How would you feel? (Stag do)

[DiamondShine]

In a close circle of friends, all couples, the lads are currently on a stag weekend abroad so us girls got together to for takeaway and drinks tonight.

How would you feel if your the only person who hasn't heard from your man since they landed yesterday afternoon? Literally radio silence.

My husband never texts/calls me when he's out with friends - neither do I, we catch up on all the gossip when we are home having a cuddle! It means we can have a laugh together and we both know it's not a requirement to constantly check in.

It's far more fun that a text!
X

Could you not be bothered reading the thread then Emma. Or are you just rubbing it in because you know these two won't be having a cuddle?

@Bluntness100
No actually my son woke up and I was distracted, I just read on and am mortified so have now come back to day how sorry I am. I'm not a smug person and my previous posting was only meant to reassure Op.

Op - you previously said there were no trust issues, maybe he's just been a dick and got carried away with the dancing? It's not excusable but if you have had a decent relationship for 10'years it's worth a conversation when you are ready.

Thinking of you x

Thank you all for your kind words and support. It really means a lot.

I have seen him, he was sitting out my parents house when we got back from lunch. My parents took DD to the park so we could talk in private.

Turns out the brides brother talked him into trying coke (apparently it's very accessible on the strip out there) He's never done drugs before. I'm horrified! He was sharing a room with the brides dad, I have known this man since my childhood so I now know he definitely didn't sleep with woman or ever disappear from the group. According to him the dancing did go too far, it was one of the hen dare cards. They were both very drunk blah blah blah.

As for not contacting me as soon as I messaged him yesterday and his meltdown, he knew he had fucked up and thought I would see him contacting me then would be deemed as creeping and make the situation worse. He has known me long enough to know ignoring me is actually worse.

I told him this whole weekend seemed out of site out of mind, apparently he was wanting to text me but didn't because he thought I would think he was a melt. Doesn't usually stop him.

I asked him to leave and told him I was staying with my parents for a few days. He said to see DD before he left and I have to admit I was a bitch and told him he couldn't. I wouldn't usually behave like that but just wanted him to go.

The after effects of coke, probably contributed to his behaviour the day after as well OP.
In no way excusing his behaviour but I can see how/why it happened.

Everyone has their own boundaries op and it's completely your right if he's unforgivable crossed them. Personally if I was sure he hadn't done more I'd probably forgive this.

How do you feel now that I have spoken to him?

You!!!

Doesn't matter whether it was one of the hen dare cards or not, he shouldn't have done it!!!

In all honesty I don't believe it was a dare card he's just thought of the nearest excuse he could think of.

I'm not saying he's cheated OP, nobody on here can say that. However you can't say that you've known this man so long you know he wouldn't have cheated... for the simple fact he took coke when you never in a million years thought he'd do that either.

As for not contacting you because he thought you'd think he was a melt - you have a fucking child together!

He's full of shit blaming everyone else -

1. he's blaming you for him not contacting you because he thought you'd think he was a melt
2. he's blaming the groom for "talking him into doing coke" errr no im sorry he had a choice - you're DP CHOSE to do coke, he wasn't forced into doing it
3. he's blaming the coke and the girl from the hen party/dare cards for the dirty dancing.

He's an absolute child OP. You and your daughter both deserve better than a silly boy who, on his first weekend ever away from his partner and daughter, chooses to snort a load of coke and start dirty dancing with another girl.

You don't know him like you thought.

And just remember, if you hadn't of seen that video, he wouldn't be grovelling to you. He wouldn't be sorry. He would be acting as normal because he would've gotten away with it.

For me the coke alone would be a deal-breaker without the other stuff, but obviously everyone has their own line in the sand there.

Either way though taking coke is still no excuse for the way he behaved - assuming he actually did take coke and wasn't just using that as a justification, bearing in mind he was off radar before that already.

Don't worry.
DH is a terrible one for messages but I trust him completely.

Do you know what? Normally I'd say that withholding access to your DD would be unfair, but I think here you actually did her a favour because;

1. he didn't seem to give enough of a toss about her to call/text and ask after her the whole weekend and

2. if he was geared up then I don't care what anyone says, he won't be in a properly decent way until at least tomorrow - if not Wednesday. And what I mean by that is his thinking will still be slightly impaired, he will be overly tired and probably emotional. Two of my ex's were cokeheads (hence the ex part) and the days of mood swings afterwards were horrendous. They would be abusive and next to useless for half a week after a bender. For a drug with such a short term high, it has much longer come downs than people realise.

Bless you OP. This is an absolutely justified dumping offence. He's a shit. This weekend was a test of your boundaries - it's good that he now knows he can't cross them...x

I agree with everything SparklingRaspberry has said, His behaviour when it happened and after has been completely out of order.

Hope you are OK Op, Stay strong x

Just as an aside, taking Coke doesn't make you do anything. He did it because he wanted to.

And also, and I realise this is just a personal opinion, I have a very low view of people who take drugs when they have children. Especially for the first time. So irresponsible, you don't know how your body will react or if the drug is ok. People die taking Coke. I wouldn't touch it now I've had ds.

Quote "He's had a long chat with his mates, and he's getting his excuses all lined up in a row. Drunk, drugged, bit of fun, didn't mean anything, she came onto him - take your pick.

And there it is.

Coke or not, he was a shithead. And tbh he was also a shithead for taking coke in the first place, because who does that when they have kids?! And who says they were persuaded to do it by someone else? He's a grown man ffs.

So sorry OP, I hope that whatever resolution you come to that you're at peace with it.

You've been really strong OP. Well done.

Everything will be raw just now. I think you may be able to forgive with lots of talking. Maybe the end of single sex holidays too.....

I'm seriously regretting not going on the hen weekend now! Not that I would have behaved like that.

I'm staying at my parents house tonight. Thankfully my mum is going to get up with DD so I can get some proper rest. I can't really make a rational decision on what to do until then.

Did you speak to your mum?

My mum knows everything. My parents are older so very much work at what you have rather than just throw away kind of people.

I didn't get married to get divorced so need to have a proper think about how to deal with this.

OP, I think you're right to take some time to think.

Make sure he doesn't make a mug out of you and only continue with the relationship if you are 100% happy to do so.

Definitely take some time OP and get some rest. Then maybe think about sitting down with him to discuss it all.

Did your ridiculous husband get married to get divorced ?

What a complete tool. This is one of those situations where the excuses paint a worse picture than what you already knew.

I agree with AnyFucker. I did loads of coke as a youth and it's not the type of thing that makes you start dirty dancing with a random woman. And if it was, then it definitely wouldn't stop at that.

OP hope you feel cleared tomorrow.

Well, if divorce is off the table, then that's his green light go.