Porn - don't know how to feel

[Mum157]

So, I've just looked at the history on my husband's iPad (I know I shouldn't have!) and it shows that he was looking at a porn site last night. The only time I can think that he was doing that was when he was sorting out the BBQ and I was upstairs having a bath.

Husband has a higher sex drive then me and I know that he likes porn, but I've never really thought about him watching it much..... and certainly not when I'm just upstairs having a bath! He must of just been watching it for a bit and not 'acted on it', so to speak....

I don't have a problem with porn per se, it just looked like really cheap crap stuff. And I think that it probably creates unrealistic expectations for men to have about their partners bodies and sexual behaviour.

I don't really know how I feel about it (and I know I'm rambling); I feel a bit disappointed and yucky, but also aware that he hasn't done anything wrong and he adores me, so I probably shouldn't give it another minute's thought.

What are other people's experiences? Thoughts?

TIA x

Let me qualify that: I've not said that they're always the same. But my hunch is that there will be some considerable overlap between men who enjoy this kind of 'play' and men who go on to actually abuse girls.

There is a tenuous link to everything. Men who have sex go on to rape. Kids who bite go on to murder. Women who miscarry go on to steal babies. Ridiculous.

You could literally draw conclusions from anything.

There is absolutely no evidence to what you're saying, and professional evidence against your argument.

The Daddies in DD/LG relationships do not want sex with children. They don't fantasise about sex with children. They want a relationship with another consensual adult. How many times do I have to repeat that?

They don't fantasise about sex with children. We don't know that. All we know for sure is that they have sex with women who are dressed to look like children.

Where do you think the men who rape children come from? They don't suddenly spring to life, full of evil intent, the moment before they commit the crime. No. They're everyday men who live amongst us and allow themselves to be slowly conditioned over many years to see children as objects of sexual interest, to believe that children are there to gratify adult desires, and that the children 'want it' as much as they do. Don't you see how your 'play' feeds into this dangerous mentality?

Really am bowing out now. Don't want to continue with this discussion.

All we know for sure is that they have sex with women who are dressed to look like children.

It's a very small subset of ageplay that actually dress younger than their age, and an even smaller subset of those that do is actually sexual. For most, ageplay is about comfort, not sexual gratification.

You are free to bow out whenever you wish, but as long as you keep coming out with preposterous claims, I will keep correcting them. Your confusion and ignorance is dangerous and perpetuates further misunderstanding of ageplay.

I'm sure lots of men watch it... but I'd feel a bit gross about DH watching it.. but I'm a bit of a self confessed pride 🙈. I'd also be worried about kids finding it on iPad x

Lots of women watch porn too.

They don't role-play adults having sex with children. That's not how it works.

Explain how it works then. If daddy/little girl role play isn't based on men getting off on the idea of having sex with an underage girl, what is it based on then? Genuinely curious.

And two clicks will get you to PornHub "scared teen"......

Not exactly a niche site.

Explain how it works then.

Daddy/little girl is a type of BDSM relationship; more gentle than D/s. It can be a form of age play, but a lot of the time, littles don't regress in age. It's simply about protection and comfort, and exploring oneself.

God, paedophiles can be devious!

And this is the issue with sexual fantasies! This is why it needs to be kept secret - and many problems lie in the secrecy.

Many women have 'dubious consent' fantasises but are too ashamed to discuss it. The daddy/ little girl kink is shameful so it is kept hidden and so it can be used by paedophiles.

Shaming peoples hidden sexual fantasies - that are legal between consenting adults - helps paedophiles more.

mousse, wearing another hat I work for a service which offers men the chance to talk in detail about their sexual feelings, and how these affect their lives, relationships and self-esteem. They are heard with compassion and without judgement, also in complete confidence (assuming they do not pose a specific threat to a specific child). Such conversations can be nothing short of life-saving for men who are troubled by such feelings and, it is hoped, contribute to a wider reduction of harm.

However, the 'Daddy/Little' culture is quite different. It doesn't seek to understand these feelings, it seeks merely to revel in them. It's proponents network with others to create a self-exonerating culture. They seek to de-stigmatise sexual interest in children. Often they produce pseudo child pornography and distribute it across the Internet. None of these things helps to prevent harm, as you imply. In fact, the opposite is true.

You speak of paedophiles as though they're monstrous creatures that are 'out there'.In fact they're amongst us: otherwise ordinary men who decided to tread a certain path: indulging a certain fantasy, and then discussing it with a like-minded someone they met online, then perhaps they look at some mocked up pictures to see what it might look like, or maybe they just Google 'Daddy's little slut' and see what comes up. And so they go on, getting incrementally closer to the day they actually molest a child.

I'm appalled that anyone would consider the activities of so-called 'age-players' innocuous.

Please, anyone who thinks this is a harmless fantasy between consenting adults: consider that this is exactly how a lot of paedophilic activity begins. Remember, no one is born a paedophile: they become one. Think about how that happens.

You're just spouting more ignorance, Girlywurly. You don't understand the dynamic and that's fine, YKINMK and all that, but what you're say is incorrect, offensive and just so far from the truth.

What- you can actually get out of the relationship you're in and find one with a healthier dynamic. I do hope you do.

What- you can actually get out of the relationship you're in and find one with a healthier dynamic. I do hope you do

And that kind of judgment is why people keep things hidden, and in the dark bad things happen.

I don't have an in depth understanding of these issues as others seem to have, but from what I have read it seems that if adults are in consensual relationships that are also "safe and sane" negative judgments help no one.

We need open discussion and an attempt to understand complex sexual dynamics and motivations. The all porn is bad, most kink is bad attitude just keeps things hidden.

"And that kind of judgment is why people keep things hidden, and in the dark bad things happen."

Happy to be judgemental about some things.

Still veering from the OP I see

BertrandRussell I'm not in. Daddydom/little girl relationship

Don't know where the full stop came from; it was meant to be an 'a'.