Porn - don't know how to feel

[Mum157]

So, I've just looked at the history on my husband's iPad (I know I shouldn't have!) and it shows that he was looking at a porn site last night. The only time I can think that he was doing that was when he was sorting out the BBQ and I was upstairs having a bath.

Husband has a higher sex drive then me and I know that he likes porn, but I've never really thought about him watching it much..... and certainly not when I'm just upstairs having a bath! He must of just been watching it for a bit and not 'acted on it', so to speak....

I don't have a problem with porn per se, it just looked like really cheap crap stuff. And I think that it probably creates unrealistic expectations for men to have about their partners bodies and sexual behaviour.

I don't really know how I feel about it (and I know I'm rambling); I feel a bit disappointed and yucky, but also aware that he hasn't done anything wrong and he adores me, so I probably shouldn't give it another minute's thought.

What are other people's experiences? Thoughts?

TIA x

I'm happy for DH to watch porn, just as he's happy for me to watch porn.

It's not an issue for either of us. Sometimes we just want a quick wank rather then full on sex.

Were you looking for something in particular on his history?

I am very anti-porn because those who watch it try very hard to forget the exploitation that lies behind it. That is what would worry me about OH watching it, not the fact that he enjoys being turned on.

I was a SW in a previous incarnation and know about these poor girls who get trapped into the drugs/porn/prostitution cycle.

I think you need to think very hard about what your position on porn is and then you can decide what to do; whether to discuss it with him or not, and the direction that discussion might take.

Most people are turned on my sexy images, so that is not where the problem lies. Most people know that porn is exploitative but still watch it, and that is where the problem lies.

Stoic He's been away quite a lot with work recently, so I guess I was just interested to see if he's been looking at porn while he's been away. If he had, I'd totally get it. But to look while he's BBQing and I'm upstairs for 20 mins seems weird!

But to look while he's BBQing and I'm upstairs for 20 mins seems weird!

You don't get a choice over when you're horny.

If you use porn it means that you don't care about trafficked exploited women and you don't care about women being regarded as commodities to be bought and sold.

Sorry to be harsh, but it's true.

Bertrand that's rubbish. There is plenty of porn where people are not exploited or trafficked.

So I was going to say oh porn is fine, get over it etc etc but..

A) I dont know enough about exploitation (tend to watch stuff produced by women hoping it'll help)

B) him watching porn isn't helpful if you are having other problems, if that's the case?

For anyone wanting a nicer Sunday I'd say Google "James Deen and Nicole Ray"... don't judge!

Bertrand there are quite a few production companies owned by women in the U.K. and US, with women directing - there is some safe porn out there :)

Thephoneywar - those who choose to watch porn like to think that. In my experience it is not true. In any case, if there were porn participants who are not exploited in some way, they are vastly in the minority and you do not know which you might be watching.

Such arguments are just unfounded justifications.

If you don't have a problem with it, why were you looking for it?

"Bertrand that's rubbish. There is plenty of porn where people are not exploited or trafficked."

How can you tell which is which?

I'm afraid I put people who don't watch porn in the same category as moral vegetarians. I know you mean well but...

Don't be so patronising - "mean well" indeed. I have picked up the pieces with girls who got sucked into this because they were vulnerable and poor. How dare you dismiss these poor young women! Had you met them I hope you might change your mind, but who knows maybe you might not give a toss.

I don't believe most porn IS exploitative so in honesty I don't give a toss. Looking at sexual images is quite natural and healthy for men and women.

James Deen has an appalling reputation among porn actresses.

Your snooping shows a lack of trust in the relationship. Does your DH know?

If it doesn't affect your sex life, and he isn't turning you down that night or the next if you were up for it, then I wouldn't worry about it.

Noooo what's James deen's rep? That's my favourite video :(

(In all honesty I don't watch that much porn! I just like that vid)

I think you should have an open conversation about the quality of your sex life.

Yeah, everyone went on about how cool James Deen was and he was intelligent and a feminist and it turned out he was actually a really nasty guy who had raped two of his girlfriends and really hurt several of the women he worked with.

No problem what so ever if my dp watches porn, I also watch porn and he doesn't dictate when I can watch it as well.

W h a t

Oh he can go to hell then.

What's the problem with the James Deen? Oh just a few sexual assault accusations (basically rape, he ignored 'safe words' for example). His company were also sued for failing to ensure actors had sufficient protection against stds. Really decent guy of porn! No-one will touch him. Several producers and associated companies have dropped him. Actresses won't work with him.

Sorry cross posted. There's plenty of news articles about it if you have a google