Porn - don't know how to feel

[Mum157]

So, I've just looked at the history on my husband's iPad (I know I shouldn't have!) and it shows that he was looking at a porn site last night. The only time I can think that he was doing that was when he was sorting out the BBQ and I was upstairs having a bath.

Husband has a higher sex drive then me and I know that he likes porn, but I've never really thought about him watching it much..... and certainly not when I'm just upstairs having a bath! He must of just been watching it for a bit and not 'acted on it', so to speak....

I don't have a problem with porn per se, it just looked like really cheap crap stuff. And I think that it probably creates unrealistic expectations for men to have about their partners bodies and sexual behaviour.

I don't really know how I feel about it (and I know I'm rambling); I feel a bit disappointed and yucky, but also aware that he hasn't done anything wrong and he adores me, so I probably shouldn't give it another minute's thought.

What are other people's experiences? Thoughts?

TIA x

Thanks girly, your right, I wasn't saying that at all but just giving another side to mousse's argument....

I think everyone is derailing here into a who is right or wrong argument and as human beings are all different, we will never pinpoint that, plus, it's moving away from the OP and her problem. OP wanted advice on what to do stating her feelings clearly, she didn't want to know who is right or wrong...

Very true, mommy. And yes, the OP's thread has been pretty comprehensively hijacked...

Ps. Thanks for that link, mousse. I'll definitely have a look.

I've had two older guys who I know are the father's of teen girls ask me to call them' Daddy'. And another (also a parent of a teen girl) ask to spank my bottom with a slipper.

I hope you're not confusing Daddy/little girl relationships with incest, because they're certainly nothing of the sort. And spanking is a common dynamic in those relationships as well as BDSM and just your general kinky ones too.

Nothing wrong with either of those things.

These men find the idea of having sex with an underage daughter sexually arousing. It is what it is.

Couching it in the pseudo-babble of 'kink' doesn't make it one iota less disgusting.

These men find the idea of having sex with an underage daughter sexually arousing. It is what it is.

Couching it in the pseudo-babble of 'kink' doesn't make it one iota less disgusting.

You're confusing several things here: paedophilia, incest and daddy/little girl relationships.

*Daddy/little girl relationships have absolutely nothing to do with wanting to have sex with underage girls.

If the men you were seeing were into incest and paedophila then yes, that's an issue.

But if they were into daddy/little girl relationships, that's nothing to do with paedophilia or incest and it's exceptionally offensive to suggest otherwise.

Wake up: of course it has to do with paedophilia.

I couldn't care less about offending these people. What I, and anyone else with a scrap of sense and conscience, cares about is preventing the abuse of children.

Lollipops, pigtails, even nappies, ffs?! I'm well aware of this 'kink'.

Are you aware of how common it is for children to be abused by their fathers and stepfathers?

And you give succor to the men who indulge in these fantasies?

Wake up: of course it has to do with paedophilia

Nope. Age play is universally recognised by professional psychologists as having nothing to do with paedophilia.

Ageplay is not considered pedophilia or related to pedophilia by professional psychologists.[4]

Ageplay does not involve the sexual attraction to biologically underage people.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ageplay#Aggrawal2008

Nobody in a daddy/little girl relationship wants to be in a relationship with a child, because they are not attracted to children.

Are you aware of how common it is for children to be abused by their fathers and stepfathers?

And anyone who abuses their child is a paedophile.

But you are mixing paedophiles up with consenting adults who like to dabble in age play.

What is stopn't you being single?

Best life ever!!

Nope

How arrogant. And callous.

But then this is the same person who asked me to describe a rape, and whose only response to that description was 'fair enough'.

I sincerely hope that you're right, but fear that you are dangerously, dangerously wrong.

Girlywurly I'm closely connected to people into that. They aren't attracted to children and would be horrified anyone could possibly think that.

Daddydoms may have their own daughters, but they are not interested in them sexually or being in a relationship with them. Their own 'little girl' (partner in a relationship) is not and never will be their daughter.

Anyone who is into their daughter is into incest, or paedophilia if they're a child.

Daddydom/little girl relationships are separate. Just like other BDSM relationships, they're consensual between adults.

Nope. Age play is universally recognised by professional psychologists as having nothing to do with paedophilia.

