Affair/separation - DH has asked me to leave. Do I go?

[runningLou]

To avoid drip feeding will not spare the details.
Unhappily married. I was caught cheating 4 years ago. Tried to mend everything for sake of kids. Didn't work, both very unhappy and with MH issues.
I recently met someone. Told DH I wanted to separate. We had discussed 'bird-nesting' with me staying over some nights to be with DC overnight. We want to keep the family home for the kids if possible.
DH has said tonight he wants me out. Every night, and basically told me I had made my choice and to move in with OM.
Don't want to do this - too soon, bad for kids, bad for everyone, I think.
Also I do not want to be the Mummy that leaves, and that is what it will look like to them.
Can I persist in staying? Am I right that me leaving and taking all my stuff (DH wants it gone) will be more distressing for kids?
Financially could just about manage to rent a room somewhere nearby so thinking of doing this. My idea is to come in every morning to do their breakfast, and stay every night till after bedtime. This is what we have been doing the past couple of weeks since we first talked and it has worked ok ... I thought.
House is in joint names, as are all savings.

'There's a lot of talk about what's disruptive for the DC which is the important issue. I'd say on balance living with one parent is less disruptive than living with another and a new daddy.'

You could surely say that about any situation though where parents have separated and one or other parent seeks to enter into a new relationship? If the OP waited a year to introduce the OM to the children the assumed damage would be no worse than if she'd entered into a new relationship post divorce, and nobody would be talking about how introducing a new partner would be damaging to the children.

My ex had a new partner within weeks of me moving out, had introduced the children within weeks of that and they were living together within a year, engaged and she was pregnant and she already had children of her own. His situation has by far been more damaging to the children who see almost nothing of him now because of her, and I was the one who had the affair, although I didn't leave for the OM

Certainly someone leaving the famly home for a OM can be damaging to the children, but it is pure projection to say that a person leaving a marriage for someone else is automatically going to be the one who damages the children. If it is handled correctly then the relationship can end amicably for the sake of the children and the parents can move into respective relationships in a time which has the children's best interests at the centre.

I read the op as saying she has already been sleeping alsewhere for two weeks and coming back to do breakfast. The 'change' would be getting her own place from which to do that from as she feels it's too soon to move in permanently with the OM. But that her dh needs her to make whatever she is currently doing permanent and stop toying with treating the marital home as a stage.

I suppose theoretically the op COULD be still be sleeping in the marital home - but the op doesn't actually say that. It's vague enough you could spin it either way. It would be interesting to know in order to gauge just how much cake she has already got

And thanks, I do write. And teach creative writing. Being alive to all possibilities is a good exercise.

theancientmarinader "I read the op as saying she has already been sleeping alsewhere for two weeks and coming back to do breakfast."

She doesn't actually say that she has moved out though does she? Her whole post is about what she is thinking of doing.

She seems riddled with guilt and that is why I am worried she is allowing this to influence her to do things in a way that is more kind to her dh because she feels guilty.

You write, well you certainly spun a story from nothing here so you must be very good at it.