Really like him, but not sure what to make of him. Hardwork?!

[Givemewine00]

Don't want to drip feed but will try to make as short as possible.

Separated with DH around 5 months ago and recently started divorce proceedings. We still live in the same house at the moment as we have DC.

About 4 months ago, I met someone on a dating site, only joined really to see what was out there. We got on really well and met a few times. Two months ago, we had sex at mine, which obviously I share with STBXH, whilst STBXH was away. Probably not the nicest thing to do, but then I'm free to see whom I choose.

However since then OM has been blowing hot and cold on me, saying it didn't feel right, so I ended it. He came back after a week telling me who much he likes me and I do like him.

But here is the strange bit that I just can't get my head around and maybe a man will comment and give me a male prospective on this?

I'm not allowed to go to his place, says it's because he has to really trust me first??

We have arranged to meet several times and he has let me down.

He doesn't seem interested in coming to mine for sex when STBXH is away. Yet we're always sexting and he says how much he wants me.

He says when I'm finally in my own place he'll be round all the time??

I like him too much to walk away. I have accused him of being a player and he assures me he's not a player and I am the only one?

Been there done that. He sounds exactly like a guy I worked with and had a brief, horrible experience with. Turned out that he was an inadequate sexual predator who lived next door to his mum. Tried it on with the most his female colleagues, including some very young, junior staff.
Horrible man. Horrible behaviour - covered up by lots of claims to be 'shy' and constantly saying sorry after he carried on harrassing me with sexts. He is still trying via another social media site a whole 18 months after I blocked his number and him on another site.
Run, run for the hills!

um
let's imagine for a minute it's not marriage and it's actually what he said - he was a player in the past and has had women claiming to be pregnant etc (!)

Why would you want to get involved with someone who is apparently capable of attracting a bunch of bizarre problems anyway? What's the attraction?

thing is some people really love drama. I am not one of them and I won't even make friends with someone who loves all the crazy drama. He sounds like he could be one of those, even if he isn't married.

Doh, got a name wrong, teach me for not wearing my glasses.

It's a male and female living with him. Well I presume they all live together if on the register.

They're not on Fb so assuming it's parents as elderly people don't tend to be on?

I'm just gonna bloody ask him outright or I can pay £15 for details from that site.

He doesn't sound worth the £15 you're gonna pay to find out.

Ask him straight up, if he acts weird you'll know straight away. He doesn't sound the greatest.

See if there's this much mystery, hassle with having to sneak about to find things out about him after four months when he keeps cancelling etc and has all these rules Is it really even worth it?

I'd have dropped him as soon as he told me I couldn't go to his house.

Odds on it's his parents then. I can imagine why someone would be a little coy about it but not for this long. Doesn't explain him not coming to your house though.

well lots of people aren't on Facebook!

You could pay £15 but what you find out - I think - is whoever is registered as living there officially. That might include a wife, it might be a sister, a parent....but the point is, why does he need to hide it from you if he lives with anyone other than a wife or girlfriend?

none of it makes sense. if you cba with all this you could ask him but will you be able to trust what he says? it's too long for someone to be embarrassed to say they live with their folks.

What kind of work prohibits you from being on Facebook?

As a PP said

"Odds on it's his parents then"

Stop wasting your time with this pound shop playboy and give your head a wobble.

If I pay does it tell me what relation they are to each other.

Painting, he's not prohibited just chooses not to use it because he's a cop.

Legend "pound shop playboy"

wow, I haven't been to the pound shop for a while, sounds like I missed important developments

OP - I didn't know that. But it can't differentiate between friends and partners unless they are married.

would it really say "Parent" though? How interesting. I'm surprised more people don't opt out of this.

Text him and say you are outside.

he's married or in a relationship already.

I'm just gonna bloody ask him outright or I can pay £15 for details from that site

I don't want to be gratuitously rude - but you sound really desperate. The man's obviously a twat. Find more respect for yourself, is my advice.

Save your £15 for some self help books on self love and respect!

So what if he isn't married: he's not treating you well, so not worth your time or energy.

Maybe he lives with his parents and doesn't want to admit that. Maybe it's a house share. Could be anything!

Just ask him!

Also, join the dating thread on here. Lots of support there for online and 'normal' dating.

For goodness sake save your money for something worth £15.

He is holding you at arms length.
He ended it them restarted it to keep you off balance and keep you keen

He won't take you to His place- he isn't prepared for anyone to know about you, charming.

He makes arrangements and let's you down - disrespectful and pathetic.

Give me one good reason why you are putting up with this shit from the first guy who comes along after your marriage breaks up?

Wait for someone who actually likes you, and considers your feelings and respects you. Not someone who is Definatelty playing you on a hook and line.

Lots of people don't use Facebook (I don't) - but that is not the issue here.

He is treating you disrespectfully, do you have so little self esteem that you are prepared to accept this?

Do what everyone on this thread has said and ditch him.

I think when you consider paying £15 to find out some basic information about a man who has had his penis inside you, the relationship is dead in the water.

He is definitely, definitely married. He does have FB, he just says he doesn't because you'd realise he was married.

Sounds exactly like a guy I dated a few years ago. Turned out to be married.

Used exactly the same lines so if yours is called James then PM me

Maybe he's the same guy I was briefly dating. He did exactly the same thing. I met him online, he repeatedly let me down, I never went back to his home and he was a policeman. I last saw him 5 months ago and he eventually ghosted me 3 months ago. Interesting coincidence.

OP if you want to look up the other two names out of curiosity, then fine...but don't waste your time doing it to try and determine if it relates to how he's treating you. The reason he is treating you like crap shouldn't matter. You need to raise your standards and not tolerate someone who keeps flaking out on arrangements and making excuses as to why you can't come over instead of just being honest.

Dump him and move on. I'm coming from a perspective where I did minimize disrespectful treatment and then married that loser. Biggest regret of my life. I am free of him now but I wish I had Mumsnet back then to help me recognize that I should not have ignored the signs and that I am worth so much better. You are too. Don't be with someone like this.

You've only been together for 4 months and you've already had "ups and downs"?! He's let you down a few times? You've never been to his place? This is not a great relationship and trust me (as someone who has had plenty of shit relationships and spent way too long trying to make them work), don't spend another moment trying to analyse what's going on. Just remember, the bottom line is in a good relationship you wouldn't have to post on Mumsnet to try and figure out what's going on.