Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Serial Leaver - Left Again. What Do I Do???

1000 replies

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:18

My (D)H has left AGAIN. Woke up this morning to find no sign of him and bankcard infront of PC. Wasn't until I went downstairs later on I saw he had posted his key through the letterbox. He left on Monday (I think) until Wednesday night, when I went in the middle of the night to beg for him back at his mums. He had just dumped shopping inside the door, and zoomed off again, me running barefoot in dressing gown trying to chase his car . Previous to that, about 2 weeks ago he left, and just dumped milk for DS through the catflap as he had left him with nothing, although by the time someone had to come and bring me milk. He promises over and over again he wont do it anymore, last night we were totally fine and yet this morning he left. I am not independant at all, and this constant kicking me back down is just too much. What on earth can I do? I dont know even what I mean by that. THe crisis team are coming sometime this evening, and I have thought about getting DS put into care because I really cannot cope another night jumping at every noise, checking the hall for notes or supplies, and just general whatsthefuckingpoint-ness. I do still love him, when he is OK he really is totally fine, realises his mistakes, but... I cant cope with this. I really cant.

OP posts:
swifterella · 22/03/2007 19:29

why do you WANT him to come back?

Saturn74 · 22/03/2007 19:30

I think it is so hard for you to be objective, Quootie, as you have so much going on at the moment.
From what I have read it seems like your DH is doing nothing to help you get well, and whilst you feel like you can't be independant, I think that you are the strong one in the relationship.

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:30

because I still love him, and when is is "nomal" he really is OK. I am not just brainwashed and saying that - he is. But he gets tunnel vision, and stubborn and will just leave. Not even to cool off, if I left him to it, I doubt i'd see him again he is that stubborn.

OP posts:
SherlockLGJ · 22/03/2007 19:32

You are not living, you are exsisting, possibly even sub-exsisting, this is probably one of the most horrible relationships ( I use the term loosely) I have come across on MN.

You appear to have no self respect, why is that ?

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:32

but then he knows how much this is going to hurt me, and he still does it. I just know I CANNOT cope on my own. I could barely sort DS out today, and that was still with some hope he was out and coming back!

OP posts:
alittlebitshy · 22/03/2007 19:33

oh quootie - when i (briefly) chatted to you on msn the other night i thought you were sounding stronger.
you poor lamb

(((hugs)))

I do think you need to make the FINAL break

Saturn74 · 22/03/2007 19:34

Quootie, you CAN cope on your own.
You are not the one who keeps running away.

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 19:34

I don't know Sherlock... I guess it's been kinda beaten (literally and metaphorically (sp)) out of me. Everyone has said "you need to learn when to shut up"

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 22/03/2007 19:35

quootie - have you started your counselling and/or medication?

I'm sorry he is making things worse for you, just at the time when you need him the most .

I hope the mumsnetter who knows you can help you out. You've got through this before - you can do it again.

LilyLoo · 22/03/2007 19:35

Sorry i don't know all the background but it seems that he can't be 'normal' that often if you are living on your nerves like this in fear of him going.

alittlebitshy · 22/03/2007 19:35

What makes him run away ( and i don't want to hear the answer that it's anything to do do with you- i mean, what really scares him about grown up life with you and ds to the extent that he has to keep trying to escape?)

SherlockLGJ · 22/03/2007 19:36

Are you telling me he beats you as well ?

mummytosteven · 22/03/2007 19:37

Quootie - I have heard of Social Services arranging nursery sessions for children where mothers are struggling due to physical/mental health problems, possibly that might help ease the burden a little.

pinkchampagne · 22/03/2007 19:40

You would cope, Quootie. It is a big scary thing to think of going it alone, but you wouldn't have him upsetting you all the time & treating you badly.

At the moment it sounds like he is calling all the shots, and he obviously knows just how to get to you.
Don't let him do it!

SherlockLGJ · 22/03/2007 19:53

Are you there ??

VeniVidiVickiQV · 22/03/2007 20:00

Oh qp

Can you not go and spend some time with your mum? You wont be on your own.

pinkchampagne · 22/03/2007 21:01

Are you ok, QP?

Jennylee · 22/03/2007 21:16

Qp i know your story from before on other posts, you would survive you know. i used to be as fragil as you sound when I was a teenager adn you do change as you get older, you won't always feel like this and he needs to treat you better, he is being awful and you deserve better. He should at least call you so you know he is okay if he is going to pull this sort of crap.

Where is his empathy? how can he do this to you when he knows how you feel about being alone, its just wrong.

Is there anyone is real life who could come by and visit you if you get too anxious?

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 21:19

Sorry, mental health crisis team was here. Was just about to be admitted to a mother and baby unit, but mum turned up. Sister is here tonight. Will go back and read posts. xXx

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 22/03/2007 21:21

Okay - is that a good ting or a bad thing?

pinkchampagne · 22/03/2007 21:22

Glad you have your sister with you, Quootie.
Take care.x

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 21:27

well, the relief of going to hospital was nice... so bit miffed i have sister instead. Might have to go in still if things dont improve.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 22/03/2007 21:30

What did they say?

Quootiepie · 22/03/2007 21:37

Just that obviously DS was fine, but I can't cope with this stress right now. It has pretty much pushed me over the edge. I am seeing a psychiatrist (sp?) tomrrow. I wanted to go in, but they were abit worried as I would be around people who were really mentally ill, but... don't see alot of options right now. Especially if things don't improve.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 22/03/2007 21:45

They are right QP. Your sister will hopefully take charge of DS, and allow you to just deal with yourself for tonight. I dont think you should allow DH back. It is playing with your mind far too much at the moment.

How long can your sister stay with you?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.