Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Really like him, but not sure what to make of him. Hardwork?!

164 replies

Givemewine00 · 13/07/2017 13:41

Don't want to drip feed but will try to make as short as possible.

Separated with DH around 5 months ago and recently started divorce proceedings. We still live in the same house at the moment as we have DC.

About 4 months ago, I met someone on a dating site, only joined really to see what was out there. We got on really well and met a few times. Two months ago, we had sex at mine, which obviously I share with STBXH, whilst STBXH was away. Probably not the nicest thing to do, but then I'm free to see whom I choose.

However since then OM has been blowing hot and cold on me, saying it didn't feel right, so I ended it. He came back after a week telling me who much he likes me and I do like him.

But here is the strange bit that I just can't get my head around and maybe a man will comment and give me a male prospective on this?

I'm not allowed to go to his place, says it's because he has to really trust me first??

We have arranged to meet several times and he has let me down.

He doesn't seem interested in coming to mine for sex when STBXH is away. Yet we're always sexting and he says how much he wants me.

He says when I'm finally in my own place he'll be round all the time??

I like him too much to walk away. I have accused him of being a player and he assures me he's not a player and I am the only one?

OP posts:
Original poster
Givemewine00 · 13/07/2017 20:00

FindingJessica, that is a coincidence. Err where do you live??

Just to make it clear, it's not really a relationship, more casual sex which I was hoping would eventually turn into a relationship.

Thanks for all the advise.

I don't think he's married, he's told me where he lives which I highly doubt he would have done if he was married.

I'm just going to keep asking to go round and see how long he puts me off for.

OP posts:
FindingJessica · 13/07/2017 20:08

I've sent you a message if that's okay. The details are spookily similar.
I also asked this man if he'd been seeing anyone else and he assured me no.

BossaDad · 13/07/2017 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lostinaseaofbubbles · 13/07/2017 20:25

The moment I read it I thought he was living at home with mum and dad...

Changedname3456 · 13/07/2017 20:29

You're investing a lot in a guy you met one month after ending your marriage and you're only five months in altogether.

Way too soon to be dating, IMO, sort your head out first.

I think it's very disrespectful taking new partners back to where your stbxh is still living too. It might be your "right" to behave like that, but that doesn't mean you should.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 13/07/2017 20:31

I genuinely don't use fb. For many reasons but justly because I'm a sw and my clients will search me. I have other social
Media though.

Iglu · 13/07/2017 20:33

Is it the same guy?

Anatidae · 13/07/2017 20:37

Anyone who describes themselves as a player I wouldn't touch with a barge pole.

Run, op. Take some time to be by yourself and be happy with your own company before you get into another relationship. Unless you're totally happy by yourself you run the risk of settling for second best(or worse.)

Player... shudder.

Original poster
Givemewine00 · 13/07/2017 20:45

If he's living with mum and dad that's fine, it's the thought of a dw or gf I don't like.

IgIu, no it's not. Just another player 🙄

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 13/07/2017 20:58

It doesntatter who he is living with
Mum &dad, brother & sister. It's his behaviour that mattered. Are you so desperate to have another man in your life so soon after separating that you will go with the first man to look at you no matter how he treats you?
We're the kids there when you took this guy back?

Give yourself some time alone before you invest so much in a man.

chowmeinchick · 13/07/2017 21:03

Why are you trying to force this relationship? It's starting to seem a bit desperate.

He clearly isn't too bothered about who he's seeing, he's just happy that he's balls deep in a girl that's came running to him.

It shouldn't matter who/ where he lives with. It's how he treats you. By the sounds of it, he's actually a twat and doesn't really care about your feelings at all.

Please don't come out of a relationship and just go with the first man who pays you a bit of attention. It will end in disaster.

I know you said you wanted/where hoping for it to turn into a relationship after a while but don't settle for something like this. There is so much better so don't rush things. Do you not like the thought of being alone?

Onedaysoooon · 13/07/2017 21:08

Have you only had sex once and then not seen him since?l

hesterton · 13/07/2017 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CremeFresh · 13/07/2017 21:17

Are you sure he's even a police officer? My friend was seeing a chap who gave a very similar story only he said he worked for MI5 Hmm. She eventually went and spied on his house and saw his wife and kids going in and out .

He even took her to a plot of land once and said he'd bought it for them to build a house on Shock. Total fantasist.

Original poster
Givemewine00 · 13/07/2017 21:18

Yes just the once and not seen him since. Supposed to have met a few times but let me down. He has said before that my situation is hard to deal with.

OP posts:
Onedaysoooon · 13/07/2017 21:24

There are many threads on here where there is one-off sex then the guy disappears except in your case he is making up excuses as to why he can't see you. Bin him off.

snackarella · 13/07/2017 21:34

Do you defo know he is a policeman? I.e have you seen his uniform and could you verify his employment

Original poster
Givemewine00 · 13/07/2017 21:45

Well I've seen him in his uniform and had endless conversations with him about his job, so yes I know he's a cop.

OP posts:
Onedaysoooon · 13/07/2017 21:49

You haven't seen him for two months. I don't know why you are bothering.

chowmeinchick · 13/07/2017 23:10

OP, I don't think it matters if he's a cop or if he works in Poundland... he's a twat.

Mom2K · 13/07/2017 23:39

"I'm just going to keep asking to go round and see how long he puts me off for."

But why OP? Why are you trying to force a bad relationship? You do realize that if this man eventually does settle for you because you pushed for it that he will always treat you disrespectfully, and progressively worse, right?

This isn't good. You need to bin him. He got his sex and now he's not interested.

PickAChew · 13/07/2017 23:44

OP, I don't think it matters if he's a cop or if he works in Poundland... he's a twat.

Though if it's Sgt Kevin Salter off police Interceptors, I'm soundly disappointed! he needs escorting off the premises, like.

grungeneverdied · 13/07/2017 23:54

In a relationship for sure. I'm male, that's my opinion. No other reason to act shady. Ditch him

Willow2017 · 14/07/2017 01:18

Which part of he used you for a shag and hasn't bothered with you since is hard to understsnd?

Why are you chasing someone who hasnt bothered with you since you had sex with him?

Do you really want to be bringing strangers into the house while your kids are there just for sex? Cos that's all you were to him.

TheNaze73 · 14/07/2017 07:39

OP, I think you need to look at all the signs. He doesn't want a relationship & won't let you into his house. He's either got a partner or is playing the field.

Either way, he see's you as a cum dump & not a girlfriend.

Actions speak louder than words

Swipe left for the next trending thread