It may be a bit like the schoolgirl dress thing. Doesn't mean that someone is literally interested in actual underaged schoolgirls, just because they'd like their partner to wear such an outfit.

These things do not necessarily have the meanings someone else might think they logically ought to.

I'm well aware of this disturbing subculture, so there's no need for the patronising explanations.

At the very least, what your friends are doing is participating in the sexualisation of children (which is the inevitable flipside of the childification of sexually active adults), and chipping away at the protective incest taboo.

That's a very conservative estimate of the harm they're doing, but shouldn't it be enough to stop them in their tracks?

JAPAB's back then, with more of his creepy shit. Thanks for the mansplain, but having been followed, leered at and grabbed multiple times while in my school uniform, I can do without your complacent and intellectually weak reassurances.

Girlywurly the people who behaved that way towards you were wrong. But that has nothing to do with whether or not such things are a form of paedophilia. Which is the point I was responding to. And nor should the people into such things be held responsible for such behaviour. Unless if you also think that the people who like nurse dressup role play become guilty if a nurse gets molested in a hospital.

Do you seriously believe that the epidemic of child abuse taking place in this country has absolutely nothing to do with the growing popularity of pseudo child abuse imagery?

Why would anyone get pleasure from re-enacting these life-destroying crimes? Have a heart for the victims.

They're not re-enacting child abuse, paedophilia or incest though, that's the thing.

I can see why you're struggling with understanding it (and I'm not trying to be patronising so I do apologise if that's how it's coming across) because it must seem completely alien.

But they are (thankfully) not sexualising children or having any affect on child abuse or the incest subgroups.

'Daddies' and 'Littles' typically role-play an adult man having sex with an underage girl. So yes, they're role-playing child abuse.

And yes, they are sexualising children. They take the paraphernalia of childhood - lollipops, teddy bears, pigtails, bobbysocks, even dummies and nappies - and present them in a highly eroticised way. The models are presented as childlike, sucking their thumbs, or holding cuddly toys, but they typically engage in the full gamut of sexual acts: vaginal, oral and often anal intercourse. It's disgusting.

How can you possibly suggest that this does not contribute to the sexualisation of children?

I am well versed in ageplay. It is not disgusting or vile or disturbing, nor does it contribute to child abuse and/or paedophilia.

They don't role-play adults having sex with children. That's not how it works.

I think you and I will just have to agree to disagree, because we're just going to keep going round in circles!

I'm not sure what relevance you being well versed or otherwise has in determining the essential issues at stake. This isn't some arcane branch of knowledge that requires years of study to grasp the fundaments of. It's about men getting off on the idea of having sex with little girls.

As for paedophilia, well we'll never be able to look inside the minds of these men and say for sure what's driving them. The duck test comes to mind: if it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck.

I agree that further discussion is unlikely to be productive.

I just mentioned that because you seemed to be describing it to me, and without going into my life, all I can say is that I don't need you to explain to me what age play is.

It's about men getting off on the idea of having sex with little girls.

That just could not be further from the truth, and it really does show your ignorance on the matter.

Professional psychologists have studied it and found there to be no connection between age play and paedophilia. I have connections with people into the lifestyle and again, it's nothing incestual or paedophilic.

I don't want to pry into your life, but I am sensing there might be certain experiences within your past that are clouding your judgment here.

You seek to write me off as psychologically damaged.

If I had been sexually abused as a child, as you imply, it wouldn't make my opinions on these matters one bit less credible.

Thank God I was not harmed in that way as a child.

I've felt very angry about this discussion though, as in my voluntary role I support teenage girls who've been raped by male relatives, and witness their utter despair and devastation. Your friends are playing with fire. I'm trying, clumsily, to speak up for the victims of child abuse because, while your friends spread their 'lifetyle' all over the Internet', they have no voice.

You're doing it again. You're confusing two seperate things, like apples and oranges.

1. Teenage girls raped by male relatives = rape, child abuse and paedophilia. Illegal and harmful.

1. Ageplay relationships = between consenting adults who have absolutely no attraction to children whatsoever. Legal and harmless.

I'm not minimising child abuse because that's horrific.

I'm simply asking you not to try and say these two things are the same when they're not even remotely connected.

I've not said they are the same. But clearly they are linked: the common fantasy of paedophiles and so-called 'Daddies' being sex with children. Can you not see that?

I'm bowing out now.