts · 13/07/2017 14:06

So, he trusts you enough to shag you, but not enough to show you his soft funsishings... ?! Dump.

AllT0rque · 13/07/2017 14:07

I think a bit of stalking research is definitely required here. Do you even know where he lives?

Original poster
Givemewine00 · 13/07/2017 14:08

Speckle, I do know where he lives. I'm tempted to go spying.

OP posts:
Admirablenelson · 13/07/2017 14:08

"not allowed to go to his place"? How ridiculous and odd. You should steer well clear.

AlessandroVasectomi · 13/07/2017 14:10

If you know where he lives, try scoping it out. Drive past a few times and see what you can find. More than one car in the drive? Another person entering/ exiting the property?

wherearemymarbles · 13/07/2017 14:13

Hes Either Married/Cohabiting, lives with parents or lives in a squat.

Its a bit odd which ever way you dice it. 1st person after your marriage, dont over invest and move on would be my advise.

Ragwort · 13/07/2017 14:13

Why bother to sneak around this loser? It doesn't matter whether he is married/has a girlfriend/boyfriend whatever - he is not treating you with respect or kindness - as Adora says, work on improving your self esteem so that you don't put up with this sort of crap from anyone.

How would you feel if you had a daughter and she was treated like this?

chowmeinchick · 13/07/2017 14:13

Please wipe mug off your face.

Original poster
Givemewine00 · 13/07/2017 14:16

He told me that he used to be a player in the past and he had women showing up at his place telling him they were pregnant when they weren't and causing him trouble. And apparently because we've had our ups and downs that he thinks I will cause him trouble if it ended???

He has told me where he lives. I've asked him several times if he's single and he assures me he is. Surely if he was attached he wouldn't tell me where he lives?

Am I being really stupid??

OP posts:
CalmItKermitt · 13/07/2017 14:18

Pop round for a cuppa one evening.

Ragwort · 13/07/2017 14:18

Am I being really stupid??

Yes.

Adora10 · 13/07/2017 14:19

Fraid so, yes, 100%, you need to raise your bar OP, regardless of if he's married etc, he's treating you like a piece of shit and a piece of meat.

dailydance · 13/07/2017 14:20

He's married or living with his gf

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