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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Serial Leaver - Left Again. What Do I Do???

1000 replies

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:18

My (D)H has left AGAIN. Woke up this morning to find no sign of him and bankcard infront of PC. Wasn't until I went downstairs later on I saw he had posted his key through the letterbox. He left on Monday (I think) until Wednesday night, when I went in the middle of the night to beg for him back at his mums. He had just dumped shopping inside the door, and zoomed off again, me running barefoot in dressing gown trying to chase his car . Previous to that, about 2 weeks ago he left, and just dumped milk for DS through the catflap as he had left him with nothing, although by the time someone had to come and bring me milk. He promises over and over again he wont do it anymore, last night we were totally fine and yet this morning he left. I am not independant at all, and this constant kicking me back down is just too much. What on earth can I do? I dont know even what I mean by that. THe crisis team are coming sometime this evening, and I have thought about getting DS put into care because I really cannot cope another night jumping at every noise, checking the hall for notes or supplies, and just general whatsthefuckingpoint-ness. I do still love him, when he is OK he really is totally fine, realises his mistakes, but... I cant cope with this. I really cant.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 22/03/2007 19:20

oh Quootie .. how sad

I'm sorry I don't know the whole story .. was it your DH who suffers from depression?

SherlockLGJ · 22/03/2007 19:21

Change the locks, draw yourself up to your full height and repeat after me. FUCK YOU INFANTILE WASTE OF SPACE

LilyLoo · 22/03/2007 19:21

OMG you poor woman. Is there any family you can ask for help. Surely anything is better than putting your ds into care. You sound like you are at rock bottom . Have you been to see your gp ?

Twiglett · 22/03/2007 19:21

Why are you unable to be independent .. what is it you fear?

sorry if you would prefer to chat to someone who knows the whole story and not go back tot he start I'll understand

SherlockLGJ · 22/03/2007 19:21

Right now I have that off my chest.....

Do not, repeat not, let them take or indeed offer to allow your child to be taken into care.

mamama · 22/03/2007 19:22

Sorry hun. You know where I am.

x

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:22

no, me. And PTSD. This pushes me further and further back into it, I cant react like a "normal" person. He left me the day after a termination, and it's all the flashbacks I keep getting now. The feelings are just so overpowering. I can't stop shaking

OP posts:
SherlockLGJ · 22/03/2007 19:22

Are there any MNers near you ?

pinkchampagne · 22/03/2007 19:22

Oh Quootie, I am sorry you're having to cope with all this.

I don't know the whole story here either. Have you & DH been having a lot of problems recently?

mummytosteven · 22/03/2007 19:22

Agree with LGJ on this one. This is dreadful behaviour on the part of an alleged adult. At least if you finalise a split, painful as it will be, at least you won't be living with the uncertainty.

SherlockLGJ · 22/03/2007 19:23

His mother needs to stop allowing him back, he is either a man or a boy, he has to decide.

Saturn74 · 22/03/2007 19:23

Quootie.

noonar · 22/03/2007 19:23

you poor, poor thing. i dont have any advice, but wanted to post anyway, to say that i read your op. he sounds terribly controlling. i know you love him, but it sounds like you may be better off without him. i am sure someone more helpful will be along soon xxx

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:24

apparently, according to his mum I am bleeding him dry aswell. He must have said that.

I dont know why I cant cope, it sounds very silly, but, I really cant. I do have waves of being strong, but, I crumble and crumble again and again.

OP posts:
swifterella · 22/03/2007 19:24

QP, i remember your story from awhile ago...why are you letiing this man do this to you. he is an utter fuckwit. Sorry darling but he is. Change the locks. You are allowing him to behave like this. Only you have the power to change that.

Good luck x

mummytosteven · 22/03/2007 19:24

jesus. he sounds downright abusive to be triggering off your PTSD like that. I hope the crisis team are helpful in helping you deal with flashbacks, and working through the original trauma.

SherlockLGJ · 22/03/2007 19:24

IIRC he pushed for the termination and then he left you ?? Or am I wrong ??

swifterella · 22/03/2007 19:25
Angry
Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:25

ONe MNer. We are good friends, she is ringing me later. I have planned this before, getting housing benefit for the house etc., but, I dont think I can go on. Day after day of just nothingness. Jumping at every noise. I keep running to the window... and I know I will for weeks. It's DSs birthday tuesday aswell, and he hasnt stayed with me long enough the past 2 weeks to get a present etc.

OP posts:
Saturn74 · 22/03/2007 19:26

Quootie, is there anyone that can come and be with you? What area of the country do you live in?

MerryMarigold · 22/03/2007 19:26

I don't have any advice, just lots of sympathy. Do you have any friends or family you could leave ds with for a couple of days while you deal with the worst of this? It sounds like your dh isn't doing you a lot of good, but I don't know all the ins and outs. Maybe you are better off if he is not around, even though you don't feel independent right now. There's loads of people, even mn-ers thinking of you right now, so you are not alone.

SherlockLGJ · 22/03/2007 19:26

He sounds toxic, and TBH so does his Mother.

I met you at Christmas, you are lovely.

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:26

yeah, that's right Sherlock. I have no money... I think I may have about £10 in my bank, but, not enough to change locks. Besides, I WANT his to come back. He has no key now anyway... I just hate living like this.

OP posts:
Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:27

I am in Berkshire

OP posts:
Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:28

I dont think he is at his mums, as my mum rung and she got an earbashing and she said he wasnt there. The other night he slept in his car.

OP posts:
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