Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband on Tinder

182 replies

sunshiney78 · 12/07/2017 14:39

My single friend just informed me that she saw my husband on Tinder. I downloaded the app and can see that's he's there. We were separated for a few months a year ago. Is it possible that this is his profile from then??!!😨

OP posts:
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 13/07/2017 20:31

Well done sending the message. There was no hope that his response wouldn't be pompous.

He is relying on you backing down, because if you back down without an apology he can do what he wants forever. You will never be able to be angry or upset by his cheating, because you stayed knowing that he isn't sorry.

He has killed this relationship stone dead. It won't be easy. He may try the charm offensive when this tactic doesn't work. Don't fall for it. He has shown who he is.

He can tell you that is actions are all fine as many times as he wants, but I can't think of one woman I know who would think his actions were reasonable.

You and your dc deserve better.

PearlyPinkNails · 13/07/2017 20:41

Have you told people it's over?

He seems to think you're going to change your mind

GlitteryFluff · 13/07/2017 20:51

Just get through tomorrow and Saturday he's no excuse for not leaving. Pack his stuff if he hasn't by then and chuck him out.
Flowers

ProphetOfDoom · 13/07/2017 20:53

You don't respect or trust him - they're the bedrock of relationships.

Plus he's a total and utter cock.

Original poster
sunshiney78 · 13/07/2017 21:12

I've told my family. At work all day tomorrow so won't have to see him. I'll take DD out on Sat morning so she doesn't have to witness "the move". God knows what I'm going to tell her.
You're right Prophet, I don't respect him.

OP posts:
gingergenius · 13/07/2017 21:15

Good for you sunshiny! WineWineWine

Doublemint · 13/07/2017 22:26

Well done OP! What a pompous cheating, patronising arse.

I too, wish I could be a fly on the wall on Saturday! His face will be a picture!

DownTownAbbey · 13/07/2017 22:44

So glad you're binning this pompous git. In future you won't have to worry whether you've accidentally made yourself single by letting him know you're cross he left the milk out of the fridge.

Sherry1437 · 14/07/2017 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
sunshiney78 · 14/07/2017 14:59

His texts from today:
"She is my mum, so she is nothing other than supportive. Just told her you wanted a divorce, nothing else and I haven’t said anything negative. And I won’t.
It’s important your relationship is good with her in the future as you may need her support, so I have left it quite positive with her and Just said it’s probably for the best
Either or our feelings, arguments, events etc are private as far as I’m concerned
I hope you feel the same"
So he seems 1. Heartbroken

  1. Desperate for me not to tell his mother he was on dating sites
  2. Ugh so condescending!
OP posts:
LanaDReye · 14/07/2017 15:03

I would tell his mum in a very simple and factual way, he is right she will still support him, but she will know the truth less likely to be awkward to you .

Smeaton · 14/07/2017 15:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notapizzaeater · 14/07/2017 15:18

Bollocks to deciding who you want, he lost be high ground by being on bloody tinder

Adora10 · 14/07/2017 15:28

So he's still putting all the blame on you, the guy is unreal, what a twat, he can't even admit he's caused this.

hellsbellsmelons · 14/07/2017 15:29

Oh no!
Do NOT tell his mummy!
That would mean him admitting to being wrong to mummy dearest!
What a fucking cock he is.
Tell everyone!!!

ineedabodytransplant · 14/07/2017 15:35

Before my wide and I seperated(for different reasons than arguments), if we ever had an argument we both tried to mend fences, not go looking for a new partner or easy hook-up.

I really hope you have the strength to throw his sorry, cheating, lying, smug ass in the gutter. Tell his mother the truth. She may still take his side but at least you know it's not being hidden.

I think(I don't know for sure) but once cheaters get away with a little bit they raise the anti to see how far they can decieve someone

Good luck to you and your DD

Original poster
sunshiney78 · 14/07/2017 15:44

On one hand it grates me that he's putting the blame on me. He loves playing the victim, so I know he will do this with everyone who will listen. On the other hand, I don't care, hes not my problem anymore.

OP posts:
Adora10 · 14/07/2017 15:45

Great attitude sunshiney!

kaitlinktm · 14/07/2017 15:57

Just told her you wanted a divorce

Thereby putting the blame on you

nothing else and I haven’t said anything negative. And I won’t

That's big of him! Why is he making it sound as though he is doing you a favour here?

It’s important your relationship is good with her in the future as you may need her support

Does he think you're stupid? Why would you need her support? Your relationship with her is for you and her (?) to decide. If she is likely to take it out on you because her son behaved badly, then fuck her. She can see her DGD when her DS has access then. This is solely to stop her thinking badly of him.

our feelings, arguments, events etc are private as far as I’m concerned.

Except if people start blaming you - surely you can't be expected to lie to protect him? If asked, you will tell the truth.

I hope you feel the same
Grin Grin Grin

GeekyWombat · 14/07/2017 22:03

Good luck for tomorrow Sunshiney and well done on kicking him to the kerb.

thefourgp · 14/07/2017 22:28

Fuckyouchris' response was spot on. What a dick. I hope he moves out tomorrow. Things will be shit for a while but you'll be so much happier and content long term. Good luck Op. X

Original poster
sunshiney78 · 14/07/2017 23:03

Thanks. He's all packed ready to move tomorrow. Asked if there's anything he can do to change my mind & sent me a sad apologetic email. Then, he's gone and dyed his hair a peroxide blonde !!! I kid you not! (He's 45)

OP posts:
Original poster
sunshiney78 · 14/07/2017 23:04

Maybe blondes get more hits on tinder?

OP posts:
FuckYouLinda · 14/07/2017 23:26

Haha so pathetic! Him and his stupid hair will come crawling back soon.

You poor thing. You must be baffled at what you ever saw in him.
Well done you!!

newjobsoon · 14/07/2017 23:34

ha! What an idiot. Who does he think he is having a Brittany Spears hair moment? He's lost the plot.

Swipe left for the next trending thread