Infertility, alcohol. So angry and upset

[Jamon]

DH and I have been TTC for 18 months. It's been the hardest thing our relationship has faced and at times has put terrible strain on us.

He finds it hard to communicate his feelings on and I end up feeling alone and unsupported by him. I've become consumed by desperation and sadness of not getting pregnant. I think he hasn't known what to do and it's pulling us apart rather than together.

We have a few months of trying naturally left and I'm trying to do everything I can to try and conceive naturally before we start IVF. I'm on clomid currently which has made me feel awful.

DH went to South Africa with work on Saturday for 5 days. Yesterday he went out "for dinner" with the crew and didn't contact me for 6 hours. When I finally heard from him he was drunk, slurring his words.

I completely lost it. How can he be getting drunk down route with complete strangers, whilst I'm here going through this? How can he not be prioritising me and TTC over getting drunk? To give this context, he's an airline pilot and was out with cabin crew. I trust him completely but it's upset me more knowing he was probably out getting drunk with young female cabin crew members.

I barely slept last night, my heart was racing and I was shaking with anger and hurt over this. I don't know what to do. My instinct is to block him and go silent until he comes home - and then go and stay with my parents.

We are meant to be trying this week when he gets home as I'll be fertile. I don't see how we are supposed to do that now. So I feel like I've subjected myself to clomid again for no reason. Every time I took those tablets I felt scared about how it would affect me.

I don't know what to fucking do

TTC with infertility is so hard and puts a strain on any relationship and is so much more common than you'd think. Out of 8 in my NCT group 4 of us needed fertility treatment.
You have probably already looked at options but IUI is a good option for male problems. We got pregnant on our second cycle and the drugs didn't affect my moods. I've heard awful things about clomid.
Fingers crossed you dont have to wait too much longer X

Thanks chunky we've been considering IUI but our consultant really put us off - said the chances are not much higher than trying naturally. I felt I couldn't cope with it not working with the added £1000 lost.

Jamon - you're right about needing a chat but if I can just offer you something to think about. You both need to talk, you're both obviously suffering and he's admitted that's the situation is stressing him. I think given his career and training that maybe very hard to admit. Be careful not to bombard him with the situation immediately after he sets foot through the door following the 11 hour plus flight through the night to get from South Africa. He won't be jet lagged but I presume he will have been working and not sleeping. Of course it is your call because you know him best, and know what you need, but think about chatting when you'll both get the most out of it. First and foremost you both still love each other no matter what. Xxx

Hedwig that's really good advice. You're right he will be tired, he will only get 2-3 hours sleep tonight in the bunk. I will go easy on him.

It's definitely worth asking them to check it. That was the only thing that picked up DH's underlying health problems causing a problem with his hormones resulting in a poor sperm count/motility.

Him drinking is probably his way of releasing his stress from the situation. You both need to relax, together. I know a couple who were struggling and they took a few months out/off from trying and went on holiday, re kindled their love etc and now have two children conceived naturally. Could you guys consider something similar? Stress will not help the situation!!

Have you thought about relaxing OP?

(You know, all clinics just suggest that as it's been proven beyond belief to work. No point doing anything else.)

OP, my children are either flight deck crew of cabin crew and going out with fellow crew members is all par for the course. Can I ask why you are more bothered about him being with young female cabin crew members than you are about him being with male crew members?

@User1486 have you read the rest of the thread?

Checking back in to let you know he got back yesterday and slept - a lot! I was at work but when I got in we had a kiss (too hot to hug right now) and had dinner together in the garden. We talked about lots of different things including drinking down route and we both listened to and acknowledged each other's POV and needs. It was a really constructive and relaxed conversation. So all back on track.

Thanks for talking me down from the ledge and making me see sense.

Well done love. Best of luck - hope you get that BFP soon.

Thanks for the update Jamon. That's great news - wishing you every success with your journey.

That's a good update. Good luck with everything. 🌻🌻

Brilliant news. Really pleased for you. Sounds like you both got a lot out of it. I wish you nothing but the best going forward and I hope you get everything you've both dreamed of and more very, very soon. Xxx

Jamon Question off-topic: I've tried to find the Gratitude app that you recommend, but only found apps with variations on that name. Could you check and tell me exactly what it is called? Thanks for the recommendation.

So pleased you have spoken, and it's a positive outcome! Remember to keep having talks like this throughout - it should prevent any buildup of things if you can keep getting them off your chest!
Good luck for the future OP

Thanks sweet people!

Wordoftheday it's this one - see screenshot

Jamob Got it!
¡Gracias!

Are you in UAE Jamon??

No we live in London press