How would you feel? (Stag do)

[DiamondShine]

In a close circle of friends, all couples, the lads are currently on a stag weekend abroad so us girls got together to for takeaway and drinks tonight.

How would you feel if your the only person who hasn't heard from your man since they landed yesterday afternoon? Literally radio silence.

How horrible OP, I'm sorry.

There is no excuse possible for how he's handled this, even leaving aside what did or might have gone on. Sadly the most likely interpretation of his response is that he spent the time before contacting you panicking, then frantically trying to find out just what you'd seen and what mates/ their other halves might have told you- then thinking up a plausible timeline of events. Then and only then does he call.

Could you imagine doing the same?! To not reply to the messages you sent letting him know what you'd seen?

If there were any reasonably explanation, such as spiked drinks (I honestly can't think of another) he would have been on the phone instantly. And others in the group would have been saying this too, to their partners, already - it would already be out there as news- that he'd been spiked and I'll, etc.

His drink wasn't spiked.
It's bizarre that you've never seen thid kind of behaviour before but clearly you don't know him as well as you thought.

I'd definitely be away when he returns, if only o give yourself thinking time.

Morning everyone,

I really do appreciate all your support. I could speak to my group of friends in RL but feel like they would just be there for the gossip.

I managed to get a couple of hours sleep but have such a foggy head this morning. I think from the lack of sleep. Woke up to 48 missed calls. So glad I put phone on silent. Selfish dick knows I'm a very light sleeper and with DD being unsettled recently I'm not getting a good sleep.

I have brought DD to my parents. They don't know anything about it yet thankfully so I came to treat them to lunch out. I will speak to my mum about it once my dad is out of way. She knows there is something wrong for me not to be at work. Brought an over night bag just incase we decide to stay the night. I have decided yet though.

I have heard from the bride that the guys flight landed at 10am so he should be getting back to house around lunch time.

With you today OP.

Have a nice lunch (if you can) with your parents.

48 missed calls! Wow. He's going to be chasing you today when he gets home. Stay strong. Good luck

Good luck OP.

How dare he ring you all night when he had all day to ring you yesterday! What a selfish prick.

I'm glad you went to your folks in the end, I think it'll do you good to have a bit of space and get your head in a clear place before you see him.

Did you get any texts from him or just the calls? I hope you enjoy your lunch, get a large dessert and glass of wine while your out too.

Oh bless you OP, what a horrible situation!

Thinking of you today, OP. Can't believe how this has escalated - your gut instinct was definitely right that something wasn't right.

Look after yourself.

What ridiculous behaviour. So it's only now his seedy little jolly is over that he sees fit to contact you.

You need to take some time to yourself to decide whether YOU want this relationship to continue.

If he loved you, he would respect you enough to do that.

Thinking of you.

I hope it goes as well as it can

Op, if he has went into meltdown mode and not sure he has a home to come home to I suspect he thinks you know more than you do. I'd be seriously considering he slept with this woman.

The bombarding you with 48 calls is beyond weird, as is the not reading your messages but knowing you know something. It's all very strange behaviour.

I would try to stop myself absolving him of responsibility and thinking he had his drinks spiked. Spiked drinks has many impacts, but becoming horny, dirty dancing and coming onto other women probably isn't one of them. It's more likely to result in him passing out.

Drinks spiked would result in someone spewing/passing out not dry humping a girl... so don't accept that shit excuse.

He was away from home so thought he could get away with it. If it wasn't for the video he wouldn't have felt guilty. He's only sorry that he's got caught

Good luck OP!! Stay strong

Good luck today op. Hope you manage a nice lunch with your parents and get a chat with your Mum. How selfish of him to keep calling you all night, l agree with a pp who said that maybe the reason he hasn't behaved like this before is because he hasn't had the opportunity . I hope you get a chance to clear your head and decide where you want to go from here .

What an idiot he is. I can only hope that this brother of the bride who you don't really know thought it would be funny to give him some drugs and then film the result.

To my mind acting under the influence of substances he didn't willingly take is only way he could possibly be in a forgivable situation.

Keep calm, get your head straight, get as much information as you can and don't jump to any conclusions. Make your decision in the cold light of day when your heart and head are working together.

You are certainly not shamed. That's one thing you do not have to take on board.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If you can take the high moral ground through all of this you will come out stronger. I took someone back but I made my decision based on the future, not the past.

Hope your doing ok op?

Your 'd'p is indeed a total shithead.
I'm afraid I agree that the 48 missed calls and the I might not have a home to come back to would ring even more bells for me.

I wouldn't care - he's having fun and knows you trust him

Some the thread has moved on. Honestly OP, you saw the dancing and it sounds to me like more than flirting. His behaviour since has been really dodgy too - like he needed time to sort his story out. Difficult to say but don't be embarrassed- he's embarrassed himself not you

RTFT other

I hope you are still out having a nice long lunch.
With much wine!?
Take some time out and think things through.
I'm glad you have your DM to talk to.

op hope you can chat with your mum and get some head space.

He's had a long chat with his mates, and he's getting his excuses all lined up in a row. Drunk, drugged, bit of fun, didn't mean anything, she came onto him - take your pick.

Only you know if this is a deal breaker or not.
Can you ever look at him the same way? Respect him?

Take some time to decide what is best in the long run for you and your daughter. As long as you need - don't allow him to rush you.

I read the OP and thought that for me I would feel out of sight out of mind especially as everyone else had heard from their partners and you were the only one who hadn't. Especially when you said that you usually do some texting during the day normally and hadn't heard anything from him.

Then I read the rest of the thread and TBH wasn't overly surprised. It seems that going away for the weekend he suddenly thought he could have a weekend of "freedom" to do what he wanted, and did.

But tbh given he didn't get in contact until last night and hasn't bothered to offer up any kind of excuSe/apology/explanation I would be wondering whether this weekend has in fact made him reconsider the relationship because he doesn't actually believe he's done anything wrong or that he has to give an explanation.

Given his response I wouldn't be expecting justifications tbh but I would be expecting him to come back and say that he feels trapped and wants out. So what I would do is get in there first with what you want from the future. And I would act as if he has ended the relationship, given his response. So when he calls I would say "well, given you knew I had seen your actions online, and given you knew that everyone else knows I have seen your actions and you haven't even so much as tried to offer an explanation about it, that you assume the relationship is over and that this is what you want. Therefore we need to talk about maintenance/access etc re DD. Don't let him get in there first. He needs to see what impact his actions have had.

It's one thing to behave like a total arsehole and be caught on camera, to think "omg shit need to think up some excuse" and then ring frantically with apologies/justifications. That creates at least the illusion that he knows he's done wrong and wants things to work out. But dry humping some girl in a night club, live on camera and not even bothering to contact your partner with an explanation, not even a text when calls are missed sends out the message that he doesn't believe he was doing anything wrong - in fact that he wasn't even considering himself in a relationship at all. And that's how I would play it.

And like others on this thread, I've never got the attraction for having these stag weekends where everyone goes off and gets blind drunk for a weekend and potentially shags or half shags someone or behaves single for the weekend. At 35 he should have grown up some by now.

Thinking of you OP, stay strong. You are doing so well. He's treated you appallingly, you deserve so much better.

Take care,

Here for you OP